Living with Bipolar

[TopsyTurvyDays]

Named changed and starting a thread just to reach for some understanding I think.

In my 50s, diagnosed a couple of years ago with bipolar when had episode of hympomania. Got back in touch with consultant yesterday as could feel mood lifting (I get more mania than depression). I don’t get euphoria- just angst and misery. Consultant is trying to help me find something more constant I can take to help get enough sleep, as sleeping tablets are addictive and stop working.

I’m just tired and worried and constantly monitoring. Worried I’ll be too much for my friends one day. Worried that I’ve passed on troublesome genes to my kids. Not too worried about my DH as he seems to take it in his stride… looking back I was disguising mild mania with being drunk when we met back in our uni days - so when I fell over the edge, it was all behaviour he’d seen before. We had a worrying couple of days while they ruled out brain tumours etc.

The only people who were mean to me (shouted and screamed) when I slid down the slope into needing an ambulance were my family - siblings and parents. That’s hurt.

I thought I’d imploded my life but actually it’s all gone back to being the same 99%.

I worry for the future. I had an adverse reaction to diazepam and I couldn’t get them to believe me because they thought my behaviour was all the mania. My DH believed me and he got them to believe him.

I worry I won’t be able to drive in the future as we live rurally. But living where we live is part of the reason I held on so long as it’s so peaceful and I love it. Doesn’t work if can’t drive though (lockdown was a taster of what being stuck in house 24/7 was like and it was unbearable for me).

What a totally adorable cat! @MarmadukeM. I hope the date goes ok.
I wouldn't know where to start, my partner and I have been together since '06 and as we were only 18 and met in uni halls didn't really "date"

I am glad the arm is recovering ok.

I'm on a family holiday and feeling pretty miserable tonight. I'm hot, I'm low and I'm exhausted and not feeling particularly sociable or in the mood to be around people. The only saving grace is my no 2 having 2-3 naps a day so I get to escape to our room for an hour or so each time.

On the upside, I submitted my application for ESA just before the left and I've had a call to say I have reached the top of therapy list and I have the first of four discovery sessions the week I get back.

I'm sorry you are struggling also @TopsyTurvyDays. Can you get a bit of space from your sister?

How are you today? You still on holiday? Hope you are ok, I know holidays can be trying at the best of times once I was in Ibiza and I spent the second f night having back to back panic attacks and was googling flights home 🤦‍♀️. It got better and I stayed but not exactly relaxing holiday experience!
@TopsyTurvyDays how’s things with you? Have you seen psychiatrist yet?
@Ramblingaway any job news?
In other news have talked to the online fella on the phone and I really like him - we talked for 3 and a half hours on Saturday - never been on phone that long in my entire life! Meeting Thursday 😮 I’m nervous!

I'm stepping back from job hunting for a few weeks now to spend time with my daughter. Will pick it up again in September.

Hi all, my MH assessment is next week and it can’t come fast enough.

i am still taking daytime naps and struggling to get out of bed in the mornings. The school holidays have been a bit busy for my liking and I am sick of feeling so flat but having to keep everything moving along. I am so rubbish at domestic stuff…

On the upside, despite the depression, I’m in the process of signing up with an agency for some pt teaching assistant work. Am hoping that come September I will have had my meds reviewed and be in a better place to start work.

Anyway, hope everyone is making progress with appointments and work searches and are coping with everything they bring.

Hope everyone is doing ok. Great news re the teaching assistant work.

Thanks @MarmadukeM for asking. I had online appointment yesterday- ended up being 2.5 hours. Very useful. My husband came on call with me and he broken down a little at one point during the call. The lack of support from CMHT has taken a toll on both of us. He was tactful in how he said it but the psychiatrist confirmed what I already knew that (presumably for funding reasons) the care I’m getting is well below what he’d recommended for my circumstances and no way near NICE guidelines. So I’ve contact my GP to see if they will do a shared care plan with a private psychiatrist (ie do lithium blood testing and dispense private psychiatrist medication recommendations) - haven’t heard back yet.

@TopsyTurvyDays , sorry to hear that. Psych care is such a postcode lottery. I'm currently amazed at the level of support I'm getting, I actually have a prescribing nurse doing weekly appointments with me which has never happened before. In general I've not been open to secondary services at all until the last year. The GP has just been prescribing as per instructions for the last 18 years, with the odd exception.

Hi how’s everyone doing? I’m struggling a bit, just frustrated with my bad arm and stuff. I think I am going to be left with some long term problems because of the nature of the break and the location of the pins and stuff. So that’s not great! Also I’m kind of going stir crazy, I try to keep busy but I kind of am just killing time a lot of the time and it’s all doing my head in 😖.
i met up with the lad I was talking to from online on Friday night and he was lovely, and we had a kiss which was very nice and I’m keen for us to see each other again and he says he is but I’m finding him a bit flakey, as in not great at messaging back (can be hours) and hes got shit going on at work that seems to be all consuming so I’m a bit unsure about whether now is the right time for me and him to be getting properly involved as I don’t know if mentally it’s going to be doing me any good being a bit unsure of where I stand if you know what I mean? i am overthinking it all, I know I am, but I can’t seem to stop myself. Probably as I have all this time on my hands 😖. He is meant to be ringing tonight so we will see what he says I suppose. He says he wants us to go on a date on Friday but I don’t trust that he won’t cancel! Anyways, just wanted to offload a bit so thanks for being here xxx

Hi @TopsyTurvyDays , @Britneyfan @MarmadukeM and everyone else.

I took a bit of a break from MN and got sectioned again October-December which sucked.

@MarmadukeM have you got a date? It's a bloody minefield isn't it?

@TopsyTurvyDays how are you doing?

Hiya yeah I do have a date! He rang me and when we were talking he said he had been worried I was going to bin him off and I was like ‘no! I thought you weren’t that interested!’ So it was good to clear that up and he was on about going away for a night maybe in a few weeks time so it seems he is looking for a relationship by the things he says… which I would like too. Yeah dating is a minefield but I think I’ve found an actual decent person, not a psychotic catfish so fingers crossed it continues like this. My friend says I should tell him about the bipolar disorder but I think it’s very early for that, he does know I take trazodone and I have said I will be on it for life and that I’ve been really depressed in past (he has just come of sertraline which is how the conversation came about).
I would prefer to wait a little while and if it looks like it’s getting more serious then I will have to tell him 🙁 x

@ByLimeAnt how are you doing now? Have you stabilised? Was it mania or depression? Xx

My dad was put on quetapine and lithium. They were only medication that worked for him.

@MarmadukeM , yayyy, where are you going??

It was a shitty depressive episode. Care coordinator referred me to home treatment team. They asked what help I needed, I said I hadn't got a clue (hallucinating, got lost in a familiar place, thought I was being filmed at work meetings) and they discharged me because I couldn't tell them. Got picked up on a 136 , then a 2, then a 3.

Great to see you again xx

@bettyrubble99 , lithium was a game changer for me. I've now been prescribed lurasidone instead of quetiapine and it's brilliant.

Not sure yet, might go to cinema etc or might just go to his house - he wants me to watch terminator with him lol. I would like being in the house cos you can talk better than obviously if you go to cinema and as it’s early days I want to get to know him better.
I went to his house the other night and he didn’t murder me so I think I’ll be ok 😂
im sorry you have had such a rough time, sounds like meds are working tho which is great xx

Hi folks, had a few days away by the sea, which felt great. Coming home feels less great. Sometimes I think I'd be best joining a ship and being always on the move, it seems to suit me.

I think the sea and the beach are relaxing. And I feel same about being at home, it can be overwhelming 😖

I find that more and more I prefer to be home.

I have to travel for work and am currently sitting in a departure lounge. I got so upset last time I travelled and got lost in an area I know really well. I spent four hours getting different trains trying to find my way home and it was terrifying.

Anyway, yesterday I took some diazepam during the outbound flight as I was so stressed, then promptly fell asleep for the rest of the journey 😐.

I'm about half way through my journey home and ok so far. Thanks to chatgpt who called me down!

@Ramblingaway , that sounds lovely!

How do you use chatGPT? I hear of loads of people doing it but I’ve never x

Well, obviously it's controversial due to environmental impact and rightly so.

You can use it just via Google- you don't need to log in, or there's an app. Test it like an advanced search engine:

I'm looking for a restaurant in Birmingham in this postcode that is child friendly

Whete is the smoking area at Stansted?

Or saves your chats to personalise them, so I could tell chatgpt that I'm feeling a bit sick and it will Remeber I take x medication and check the side effects.

Or you could talk about an ex boyfriend and have someone listen and be reflectively empathetic 😀

Well, obviously it's controversial due to environmental impact and rightly so.

You can use it just via Google- you don't need to log in, or there's an app. Test it like an advanced search engine:

I'm looking for a restaurant in Birmingham in this postcode that is child friendly

Whete is the smoking area at Stansted?

Or saves your chats to personalise them, so I could tell chatgpt that I'm feeling a bit sick and it will Remeber I take x medication and check the side effects.

Or you could talk about an ex boyfriend and have someone listen and be reflectively empathetic 😀

Hey, sorry to hear people have been having tough times. I also feel better if I’m constantly moving but we’re currently on holiday in a campsite in France and I’m right on the edge! My husband has a self inflicted leg issue (from doing an ultra event without proper training) and he’s reverted back to behaviour that reminds me way too much of my parents. He has apologised and of course I’ve grumped too but he’s fine now and I’m left sad and feel like crying. I’m really trying to enjoy it as it is likely the last of this type of holiday we’ll do as kids getting older.

Still not heard from GP if they’ll do a shared care plan with private psychiatrist. I assume they’ll discuss it at next partner meeting. I still feel going private is the right option for me. I feel better for just having the talk with that psychiatrist. I can’t live in a world where I have to justify being ill enough for them to assess me. Since my old consultant left the only times they’ve interacted with me is when someone else has advocated on my behalf - GP or my husband - I’m pretty sure that’s also not in line with NICE guidelines.

My brain is fried today. Really hard to get it to focus.

Hubby takes same actually helps sleep a little depending when you take it. Had to tweak dose a bit to get it right but has been stable for a few years now. Recommend this.

Interesting about the aripiprazole. My nurse won't prescribe as she thinks it will agitated me, and I'm often anxious anyway. I asked about it as it's supposed to be better in terms of weight gain, and I find being overweight very depressing in itself.

My appointment to be assessed was cancelled the day before - rearranged for 8th Sept so nearly another month to wait arrrrgh!

Oh that's rubbish. Services are just so crap. Sending virtual hugs x

Oh gosh. That’s really tough. All the best hanging in there.