Living with Bipolar

[TopsyTurvyDays]

Named changed and starting a thread just to reach for some understanding I think.

In my 50s, diagnosed a couple of years ago with bipolar when had episode of hympomania. Got back in touch with consultant yesterday as could feel mood lifting (I get more mania than depression). I don’t get euphoria- just angst and misery. Consultant is trying to help me find something more constant I can take to help get enough sleep, as sleeping tablets are addictive and stop working.

I’m just tired and worried and constantly monitoring. Worried I’ll be too much for my friends one day. Worried that I’ve passed on troublesome genes to my kids. Not too worried about my DH as he seems to take it in his stride… looking back I was disguising mild mania with being drunk when we met back in our uni days - so when I fell over the edge, it was all behaviour he’d seen before. We had a worrying couple of days while they ruled out brain tumours etc.

The only people who were mean to me (shouted and screamed) when I slid down the slope into needing an ambulance were my family - siblings and parents. That’s hurt.

I thought I’d imploded my life but actually it’s all gone back to being the same 99%.

I worry for the future. I had an adverse reaction to diazepam and I couldn’t get them to believe me because they thought my behaviour was all the mania. My DH believed me and he got them to believe him.

I worry I won’t be able to drive in the future as we live rurally. But living where we live is part of the reason I held on so long as it’s so peaceful and I love it. Doesn’t work if can’t drive though (lockdown was a taster of what being stuck in house 24/7 was like and it was unbearable for me).

Will you be able to take someone with you to the occy health appointment? Or if not, record it? I think a witness would be advisable, even if OH don't allow them to speak (I took my other half once, they wouldn't let him say anything but at least he was in the room). I've had good and bad experiences with OH. One helped me write a Wellness Recovery Wrap Plan, which told work what they should do if I ever got sick again. That was excellent. There are examples of WRAP plans on the MIND website I think if you wanted to go in with something positive prepared.

Last time it was a phone call, not face to face. I can ask if it’s being recorded if it does end up being a call xx

I've got my phone call with OH before starting my new job tomorrow. That will be interesting to see if it's a supportive call, or an attempt to get away with supplying as little reasonable adjustments as they can. Or even an excuse to not employ me at all. Who knows 🤷

Good luck 🤞 let us know how you get on and I hope it’s the best possible outcome one for you x

@Ramblingawaygood Luck, I hope its good news for you!

I'm trying to think of it as an employer filtering process. If they're shit about it, then I know not to stay with them too long, even if I get through it.

Good way of looking at it xx

Hurrah, I'm cleared to work! Nurse was very nice, said I was fit to work, but also protected by the Equalities act.

That’s great 😀
make sure you go for reasonable adjustments and what not 👍

That’s great news. Enjoy getting started.

@MarmadukeM how are things going for you with work?

Still waiting for an appointment with occ health, so in a word, nothing 😖.
i rang them yesterday to check they’d received my consent and they said they had but it was still awaiting triage. When I said id gone onto half pay they said I’d be able to return to work whilst awaiting the appointment as I could have meeting with manager and fo phased return so I explained they literally won’t let me back. She wasn’t impressed and said she’d do what she could to speed it up. X

Any updates?

I still haven’t got an appointment. I rang to chase it today and got a message saying that their phones are only manned 10 till 2. I’ll ring tomorrow and see if there’s any progress - so they received it last Monday and not even triaged it yet 😖.

How frustrating and difficult for you. It’s one of the hardest parts of having this illness. People leaving you in limbo for weeks on end like it has no consequence. Is it worth asking HR to consider full pay since you told them you’re ready to go back to work? Even if their official policy is half pay now, it is them blocking your return and causing financial consequences.

@MarmadukeM I agree with @TopsyTurvyDays

I would ask your GP to give you a fit note saying you are now fit and able to go back to work. Contact HR with the time line which shows you are currently only not in work due to red tape and admin.
I would also look in to whether this counts as discrimination as they are restricting your ability for earnings based on a disability.

Thanks for the advice 😀
frustrating doesn’t begin to cover it and I do feel like I am being discriminated against due to my bipolar disorder diagnosis.
I have a consultant review on Friday for my wrist fracture (which is the thing that’s actually kept me off recently not my mental health!) so I am going to contact my GP surgery and ask for a new note stating I am fully fit for work following orthopaedic review. If work then tell me that I need to submit a new one saying I’m not fit for work (like they did a few weeks ago and agreed based on my arm injury) I will refuse and I’ll contact them stating I am fully fit for work and willing to return and as they are blocking my return I will possibly seek legal advice and that I have had advice from my community team that this approach is actually the main factor that could be detrimental to my health due to financial stress and the fact they have been unsupportive and acted in a way that has had affected me negatively and goes against the equality act that my condition falls under.
ill then state that I am willing and able to return and have been seen twice by psychiatry who have determined me to be stable for over 3 months and that I have responded well to my new medication. I will give them the option of having access to the notes from my last two consultations in which there have been no concerns whatsoever regarding my bipolar disorder (last week and also July 27th)
I have 6 weeks holiday to take before Xmas as well so I might suggest they allow me back on my paid holidays to try and prevent me falling into hardship if they still block my return.

I am so done with them 😡

@MarmadukeM that all just sounds really poor and indeed like discrimination. I worked for the NHS many years ago and it was definitely a problem them but it's sad to hear that 20 years later it hasn't improved. I'm still waiting on my DBS, and trying to be a normal person at the minute, but I do sort of feel like I'm bottling feelings up again and pushing the anxiety down. The waiting to start isn't helping.

I work for a GP practice so it’s a bit like a private employer in some respects and I think that is where some of these issues are coming from - the management team don’t seem to have a clue how to go on. They’ve only contacted me to see how I am once in six weeks, the rest has been shirty emails about for notes and half pay etc the arseholes. I hope your DBS comes through soon and your new job goes ok. I totally get the anxiety bit I am really anxious about returning (not that I would bloody tell them that! ) xx

Oh well, once in 6 weeks is better than my ex employer who made no contact for 14 weeks, and no occupational health referral at all. I rang her every 4 weeks and supplied sick notes, but she did nothing. I think she just thought my psychiatrist would fill me full of drugs which would miraculously fix an untenable workload. Sadly even quetiapine and lithium and venlafaxine can only do so much.

God that’s dreadful 😖