Living with Bipolar

[TopsyTurvyDays]

Named changed and starting a thread just to reach for some understanding I think.

In my 50s, diagnosed a couple of years ago with bipolar when had episode of hympomania. Got back in touch with consultant yesterday as could feel mood lifting (I get more mania than depression). I don’t get euphoria- just angst and misery. Consultant is trying to help me find something more constant I can take to help get enough sleep, as sleeping tablets are addictive and stop working.

I’m just tired and worried and constantly monitoring. Worried I’ll be too much for my friends one day. Worried that I’ve passed on troublesome genes to my kids. Not too worried about my DH as he seems to take it in his stride… looking back I was disguising mild mania with being drunk when we met back in our uni days - so when I fell over the edge, it was all behaviour he’d seen before. We had a worrying couple of days while they ruled out brain tumours etc.

The only people who were mean to me (shouted and screamed) when I slid down the slope into needing an ambulance were my family - siblings and parents. That’s hurt.

I thought I’d imploded my life but actually it’s all gone back to being the same 99%.

I worry for the future. I had an adverse reaction to diazepam and I couldn’t get them to believe me because they thought my behaviour was all the mania. My DH believed me and he got them to believe him.

I worry I won’t be able to drive in the future as we live rurally. But living where we live is part of the reason I held on so long as it’s so peaceful and I love it. Doesn’t work if can’t drive though (lockdown was a taster of what being stuck in house 24/7 was like and it was unbearable for me).

I’ve fallen off stepladders while cleaning the walls in the new house and broken my wrist. 😖
so now I can’t drive or anything and I’m panicking about how I’m going to cope as lots of things I do for distraction I now can’t do for next 6 weeks. X

Oh no! I hope you’re not too shaken up.
I think you can drive a manual with one arm so long as insurance agrees. If it’s not too expensive and they will let you hire it, could you hire an automatic car for next 6 weeks?

its such timing but 6 weeks will pass. Take care.

I’m ok it’s bloody hurts like as was a displaced fracture so all deformed and they had to pull it back into position while i sucked some drug thing that sent me loopy. I’m just gutted as it’s going to limit what I can do but I just need to find stuff to occupy myself
my daughter is 19 and can drive so I’ve insured her for a month and asked her to give me a few lifts x

Just on here to vent a bit. Got a call to go to hospital for surgery this morning on the wrist but then they changed their minds and wanted another go at manipulating it into position. I got gas and air and they pulled it and pressed on it - it was agony! Then got it re plastered and they said it was ‘a bit better’ positioned but not in right place by sounds of it. So they will call tomorrow morning after their consultant meeting and let me know if they are needing to operate.
I just can’t believe how much bad luck I have had this year, the marriage breakdown, leaving my home, trying to get used to living by myself, my bipolar relapse and now this. I’m pretty low in mood but don’t know how to snap out of it as it’s all situational stuff and rationally it would affect anyone. Now that I can’t drive or do diy or knit etc I’m just sitting stewing. And I’m exhausted. I have meeting with gp tomorrow about return to work but I can’t do my job with one functional arm 😖 I’ve had so much time off with the mental health and now this has happened and I’ll get to the point I won’t be paid and will go onto SSP and I have mortgage and all that. It’s so bloody overwhelming 🙁

I’m so sorry it’s been so tough. You’ve done amazingly to keep one foot in front of the other. If your mental health feels well enough to consider returning to work, is there a way you can go back on light duties while your arm heals? I don’t know if that’s possible. All the best sorting out how the finances will work.

Thanks xx I am going to ask if I can go back and work in admin as someone has just left at short notice so although it’s not my role (am in nursing team) maybe I can do that just to be get back into work. The driving is an issue as it would take me an hour and half on and 2 buses but my mate could take me 3 days a week. It’s worth a try x

@MarmadukeMno good advice but hopefully the pain is improving and you can just ignore house jobs for the next few weeks while your wrist heals?

it is so difficult when everything falls on your shoulders but at least you are in your new home and even though it’ll need work, you have done so well to make the move!

Thanks x I’m lucky I got moved in and relatively organised before I had the accident. I’m just in hospital now as they are having to pin and plate it as it’s not in a good position. I’m. Just going to have to try and chill out and find things to occupy myself. I got a painter /handyperson off Facebook and they are charging next to nothing so maybe that will be a good outcome from this that I’ve found someone to get jobs done without ripping me off. X

@MarmadukeMthats amazing to find a reasonably priced trade, go you!

Good luck for your wrist op xx

Thanks it’s all done and I’m happy with the outcome, only have to wear splint for two weeks rather than cast for 6 and risk of it not healing properly. Yeah I’m pleased I found the tradespeople, they do all sorts so takes some of the stress away of finding someone reliable and available x

Good to hear op went well

Thanks xx

We have similar @MarmadukeM some years the problems keep coming. I'm glad the op went ok and I hope you recover quickly.

The last 2 years have been similar for me, I was just talking this week about the toll it has had on my mental and physical health with my cpn. In the last 2 years I have had 2 pregnancies with hyperemesis that ended in miscarriage, been made redundant, had a 3rd pregnancy with some serious complications, spent the last year with the physical effects of that. Family ill health, and general family life. It's no real surprise that here I am in a depression that won't shift.

I've been trying to work through the sums and work out if I can put my 2nd into some child care when my daughter goes back to school. I'm due to start therapy and my cpn anticipates that I'll get a slot at the end of August/beg. Sept based on the my position on the waiting list. I've just been issued a 3 month sick note so I can apply for ESA as this would give us access to funded childcare hours which would make putting no. 2 in childcare more affordable on one wage.

I was notified of a position I was hoping to apply for to start in September last week. It's absolutely gutting that I'm not well enough to apply right now never mind do the role. It's quite frustrating and a bit sole destroying. It's coming up 12 months of poor physical health, the GP is stumped and is trying desperately for a service to take me on to figure out what is going on. I feel very stuck by it all.

Ah I can completely empathise, I know we have different specific circumstances but there is that general theme of one thing after the other, things that would test anyone even in the best of mental health!
all we can do is hope that things improve for us. Sometimes life is just one big shit sandwich!

Also my work won’t let me back till next wrist heals. Can’t say I’m that surprised, just have to accept it I suppose. X

How is everyone doing this weekend. I've done two job interviews and had two rejections, so not feeling the best. Thank god for the quetiapine damping things down.

I’m sorry to hear that. Just remember that no one can know you based on a couple of pieces of paper and a couple of hours with you. I always tell people it’s a numbers game. Just keep applying. If you’ve got interviews then that’s good feedback on CV. You never know if they have someone in mind already for example. How do you feel you interview?

I’m struggling. My sister playing games, got appointment with private consultant this coming week and my mood is through the floor.

And here’s the kitten - he’s good company. 😀

OMG what an adorable kitten! Super cuddles.

He's adorable x

I had typed a message yesterday but mumsner deleted it and I’m not sure why unless it’s cos it mentioned a dating website? Anyways I was saying that I met someone on a site and been talking to him and he seems really nice so that has been something positive after all the shit that’s gone on. Hopefully am meeting up at the end of the week, it’ll be my first date since 2002 😮

How lovely. How’s the wrist recovery?

It’s getting there slowly. It’s really swollen still but I can do a bit more with it day by day so I’m not as incapacitated as I was lol. It’s the not being able to drive that’s the worst but hopefully I can drive in about 4 weeks x