Any therapists / counsellors out there who can give advice about transference?

[LostThePlotEncore]

As the title suggests really. I’ve been seeing a therapist since the end of last September and becoming a bit obsessed. I crave the space to feel heard and appreciated. I’m dealing with complex ptsd from SA.

Thanks marma. What do mean by a trauma response of trying to have too much understanding of it all?

When we have had too much or too little of something (I’m thinking attachment to others) we can keep searching frantically for clues and signs and how to be ok and feel ok because feelings are scary

you won’t get there frantically trying to have all the answers before you’ve done the work

not sure if that will make sense…

your posts sound like your going frantic trying to control the process (which is understandable) instead of just being in it and trusting it

my advice would be trust the relationship with the therapist to heal you and don’t get bogged down in getting the story right acoording to others. It’s your story and your story only that matters. And it doesn’t matter if you can’t translate it into words right now, that’s common

Thanks so much marma, that makes lots of sense. Assuming the therapist will spot/sense all this? I feel there’s sooo much deep within me and I don’t know how long it’ll take.

Well then your full of feeling, and whilst your in pain it means you have the capacity for deep feeling imv and a rich life

there isn't an end to it, it will take as long as it takes, and then some. But you will begin to feel more contained as the process goes on

and again imv, experience and enjoy your life in a way you weren't able to previously

but you gotta do the work!

The therapist already knows, because they have done the work themselves

in my experience the therapist will BE WITH you in the process, they don't APPLY something to you

it will take as long as it takes

Thanks Marma. What do you mean ‘you’ve got to do the work?’ Do you mean I need to go to the sessions? I’ve had counselling before and this feels so so different.

I did wonder if you’d know what I meant - it took me ages to understand

YOU do the work in therapy - it’s your work on yourself (I’m not shouting, just trying to emphasise)

you and the therapist are in it together, she is committing to support you doing the work on yourself

how is it different? Was it counselling before and this psychotherapy?

I ask because counselling can be about just the here and now so not nearly as challenging

Yeah I think it was CBT type counselling before and just dealt with the symptoms of my anxiety / depression rather than any root causes.

how do I know if I am doing the work? What does that look like? Just in the sessions or?

It all takes time, just keep going, thats the work

CBT therapists have no requirement to have therapy themselves in training or not much, it’s a totally different model that is mostly interested in symptom management

what type of therapy is yours now?

I can’t remember if I’m honest although she did tell me at the very beginning. She is register with the BACP if that helps?

I'm in a right mess. I’ve just popped to the supermarket with my youngest and saw my therapist. I knew we lived reasonably close but I had no idea. There was a quick wave of acknowledgement from down the aisle, nothing over the top. That was it. But now I’m really fearful she’ll think I’m stalking her. I literally rarely use that supermarket but was passing through.

You are not obliged to wave in situations like that. Blanking would be perfectly acceptable given the context. She’s not going to read anything into it - she’s a professional! Hope you are ok.

Thanks for replying. I just feel incredibly paranoid that she’ll think I’m following her or something.

You seem quite distressed. That must be difficult. I’m sure she won’t think that. I know it is hard though because you’ve convinced yourself. The therapist understands that people need to go shopping with their kids. Can you relax?

I’m going to try . I have my next session tomorrow so if she refers me out, I’ll know why!

It happens. She's unlikely to think that.
Also, an awkward wave is about right. I don't live where I work, but one patient of mine recently told me that she was planning a shopping trip somewhere I knew I would be on the same day. Patient don't really know anything about me, but on this occasion I did say, "if I see you, I will acknowledge you and then walk away." She's your therapist and nothing else, so she won't expect anything more than you did.

Thanks for the reassurances. I guess that I feel the transference so that makes me extra paranoid, especially after divulging the mum issues.

Stay true to who you are and gain understanding of your needs.

I’ll try legend thank you.

How did your sesssion go OP?

Thanks so much for asking. I feel like she was slightly distant this week.

Why do you think that? Maybe she has something else going on in her life that was worrying her or you might just be seeing something in her manner that isn’t even there.
How are you feeling?

Honestly, OP, people who live in the same area shop at the same supermarkets. You're excessively anxious about what you imagine she'll think of you - she won't think you're stalking her! There's quite a bit to unpick in your response to this very ordinary coincidence; perhaps it'll be a useful thing to talk about next time.

[edited as I'd misread dates]

I think you’re both right. I’ve just been sat in the same traffic in our town and noticed her car again. Can’t not notice now! I think I probably have to talk about it. She didn’t mention it.

@LostThePlotEncore you are over thinking this. Many of my clients live in my local area, and do it is natural that from time to time I may bump into one. Never would I think they were stalking me unless they actually were, and therefore popping up ALL the time.