Parents and carers of anxious teens(part 8)

[MinionKevin]

Started a new thread as I can see previous OP hadn’t been on for a while.

Link to previous thread:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/feeling_depressed/4970868-parents-and-carers-of-anxious-teenspart-7?page=40

hi @destiel00 and all,

thank you for checking in and for the update. Sounds positive all around, fingers crossed things will continue to progress in a positive way for you all

Here we survived the first two weeks of the GCSE’s… once they were underway there was a relief that the wait is over. DD went in and did what she could. Not really revised.
today is leavers day, emotional for sure. Much as she struggled with the school especially this year, she loved the social aspect of it and had quite a good rapport with several teachers.

I was signed off sick for 4 weeks as the lead up to the exams broke me in the end, additionally my dad has passed away suddenly, abroad. We haven’t actually spoken for many years for various reasons but I loved him and regretted not being able to say goodbye and make my peace with him while I still could…

Oh @Mb76
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. Grief can be complicated x
I think you were wise to get signed off.
I certainly found the build up to the exams worse than the reality.

How are you @Mb76 ?

just wondering if anyone else finds their teen has a few good days and starts to feel a small bit of positivity but then they slump and have a really bad day? Dd has a few good days with lots of good discussion about the future and plans and a good day yesterday but then has been in a really negative slump all day. Totally uncommunicative, everything is met with negativity and it feels as if she’s a million miles away from the person she was yesterday. It almost feels as if she fears letting go of the anxiety and negativity and brings it back as it’s the familiar emotion she knows. I’ve tried encouraging her to do something to help when she feels like that like going out on a walk, playing her instruments or anything rather than sitting in a dark room all day. She says it’s pointless when she feels like this.
just hoping tomorrow is a brighter day
sending love, hugs and strength to all xx

I’m ok thank you for checking in @Awomanofsubstance85

What you are describing sounds familiar, my DD is similar. She’s had a great first half of the May school holidays, but last couple of days the dark mood has descended, I’m guessing it’s to do with the rest of exams approaching.

10 exams done, 9 to go, and she’s not really revising. At least there’s no more lessons now, they are only going in to school for exams until the end now.

I'm spery to hear that your dc are struggling.
It reminded me that dd had a "blip" during may half term last year. It was a shock as she'd been doing so well 😕
She seems happy atm with her course and friends.
Older dd is causing me worry currently...she's still really struggling after her break up in January and is going to speak to s counsellor on Monday

Yes @Awomanofsubstance85DD got through her year 12 exams fine and then had a massive meltdown. Everything is end of the world, she hates all her friends, she’s never going back etc. We’re past it again.
They are fewer but still worrying when they happen still and very exhausting. These used to go for days but now it tends to be a single day at least.
we have a long term ahead to get through.

Hi all 👋
Hope all those dc sitting exams are doing ok?
Dd has had counselling today and she and her counsellor have decided next month will be her last session.
I feel a bit odd tbh.
This time last year she was in such a bad place it's so great she's doing so well - older dd is another story sadly 😕
I'm hoping the summer doesn't trigger dd - wanted to keep ger busy but shes npt 18 so finding jobs is tricky and the job she did have is ending as the shop is closing 😕

Hope everyone is doing ok?
Things plod along here - which I know I should be thankful for x

Hello everyone,
Have been missing from this thread!
Still very much belong here though :-(
Have been reading silently.
DD finished A levels and sat every exam which we wouldn't have dreamt of last year. It took everything from her but she wanted to do it.
She finally quit her part time job 2 months before exam and started to study. Hopefully she has done enough for herself. She decided uni would be too much for her and has decided to look for jobs and apply for some small apprenticeship later on.
Seems to have got herself a summer job but don't know till everything comes through. She is a lot stable on her meds finally. But the eating and the poor lifestyle continues and I worry the loneliness now with college over will trigger her again.
She hasn't left the house once her exams finished and I do feel sorry for her when so many are out with friends and on travels. But grateful for how far she has come and hopefully she will find something nice over the summer
Hope everyone enjoys the weekend and the sunshine.
Xx

@DarkChocHolic
I'm so pleased that dd managed to sit her exams x
I'm currently sat in bed and worried I've done the wrong thing encouraging uni open days 😕
Dd very quiet tonight 😕
I suppose time will tell

Hello everyone! Had to change my username as I can't seem to get into my old account! It's been a while since I've been on mumsnet. I've just needed time away. @DarkChocHolic that part is hard. I've been up and down with that issue throughout their lives, will they find stable friendships etc. I think you are right to focus on the progress she has made.

Here things are ok, still moments that send me spinning but when these come, I try to remember that technically they are adults and can live the lives they choose. I try to remember I'm here to support but anything else unless asked is not helpful for anyone and generally just makes things worse. I have recently signed up to get help. I think I've mentioned before that I feel like I have PTSD from the rollercoaster parenting ride of supporting kids with MH and ND. It's been relentless. I feel triggered all the time and even sitting with friends talking about their 'easy' kids, I find really difficult. Aside from a few trusted individuals, I don't discuss it in detail in RL and that can be isolating even when I am surrounded by people. I'm hyper vigilant all the time and have zero mental bandwidth. The heatwave doesn't help! Sorry to rant here. Anyway, I hope the weekend brings you and all our kids some joy, peace and space.

@destiel00we did our first uni open day this week. Honestly the department was great but it showed DD how far it was (minimum 90 minutes drive) which technically isn’t far but it is when you need help. Number 1 choice would be under an hour and lots more trains.
The one thing it has done has forced the issue of her limited diet and she is slowly trying things as she’s aware she needs more things she can make. She did have a meltdown after we went as she got over tired and hormonal.

Im worried about the holidays. She has arranged a few things with friends and we go away for a week so it breaks it up a little. She has plenty of work to be getting on with too.

Hi @MinionKevin
It's a pretty full on day, isn't it?
Dd was quiet, but she did tell us she was aware she was being quiet, she was ok, but just taking it all in.
Course looked good. Not a big cohort though so very competitive to get on.
We have another next week then more after summer.
We have a weeks holiday and she's looking for a pt job (no luck so far..)
She's planning to meet some friends and we've joined a pool/gym ao hoping that keeps her busy.

A levels over here. Mixed bag to be honest and she just seemed to coast through… not her usual determined, hard working self but to be honest I am just grateful that she managed to go in for each exam and she is still calm and steady. She doesn’t think she’s hit her target grades but we have an alternative plan and keep holding on to the idea that this is fate redirecting her in the path she needs to follow.
Now she wants to go away for a few days with a friend to a European city she is familiar with. The last time she was due to go out with friends around Easter time it ended up as a disaster and she didn’t make it out of the door. She knows the stakes are high and she says she needs to do this to prove to herself she can. I’m just really fearful… wondering if she goes on medication then it might help? Who knows… they are getting together to talk about a plan this week so we shall see.
This time last year we were so optimistic after she had set her sights on the uni of her dreams.. good luck to all those navigating this as well xxx

Bumping this as it’s the holidays!

DD continues to change and grow up. Has arranged several days out with her friends. Be interested to see if she copes as they have sometimes ended in disaster before.

good morning,

I typed a long update but got logged out of MN and lost the post.

GCSEʼs are done, didn’t revise at all so who knows what grades she will get. Y11 prom done, didn’t love it but it was an all girls school and no plus ones allowed.
straight after the exams she went on an AI holiday in a hot country with a friend’s family. She’s been on two holidays in the UK with these friends but this time it was different. She was very anxious and struggled to adjust to the climate and culture. Didn’t eat much as didn’t trust the food … cried on the phone to us every night for the first 5 days asking us to come and collect her… we couldn’t and she was fine in the end. She eventually enjoyed the activities and got acclimatised by the end of the holiday but did say this type of holiday is not for her..

since then we’ve been plodding along. A lot of things that we’ve been waiting years for are all happening at once. Had the assessment for social anxiety with the clinic she was referred to last year. Just awaiting the results, hopefully a diagnosis and a treatment plan, not medication but some some sort of behavioural therapy.

also assessments for ADHD and autism are finally underway with the right to choose provider. Filled in the forms. School did too, just waiting for the next steps.
Lower jaw braces are also going in next week, again it’s been years waiting.

not sure what she wants to do next education wise. Torn between a couple of colleges, not sure the courses she applied for are for her. I guess we will see when she gets her exam results. I’m dreading the results day and have taken the time off to deal with the potential fallout …

but overall things are a lot more chilled with no school and daily struggles to get her in…

hope everyone is doing as well as can be

@Mb76i can only say sixth form has been making of DD. It’s taken almost the full year to get to this point but I think college is a just a better environment for those who can’t cope in school.
I think if she doesn’t make the grades then there will be pathways to get where she wants, it will just take longer, I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. Time seems to make such a difference.

DD has gone out for a full day out with a bunch of friends on a train. I can hardly even believe it. I’ve not really heard from her which is always a good sign, if she’s not happy she tells you. Usually attempts to go out have failed (she tried last year) but she’s a very different person now.