Parents and carers of anxious teens(part 7)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Goodness,seventh thread!
Welcome back to those who have been on board with me since the days DS was first struggling,and hello to new faces

This thread is for those who care for anxious teens.some of us have diagnosis of ASD/anxiety/depression,others are encountering and navigating escalating symptoms that are starting to prove troublesome

This is a safe,non judgemental space to share ideas,offload worries and provide support and kind words for those deep in the trenches

We get how utterly exhausting it can be and are not afraid to celebrate the small wins that in regular circles would be deemed as insignificant as participating in "normal activities"

Ah, same here.

Yes, I keep thinking she could move early doors but it would be so, so stressful for her.

The 6th form dd turned down today have the rule that you have you have to be on site for morning registration, whether you have a lesson or not 🤷‍♀️. Certainly put dd off!

I try and listen, validate her feelings, but God, it's hard:(

Yep it is very hard which is why you will often slip up. Despite my advice to you, I did the exact opposite tonight and yes I made things worse. I feel terrible about it but I am only human myself and my excuse was I watched the news and was feeling overwhelmed. Lesson learned (again). It is a learning curve for us too so all you can do is try your best.

💙

I'm ill atm with whatever horrid virus is doing the rounds 😷

I've tried to clean and tidy as best I can as dds bf is coming up this weekend (I am not super keen on this bf, especially as he's booked a bus ticket that is not convenient very for dd...😡) but I will be mostly in my bedroom, I think, so I won't see much of him 😷

Dd has decided to train for the next event in July. I think this is a good idea, but, honestly, I am just questioning everything atm.

I'm also at a bit of a crossroads with a voluntary role. I've done it for years, and I'm proud of what I've achieved, but I'm tired.

Charities are having to take on more and more with less and less money. The issues are getting more serious/harder, too.

I think I might resign after the financial year ends.

Hope everyone is OK?

Absolute shitshow here ...

I got pretty ill and have pneumonia 😷

Dd had counselling earlier, and I can tell she's going to have a bad night already

Older dds bf is still here, and I'm very glad he is leaving tomorrow

Dh is away, and my cousin has just been put on end of life care :(

I feel wrung out

Dd has plans tomorrow with a friend, then needs to revise for mocks...

Older dd will panic once bf has gone home that she hadnt done enough uni work...

Fml

So fed up for my daughter.
Dd is still struggling with friendships at college. The group she hangs out with has 2 girls who are best friends so understandably dd feels like the third wheel sometimes. One of the boys she had a really positive relationship with and they got on really well until he asked her out! 🙄 she liked him but didn’t have romantic feelings and just wanted a really good friendship. Now things are awkward and he isn’t as interested in messaging or spending time with her. Foolishly we had told her that friendships would be easier at college and while she’s far happier than at school the friendships haven’t developed like we all hoped. She has social anxiety and I think she probably she comes across as slightly aloof and she’s so scared of rejection. We’ve been doing things as a family and she’s really good at occupying herself as she’s got lots of interests but she was really looking forwards to meeting up with an old school friend tomorrow and they’ve just messaged to say they are ill. No idea if they are or it’s just an excuse but I feel so gutted for dd. No matter what we say she thinks of it as another rejection. I’ve just said it’s a shame and suggested we do something instead… I’m trying not to show her how disappointed I am for her.
She really needs to join some clubs at college but finds it so hard… crikey when will she get a break?
I’ve suggested she look for people who are sat alone at college and speak to them but she says she wants people who are confident… can’t make her see that she is more likely to meet her tribe among the quieter people. Geez!

@destiel00 so sorry to hear about your cousin. I think with everything going on and being ill, it is no wonder you feel wrung out. If resigning is what you need to do to help yourself then do it. Try not to question yourself too much, although we all do it, your dd has made her decision and I think all you can do is see how that plays out. Be prepared for the worst whilst hoping for the best. And of course easier said than done!

@Roodledoodle83 Friendship struggles are so hard to navigate and incredibly heartbreaking to watch. I think you are doing the right thing by doing lots of things as a family. This is pretty much all you can do. There isn't an easy fix. Just keep supporting and listening.

For us, the last week has been ok, a few ups and a few downs. I wish all on here a calm and relaxing rest of the week x

Thank you.
Dd had a good day yesterday - saw a friend, went to her hobby.
She's planning on more mock revision today.
Older dd is, as I expected, in a foul mood because she's got so much uni work to do. Sigh.
Dh back tomorrow, thank God.
I'm going to ponder on the resignation...I wouldn't do it until after end of our financial year (which is June for us).

We had a good week followed by a bad week which seems to be the way it goes. She’s had a norovirus this week. The more she goes in the more sickness she picks up. It’s still an ongoing battle with attendance though.

Hi folks
Hope everyone is doing ok and your dd has recovered @minion?

I'm still ill...so over it now! It's the virus that keeps on giving, thats for sure 😷

Had a hard week with older dd getting very stressed (interviews) but she seems OK now.

Dd has been very busy. More mock exams, hobby group, post 16 interviews and gcse coursework. She seems OK, doesn't always sleep well though.

Counselling seems to be going ok and she likes the counsellor.

I've decided I'm resigning from my voluntary role after our financial year end. I've had enough.

Hope you all have a good week

@destiel00 hope you feel better soon. I think I'm there with you, I can't fully shake this cold/flu. Glad to hear your dd is having an ok week and counselling seems to help. Here things are relatively calm too. Long may it continue.

It's awful, isn't it?
I've got conjunctivitis and excema now, too!
🙄

@destiel00 thanks, as well as she ever is 😂
back to school and we were several hours late as she had a meltdown, of course she went in and had a great time. First day back is always the same.

Hello everyone,
Have been away for a few days travelling solo and having a quiet time away from work and home. It has been good to get away and I am grateful DH stepped up and parented solo.
Had his challenges with DD but in general everyone is alive and no one killed one another.

Have been reading messages on the thread.
Sorry to those unwell. That just makes it so much harder to deal with issues with issues at home when we simply don't have the energy.
Do look after yourselves. Everything else can hopefully wait.

DD seems fairly ok..college are ramping up on attendance and she got the scare she didn't have enough. She had been bunking for silly reasons and I hope this has put the fear in her.
Her mood is fairly ok, she is learning to drive and heavily socialising. I remember last year this time I was so sad she had no friends.
To those struggling with friendship issues, things do change but I completely get how heart breaking it is to watch them struggle alone.
The BF is still in the scene. I do enquired about him now and then but still largely pretend he doesn't exist!!!
Today she said his mum left the family recently and I was a bit taken by surprise by that. He seems to be with Dad and 2 siblings.
DH is still pretending to sweep the whole thing under the rug...
We somehow have to get through all this..don't we??

Take care everyone.
Xx

Counselling today, so dd now very tired and quiet.
I got about 2 hours sleep last night 😕 so I'm utterly shattered.
More post 16 stuff this week, so I'm expecting a meltdown at some point 😕

Well, after a few good weeks, dd had another panic attack tonight.
Was sick again.
Managed to use a couple of suggestions like cold water to calm her down.
She's had a couple of disappointing issues with friends this week and is getting more stressed re: gcses. She's also not sleeping anywhere near enough...tiredness is a huge trigger for her.
I dunno.
Dd struggling. Older dd struggling. Both seem unable to cope with stress at all.
I'm not sure where I went wrong :(

Didn't want to read and run. I'm sorry to hear about Dd having a panic attack and glad you managed to help her calm down. I'm also sorry your older dd is struggling. But please believe me when I say it's not your fault. I've spent many a night raking over the past, could I have done this or that differently. Would it have made a difference? Possibly or maybe no, I don't know and neither do you. We could have done everything differently and still be here. You are doing your best, you are there, listening and supporting. This matters. Hope tomorrow brings an easier day for everyone.

Thank you.
I haven't really slept :(

@destiel00
Sorry I can't filter as I'm not on MN premium so I may be asking questions you've already answered

Is your dd on medication? Has anything helped at all?

@destiel00
Sorry about the panic attack.
Hope you had a restful day.
In a way, it feels worse if things go bad after a few good weeks.
Somehow when we are in crisis, we are prepared and so we are on the guard all the time.
You managed the situation and that's something to feel thankful about.
y11 is a stressful time. Keep reminding her it will be over in a few months. Yes, the future is unknown but with exams out of the way it will hopefully be a huge relief and she will have more headspace.

Xx

Hi, My DS(17) is an anxious boy. He has a lot of social anxiety and also some existential OCD. I succeeded recently getting him to do some therapy and he has had two sessions. Yay, big win. He is going to university in Sep/October and I really worry for him, he is not great at making friends. He spends a lot of his time on his gaming PC playing games. Sometimes with friends, mostly not though. He occasionally, once a month goes out for a day with a friend. He doesn't see his old friends this year as he is in college. I try to get him to do things outside of home but it is very difficult and last weekend he failed (anxiety) and came home and refuses to try again. What is best in this situation, persuade him to try again or accept his decision that that's it hes not trying that again as he 'doesn't want to do it'. When I know it is something he would enjoy doing. Do we just gently support, and let them do whatever when they decide, or keep suggesting and hoping he will try stuff?

How far away is he going to uni and any chance he could defer? I have a friend whose son is at uni and she really thought he would be having the experience she did in the 90s. Instead he sits in his room and games with people from school. He’s not making friends or going out. He does very well academically but he’s hiding away more than at home.

Luckily his course next involves placements etc and she knows he’ll be better as he’ll be forced to go out and engage with people, but he won’t do it given the choice.

Halls of residence can be loud and I one I struggled with it when i was 18. It can be very full on having to be around people and go and eat socially or in shared kitchens.

Uni would be a 2 hour bus/train trip. I have said he can defer but only if he gets a job or does something where he has to interact with people. I think in that case defering a great idea. But I don't want him sitting in his bedroom gaming for a year.

To add to previous post. He said he will not get a job and thinks he'd prefer to go to uni next year. This is my fear that he will hide away from everyone at uni.

OP if you haven't already it would be great if you could start a follow up thread