Parents and carers of anxious teens(part 8)

[MinionKevin]

Started a new thread as I can see previous OP hadn’t been on for a while.

Link to previous thread:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/feeling_depressed/4970868-parents-and-carers-of-anxious-teenspart-7?page=40

Sigh.
Art portfolio work needed.
Dd has woken up in a vile mood.
I might just go out for the day

Morning.
Well.
I'm struggling. Time to face it, I think.
Older dd's industry placement is not going well. They aren't treating her well.
I'm starting to think she should quit.
Dd had a really good news day on Friday - a couple of school things re: exams have gone her way (she's requested to sit F papers, not H) but she's just not seeing it as positive?
It's what she wanted, she's been worried they'd refuse, but still isn't happy?
I simply can't do anymore than I am - for either of them.
So what do I do?
I feel like running away 😕

@destiel00 DD is also struggling with art coursework. She’s very good but she is slow and overthinks. If she had the focus she could get ahead fairly quickly. Instead she spends hours panicking about being behind.

She has an ongoing health issue which flared up this weekend and we spent all of Saturday in hospital with no answers. So yesterday was spent recovering. Didn’t think she would go in today but she did. I’m glad as I really need the break from her for a few hours.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear dd is unwell.
Adds another level of complication to everything, doesn't it?
My older dd was on and out of hospital as a baby til approx age 7. It's exhausting. Brilliant that she went into school, though.
I've been for a walk. Weather is lovely here and the Magnolia trees are starting to bloom, but I feel so low.
Angry at dh. Frustrated at and worried about dd's.
Mum has been in hospital again.
It's just constant worry.
I daren't take dd to task over revision in case it causes more episodes 🤷‍♀️
I'm hoping that she starts revising after the art practical! 😬

I've been there when you feel completely overwhelmed and helpless. At my dd's worst, I felt like nothing helped and every step forward felt like a step back, and every step back was a full on crisis. I actually got to a point where I gave up and just said to myself there is nothing else I can do. I mean I still provided basic support, food etc but I didn't do anything more. It did help me as it just gave me a little bit of a respite to regroup and she didn't get worse by me just stepping back. I hope you are able to find a moment for yourself.

Hope all your dds are feeling a bit better today. This is a difficult time with coursework and exams but it will pass.

Happy mothers day to you all 💐
I hope the day is being kind to you
X

Hope everyone had a calm weekend and Mother's day. If you've started Easter break, hope it affords you and your dc a break. My mother's day was given over to my own mum which is fine as I don't really care about it. In doing so, it just means less stress all round, I have no expectations and my dc don't have to worry about it! My mum friends are always but what about you, I don't have the energy to explain why this is actually the best way.

Things have been mixed here. In the last few days as the stress of deadlines loom, my dd's texts and calls have increased. I am trying to remember that her declarations that she hates everything and it's so hard are just her way of letting off steam and not a literal call for help. Still I find it triggering and have to work very hard not to drop everything and sort it all out for her despite the fact I can't really do anything! It's days like this when I wonder whether there will ever be a time that I can let go completely. I know I'm overthinking this and just need to remember the progress we have made.

We still continue to be up and down. DD got her predicted grades for GCSE, she hasn’t been to school consistently since year 7 and not lessons in 8/9. Some in year 10, she’s only recently started going consistently.
Anyway she’s only doing 5, 3 of them she’s getting a high mark, in maths she’s gone from a 1 to a 5 in 6 months! She’s on predicted a 3 in English but she hasn’t been to a lesson since year 7 and basically done no work for it and only one mock so still time to improve.
Makes me feel more confident about a levels.

Her DLA was renewed for another year, I thought they might try to move her to pip at 16. It’s a buffer until I can work again.

we are sfill having regular meltdowns though and she is very very demanding of my time which is exhausting. Still an improvement from where we were.

And I just got the letter to move her to PIP so scrap that.

I hope the move to pip goes well and is not stressful for you all x

Ah, yes, I often fall into "I must fix this immediately!". Which isn't true, and not really possible.

Dd seems OK, the deadlines are now starting to loom...art and drama coursework due next week 😬

She has actually started to revise (a bit).

Older dd seems better than she was, but is still tired and stressed.

So, we plod on....

So...Saturday night. I've just dropped dd to a birthday party.
She was dressed up the nines (a themed party)
She looked great.
I'm sure she'll have a good time.
So why am I say here worrying?
She'll probably come home fine then start panicking about something sad said/what she wore/something someone said to her...
I'm so fucking tired of her anxiety.
It ruins everything.

@destiel00
Hope you can try and enjoy a few hours whilst DD is out of the house to do something you like.
I have been anxious while DD is away at parries because I know she will come back either overwhelmed or upset.
I now know what to expect and what to do in those situations and I bet you do too..
So if you can, put a movie on and relax.
Bloody hard work I know!

@Okisenoughhope DD is ok with her uni work stresses.
I get your last line completely. The fear that this is a permanent feature in our lives..
To worry from even afar...

Thank you.
I'm watching s3 of the white lotus which I've been meaning to watch.
She said she might phone me early so I'm phone watching.
I guess I know what to do, but elder dd and dh not here so it's just me.
I don't feel like I'll ever sleep well again. I'll never just be able to sit and relax 😔

Hope everyone is OK?
Dh home at last.
Older dd back from her bfs.
Dd has a school trip tomorrow. I'm sort of expecting she won't go which is awkward as it's compulsory apparently...
Sigh.
I can't even look forward to the Easter break as dd sometimes struggles out of routine.
I will be enjoying not setting my alarm, however!
Happy Easter 🐰 🐣

We are away for a few days. Raining here. DD had a major panic attack last night due to overstimulation during the day.
DH and I are not talking and it's our anniversary.
Oh well .at least the breakfast at the hotel was nice.
Cannot wait to get back home.

((Hugs))
So sorry to hear dd is struggling.
Sending love x

Dd actually coped ok yesterday on the trip, even though it's was - in her words - "really instense".
I was pleasantly surprised.
Break up today for Easter so that may cause issues but I've come up with a plan to keep her busy in a creative way.
You never know- she might even do some exam revision! 🙄😬

@DarkChocHolic sending you a big hug. Sounds difficult. And I am sorry this is happening during your anniversary. Looking back over the years, I am amazed that me and dh are still together, the stress of parenting dc with anxiety, MH or ND can take quite a real toll.

I hope going forward Easter proves to be relatively calm and straightforward for everyone. My dd is now home for the holidays whether that will prove to be a good or bad thing, we shall see!

Hoping you are all OK?
How are things now you're home @DarkChocHolic?
First week of Easter hols done. There has been some gcse revision but not much 🙄
I'm struggling with back/neck pain which is making me a bit short tempered.
Older dd absolutely hating her post grad industry placement and I'm finding her attitude "challenging" - exams and placement will be done in 8 weeks and I CANNOT wait!
I think dd may have the opportunity for a few hours work in a local cafe this summer which she seems keen on.
No idea wrt older dd. She can't seem to cope with thinking about next week atm, let alone next year 😔
So we plod on.
Happy Easter 🐣

Not much revision going on here either! But DD is occupied and content. She even went out with a friend to the movies and for food! Unprecedented.

@destiel00
I am glad to be home. We somehow coped rest of the holiday though DH was being a real grumpy git. It has made me never want a family holiday again.
DD seems very anxious about the future. She needs a D in the end of year exams and it's a subject she isn't doing well in. She runs a risk of not being allowed to Y13 is she doesn't manage it. I have organised a tutor for her but I have no clue how to make her revise.
Anxiety is making her avoid revision and lack of revision makes her more anxious.
A levels were a mistake but it's too late now.
It is what it is. Not looking beyond a pass at A level but even that seems so hard.
Hope your older DD is ok once the placement is done
And hope DD gets the summer job and enjoys it.
Happy Easter everyone.
Xx

@Okisenough
Hope DD is happy to be home from uni and it's not too stressful for you.
Given that she has done more than a term there, I hope some things are easier now.
Though I fully get how each day is a school day in this parenting mental health malarkey

@DarkChocHolic
Ah, yes. Grumpy git dh <check>
Glad you're home and OK.
We got dd an English tutor which seems to be helping with her exam technique and self confidence.
For me, it's the self sabotaging element of their behaviour that I really struggle with most.
I know it's due to the anxiety, or a reaction to the anxiety, but to me it feels like being gaslit (almost).
Dd: I'm so anxious about not doing well in my exams/not getting into my preferred 6th form/not getting chosen for activity X.
Me: I can understand that, I think. Perhaps you could try a/b/c/what your counsellor suggested/what your favourite teacher suggested?
Dd: I can't! I'm too anxious!
Sigh.
I'm having some success encouraging her to use the pomodoro revision technique which she seems able to cope with.
I'm pleased that dd has chosen post 16 courses that are 100% coursework/portfolio based
I can't go through exams again!
Older dd utterly miserable 😢
I'm not sure she'll go into this profession after this, tbh, but it's about knuckling down and getting it done now 😕
Dd and I are out tonight at the theatre so hopefully that will be a nice break - although I'd also happily stay at home and watch a poirot!
I'll have my mother and in laws to deal with tomorrow 😬 so I'm taking the opportunity to slob about today.

Argh...
Took my mil about half an hour to make a vaguely racist comment 😬
Mum was, as usual, pretty silent.
Older dd decided to wait until 5 mins before everyone arrives to tell me she's anxious about going back to her placement on Tuesday and feels low.
Join the bloody club!!!! 😔
I just don't know what else to say to her.
She doesn't want to drop out so...she's just got to crack on?
I'm simply out of advice/sympathy now 😔
Hope you've all had a better day!

@destiel00
One thing a therapist told me was to say nothing when DD raves and cries. It's very hard as I usually want to shout or offer advice.
I now realise I can do nothing that will change the situation so keeping quiet is probably the best thing
She also said to leave the scene swiftly. Reassure, give a hug and swift exit rather than sitting and listening to the crying or venting.