Parents and carers of anxious teens(part 8)

[MinionKevin]

Started a new thread as I can see previous OP hadn’t been on for a while.

Link to previous thread:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/feeling_depressed/4970868-parents-and-carers-of-anxious-teenspart-7?page=40

@Mb76 how old is your daughter and how long has she been struggling?
if you’d have told me when she was a child that dd would struggle like this I’d have laughed. Husband and I used to look at each other and smile at our happy, joyful and quietly confident child. I get how anxious she is but I have to admit that sometimes I’m really frustrated by how she won’t help herself (I get that she can’t).

I could have written your post word for word…
my DD just turned 16, and she started really struggling last summer during the GCSE mocks… it’s been escalating since, I do feel the school pressures are making it a thousand times worse.

@Mb76 feel better knowing it’s not just me feeling this way.
Being a mum was my favourite thing in the world and I felt so confident in my ability to parent where now I just feel like an absolute failure. I don’t think anyone in my family or friendship group realises how much we are struggling as they see the positive bits and I feel that it isn’t my struggle to share.
Sh usually bounces back quicker than this but I think she’s really worried that she has messed up the best friendship she has…

Dd still lying in bed and now devastated as her friend hasn’t replied to her messages last night… I am torn as I get how disappointed her friend must have been and probably thinks Dd is messing her around but gutted for Dd who may have lost her best friend. Don’t think Dd shares her anxiety with her friend an she provably comes across as fine in her interactions with her friends… not sure how I handle this..😢

@Awomanofsubstance85
I hope things have settled down now. Its horrible to feel so helpless.
I really hope DDs BF is understanding and supportive, its hard when they are young.
Easter holidays start here today and its a such a relief not to try and get DD up and out every day.
Shes been very wobbly atm, her Art Alevel after easter and shes behind in her practical prep as her fabulous teacher has been ill for last 2 weeks which has really set her back.
Will be relieved when art a level is over!
Happy Easter everyone.

@Runnerduck34 Hope you’ve had a lovely Easter weekend.
gcse art was bad enough here… I remember the stress and having to run out at the last minute to get some oil pastels as she’d run out and needed to complete something. My dining table still wears the scars of that period!
Bit up and down here… dd had a different friend over for the day last week which really perked her up and made me feel more positive about things. Unfortunately, her best friend is making excuses not to catch up (I think they are excuses but who knows!) and I get her disappointment… hard to know if it’s her parents possibly giving her advice to cool the relationship (they are a little complex!) but dd is gutted. This is th one person she can be herself around and she is a real positive influence. I’ve suggested she just keeps things light with her for a few weeks and hope things get back to normal soon.
Little studying being done and the predicted grades seem so aspirational right now and I can’t even see her being able to sit the exams… Hope the medication starts to kick in and perhaps being back at school next week will help.
At least she is back to talking about her feelings again and we did have a good chat last night… she is feeling so negative about everything right now…. I’d give anything for something g to happen to turn the tide.
love of anyone else feeling like they are wading though syrup x

Hope you all had a peaceful Easter break?
We had a few days away, which was nice but rather marred by dd1 and her constant sadness/glumness re: her breakup.
It's getting really wearing, which makes me feel lile an awful mum.
She's at the "no one will ever love me again!" phase.
I'm trying very hard not to get drawn into long discussions (which go nowhere and don't help her..) and just listen and nod.
Dh is away til next weekend so its all on me - again.
She was in a bad place this time last year, too (post grad nightmare
and shitty bf behaviour..) and here we are again.
Her friends are being amazing, I have to say.
Dhs uncle died (fairly unexpectedly) so I'm also planning a funeral (my mil is 83 and in poor health so I'm doing it for her)
Dd seems to be ok. She's working hard and has got a college friend coming over tomorrow.
I seem to just be constantly waiting for the next crisis 😕

I hope you all managed to get some rest over the Easter holidays.
DD has developed a health anxiety. Every little thing that seems wrong sends her into a spin. Had so many appointments. Twice in out of hours over the holidays. Panic attacks, heart palpitations, waiting for an ECG (I am sure it will come back fine)… then on Saturday stomach ache, had to check it in case it was appendicitis (it wasn’t).
today she had orthodontist and did not make it back to school after, I am dreading the next two months and the scope for school refusals - by her logic all the learning is done and there is no point going in. Yet she’s not able to revise independently at home. I never ever could have imagined this would be our lives now.

wading through syrup and waiting for the next crisis definitely resonates with me. I am so tired.

sending you all strength - and thank you for reading

Sorry to hear of dds HA @Mb76
It must be exhausting for you (and her).
My friends dd went through similar, had an ecg and it was normal. It did mean she got propranalol though.
Wading through treacle is absolutely how I feel since last January.

Just checking in. Probably had the most peaceful holiday ever, no meltdowns at all. She just got on with her work and we went out a few times. Didn’t see her friends which is a sticking point but thats because they are all so unsociable.
Small drama about going back in today so I had to basically kick her out the car - however she had a great day and came home happy and full of stories.
Shes planning on trying some new foods too, her diet is very limited. A few more things would make all the difference. She can’t leave home unless she eats!

Really pleased to hear your update @MinionKevin ☺️
Lovely news x
Dd has counselling tomorrow and told me earlier she's hoping to stop needing to go by the autumn!
She continues to work hard, but places far too much pressure on herself.
I'm in the middle of renovating a room in the house - looks great but its been exhausting - so I've been less "available" and the sky hasn't fallen in!
Mum continues to deteriorate imo, but siblings not interested.
She hasnt left the flat other than to be admitted to hospital since early February 😕

@destiel00 you’ve got so much going on there… I remember when my mum was needing me more and more and that was pre-teen anxiety days.
well done you for redecorating the room though, am sure it will be lovely and it is nice to do something positive sometimes. At the moment I’m relishing going into work as it’s something I’m good at and there is so much companionship among the staff members. I get a few hours of not thinking about anxiety and even get some time to step back and really focus on issues. It’s ok until something goes wrong and then I feel helpless and my ability to handle stress at work myself is sometimes diminished unfortunately.
A few up and downs here, still struggling as her best friend hasn’t really been the same since dd was unable to go on the planned day out at the beginning of the Easter hols. I understand but I’m gutted for dd as they had been friends for so long. I suspect th friend’s parents have perhaps suggested she back off but she misses her so much. I’m just hoping in time they can reconnect. Not sure whether dd should just back off ans let the friend come back when she is ready or to keep communicating (but she is then rejected on a regular basis). Some good times as well- she has started a new friendship at college but it’s in the early days.
have a great day everyone x

@Awomanofsubstance85
That's a tough one...I think I'd be advising dd to back off contacting and let time do its healing thing, but thats easier said than done x
I lost a friendship at 16 because I had to pull out of a holiday with a friend and her family (my mum was in a mh crisis) and she never forgave me.
It was hard at the time, but better in the long run (we had become quite co-dependant looking back)
Dd1 has just left for work. I now hide in my bedroom until shes left 😕
I was in her room for over an hour again last night going over the same ground wrt her breakup.
I have nothing new to say and she gets annoyed with me.
I'm not sure if she needs to speak to the gp. She's speaking to a counsellor.
I feel awful for saying it, but I'm finding the whole "no one will ever love me again" really irritating 😕
I think I just need to tell her I can't keep doing it. Its not helping her or me 😕

....And I'm yet again in funeral planning mode (dhs uncle)
I really wish people would appoint executors/poas who are younger than them!
My poor mil just can't cope with any of it (shes 84)
I feel quite fed up.