Parents and carers of anxious teens(part 8)

[MinionKevin]

Started a new thread as I can see previous OP hadn’t been on for a while.

Link to previous thread:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/feeling_depressed/4970868-parents-and-carers-of-anxious-teenspart-7?page=40

@MinionKevin well done to your DD. So pleased for her.

@MinionKevin
Oh, that's brilliant! 👏

Rant alert.
DD had spent all of this weeks bus and college lunch money on evening out with bf.
She has no money for tomorrow to go in and she has a test.
She will probably fake illness and not go in tomorrow
Am so fed up!
If I step back she is upset I have given up on her.
If I tell her off she says I am controlling.
What the heck does one do?
I am so exhausted with this shit.

@DarkChocHolic
That's really hard.
I've no advice, really, as older dd is driving me up the wall atm. Says one thing - Does the opposite 😡 but wanted to send you a supportive ((hug))

Thanks for all the support on here. I just wanted to update and say the gastroenterologist prescribed some stronger sickness meds for my dd and she has made it to a few lessons and she seems to be coping with exams. I’m giving her leeway on other lessons if she doesn’t feel up to them now I see she’s attending the exams. I still have to drop her in the morning as she’s not liking the bus. Work also dropped her hours to 4 a week until after exams so she managed to get through her shift last weekend ok.

@DarkChocHolic yes that does sound exasperating. Take care of yourself first. I remember similar moments like these and with hindsight I should have stepped away and gone for a walk or something instead of either blowing up or trying to smooth dd's path. Hoping you feel better today x

@Okisenough
Thank you!
I need more time for myself. Sadly next few months are a bit hard as I have people staying over. I know what timing for everything!
DD has a birthday coming up soon and I am very ashamed to say I feel no enthusiasm to plan and organise anything. It's her 18th too so she will expect it to be special.
Or maybe she will not even be home and go off to bf's don't know.
Feel really stuck. Should i ask her what her plans are for birthday?
Had a word with her last night about her spending again. They went for dinner and movies yesterday and she has paid for the whole lot including parking ticket.
I said to her everything needs to be shared as neither of them are in full time employment.
She nodded her head and said she was genuinely sorry but am sure she will do the same thing next week
I told her I live in hope...
Xx

@DarkChocHolic I feel you. Birthdays have always been difficult and I was delighted when the 18th one was done and dusted. Now birthdays are just a nice family dinner or outing with gifts/cake and I leave them to organise anything else with friends etc. I think you will need to ask her about her plans.

The whole paying for everything does not sound right, I agree with you that the expense has to be shared.

My DD has had a disappointment with some University work, and I just got an earful as apparently I wasn't sympathetic enough! I thought I was but it can be very hard to convey things over text. Anyway I am not pretty miffed at her so my sympathy is even lower now!!!!

x

Well thought we were doing okay until last night and she had a meltdown over English exam today. She hasn’t been to an English lesson since year 8. It’s the one area school have let her down really, I can’t help her as it’s too different to gcse English in 1990!
Got her to school and she couldn’t get out of the car. Luckily a wonderful member of staff got her in and sorted out somewhere quiet for her to do it. Really didn’t think she would manage to go in. Not the best circumstances to do well in it and we are prepared to resit but I think she still needed the practice.
thank goodness it’s half term!

Oh, that's a shame @MinionKevin
Glad she got in at least and, as you say, it's great practice/experience
Dd not very chatty this morning...English Language, along with maths are the really anxiety inducing subjects for the vast majority I think

Staff said a few of them were struggling this morning. There’s so much pressure to do well in them.

Good luck to your DD, as you say, it will be good practice. Hope everyone gets some respite over the half term.

I do think Governments need to consider another way. We need to help all our children to find a way to learn the skills they need to make their way in society. Yet Governments continue to go for a narrow stick approach with a Hunger games vibe. Who are they catering towards? It isn't most children.

@MinionKevin hope DD comes back relieved it's over.
Bring on half term
Xx

fucking Gove 😡

came out with a smile and said it wasn’t too bad, phew!

Brilliant! 🙌

@MinionKevin
Glad to know. Hope she can relax today knowing she has a week off

@Okisenough
Sorry you are miffed about DD and her uni work.
Hope the texts from her are not too draining.
It's funny how much of headspace they take when at home and not at home.
Don't know which is worse
Xx

@Okisenough
I can very much relate!
Older dd has made it to half term but is running on empty, very tired, very unhappy and taking it all out on me 😔
Dh away with work until tomorrow (great timing as usual) and I cannot wait until there is another adult in the house!
Still no idea if she will pass or not, uni keep moving the goalposts. She should have complained weeks ago but 🤷‍♀️
Here we are.
I also feel bad because January and February were so focused on dd.
Have a good half term, folksx

Feeling very low today.
Older dd has been offered something by her uni tutor that I told her to request last week.
It would have looked SO much better if she'd requested it herself...😡
Dd seems to now be struggling again as school has ended for half term 😔
I know I can't do anything re: older dd. She'll pass or she won't. Ditto dd.
But I'll be the one picking up the pieces of it all and I don't think I have anything left in me.

Sigh.
So, dd just spent half an hour crying.
She's sad.
She doesn't know why.
Hoping it doesn't trigger an attack.
Fml

Sending you a big hug @destiel00 all I can say is hang in there, this too shall pass. Do whatever you have to to give yourself some headspace x

@destiel00
If only they listened!
But they are not able to.
One day they will and it's a bloody long patient wait until then.
Hope DD cheers up. Mine gets sad during holidays too.
In her case it is the lack of structure and possibly the thought that she isn't having a fabulous holiday.
Having said that she also struggles term time so I can never win.
Hope you have a quiet Sunday and treat yourself to cake or wine or both
How are you coping with the AD?
That could also throw you off the mood. The first few weeks aren't easy
Big hugs.
Xx

Thank you both.
Tablets are ok - I don't feel I'm having and bad side effects (but it's a low dose)
I'm struggling with how angry I feel towards dh and dd1 lately.
But...as you say, they don't listen...it's not a new thing! 😊
We have no plans over half term as both dds have revision/uni work to do and dh is very tired after a work trip.
And it's raining here...which I usually don't mind but it seens a bit grim today

@destiel00
It's ok to be angry. You recognise it and that's good.
I don't think anyone can be zen like in this journey.
The only thing you can do is lots of self care for you. So you can be strong and patient for them.
Until they are ready.
Xx