General support thread 3

[Helplessandheartbroke]

All welcome x

Im so sorry you're struggling with this too! It's awful isn't it. How do you try and shift the thoughts? Have you found anything that works?

Not so much now, and I've had it in the past where I'm ruminating about past mistakes. I've found it's a symptom of something else stressing me out. Like I'm feeling bad anyway and my mind is reminding me of the reasons I should feel bad. So if something is stressful in life, when they stress goes away so do all the rumination.

Or maybe the medication helped at the time, qutiapine broke the cycle and I didn't stay on it. I tried daily journalling and consciously challenging negative thoughts and thinking positive but it was hard work and I was exhausted with insomnia.

Now I don't think like this. But I get angry more than I used to. However past 2 weeks have been much better than the 2 weeks before.

Thank you. It makes sense. I just convince myself im a horrible person and should be in prison or worse... it's a horrible feeling. Think I might need to go back on meds but I am trying to avoid it as it took a lot for me to come off them

Yes - I try not to spend too long thinking about them (but do acknowledge the thought )

I wonder if I should have tried harder in my marriage / jobs . I think my MH (low esteem) caused me to walk away from both.
BUT, I also flip the situation and consider how much worse my MH could have become had I cotinued with them (marriage/jobs)

Does that make sense?

Course it makes sense but there's also a valid reason you walked away from those.

My thoughts are more of things I've done wrong yours were clearly right for you at that time. Are you happier now?

Oh OK - I misunderstood.

No, I am not really, but try to be at peace with it.

WOuld it help to talk about the kinds of thigs you mean (only if want /able to)

I hope you can find happiness soon. Do you have a good family support etc?

It's things like I've mentioned re ddog and there's doing daft thinks drung. Bunny boiling and ex when I was young because I wanted him back (god knows why he treated me terribly) and a couple I don't feel comfy sharing online.

Im trying to be positive and think we all make mistakes. I don't want to go back on meds x

I am due to start counselling today
But they have cancelled It
I have autism and can't do facetime ,can only manage on the phone
All the counselling I have had before has been on the phone
But whenever I have tried to explain I can manage facetime ,or camera on ,I get bullied in to it ,or I get refused counselling
So this time I said I only had an old tablet and the video doesn't work
But ,no one warned me they wanted to face time ,they just sent a link yesterday.
So when I said my camera didn't work,they just cancelled the session.
I've never been able to have counselling with someone looking at me ,I can't talk in that situation.
So I expect this will be another lot of counselling I can't access 😞😫

Can't manage facetime,,that should say

@Bulldogsummer that's tough. I think it's because communication is more than verbal. I've recently considered I could be autistic and have felt much more supported talking on the phone to Samaritans than a face to face councilling I did one time...I do a lot of face to face socialising at work though so might not have a problem councilling again... allthough it's different talking about deep subjects. I've not looked for councilling yet though, I think I need to....

@Bulldogsummer if this is a different source for counselling can you try and be honest with them? Im sure you're not the first and you certainly won't be the last that can't manage face to face

Thanks guys
I don't know if I really want it anyway
It can't change anything,talking about the past just brings me down.
I'm never going to get any answers

I can't work out if I'm using the facetime as a problem to put up barriers .
Perhaps I'd force myself to facetime if I really wanted it .
I don't know .
All this talk of adjustments for my DC with autism in school...as an adult in the real world,there doesn't seem to be any

@Bulldogsummer its true. I had cbt to try and help manage my ocd but hey ho I've still got ocd!

We're here if there's anything you want to talk about. Can even private message if you need. Sometimes it helps to get a strangers perceptive. You could have easily told me I did wrong by ddog etc but you didn't and having a stranger tell me makes it better as you tend to believe them more. If that makes sense?

But you didn't do wrong by ddog ..you were clearly a loving owner .❤️.

I really hate my first name ,I actually changed it as soon as I got to be an adult, parents refused to call me by it ,so I ended up changing it back so not to confuse my children.. stupidly I thought my parents were going to have a lot of involvement with my children.
But I still cringe when I hear my name ,it doesn't feel like it belongs to me ,and when I hear someone calling me by it ,I instantly think it's her calling me ...it literally gives me the creeps

The autism causes me a lot of problems,and my parents dreadful behaviour has caused me a lot of problems .
It's left me never sure of my own mind ,not able to make difficult life changing decisions and always doubting myself,never doing the right thing for myself.
I'm able to stand up for my DC ,but can't do it for myself.
So trying to change myself,I can't work out if it's the autism,or just me ,or effects of neglect

@Bulldogsummer my df has gone no contact with his biological mother (cant call her his dm shes anything but!) and changed his first name by deed pole in his 50s. Some people still call him his old name but hes used to that but all paperwork etc is in his new name. You do what you need to do

Did it cause a problem with bank accounts or qualifications @Helplessandheartbroke

@Bulldogsummer no he just sent the relevant docs off

I don't know ,I just think the having to explain myself and the name change will draw more attention to me ..and I don't like attention on me .

@Bulldogsummer yes it will to people who know you now but strangers and people you're yet to meet won't bat an eyelid as they will know no different

Hi,
How is everyone doing?
I have not got round to booking counselling and I really need to.

I had an angry outburst at DH today. During an argument he called me a lying bitch within earshot of children and I was carrying washing upstairs. I had an angry impulse to throw the basket at him, and shouted at him don't call me a bitch. He looked scared/very angry, I couldn't tell. I'm thinking it is a DH problem, the route if my bad mental health. Or at least I feel somewhat gaslit, and he can be controlling. I thought I offered to walk the dog but he said I didn't, I might have just thought it. I do have diagnosed poor working memory with dyslexia, but he seems to think his memory is perfect.

I am doing better parenting wise. Someone in public complemented me when I did a calm countdown with my 2 year old to leave a shop without buying a toy. But it made me realise DH rarely tells me I'm doing a good job, just says how easy he finds things and that the children listen better to him.

I'm painting him in a bad light because I'm angry with him.

Hey sorry for the delayed response. Now you've had time to reflect are your thoughts any different? Im sure you're a terrific mum and your dh should he telling you this not undermining you

DH has his good and bad points. It's his birthday today so I'm not bringing up our argument from Monday. I've recently stopped working on Mondays to do an extra day as a mum. It's hard, and I'm not sure I made the right decision, when DH expects me to have the kitchen clean and tidy when I cook because he manages easily and quickly. We are very different in that way...I think I have ADHD and autism as well. I mentioned it to DH as he works in a special needs school and he said he doesn't think I do. But maybe because he's too close to me. The reason is because I don't hyperfocus or have a special interest. But I think I can't allow myself to hyperfocus much because I have so many little jobs I need to do in my busy life. And children need attention.

It presents differently in women and girls ..it's a huge criteria,that only professionals are trained to diagnose..your DH works in a special school with children,who present totally different to adults .
I was diagnosed age 50 ,so there's no limit to diagnosis

Thanks. My daughter broke her wrist yesterday evening. I knew as soon as she came in with her dad it was broken as I'm a Radiographer and have seen loads of children with broken wrists. but DH didn't think so. She was running with her and she fell asleep he's started taking her jogging. DD didn't want to go in the evening and I found out from colleges it was busy in the urgent treatment centre so I took her this morning.

I took the first step and calling a counciling service through my work, they will call me back this afternoon. But I think it was mistake as waiting for the call back is stressing me out. I have done loads of admin for her going back tomorrow. I've kept DD off, the school need me to sign a risk assessment before she goes back tomorrow and she normally goes to breakfast club.

DH called be to ask if I'd taken her back to school and gone to work and that I should have. And how bad it is that she's missed school because he went running with her. It not going to take much for me to snap at him again honestly, It's his way of being upset but he does not deal well with hospitals. Almost like pretending it didn't happen. I think I run through catastrophic scenarios in my head quite often, I actually thrive in situations like this, but feel bad in getting almost enjoyment from my daughters pain.

So yeah, finding out more about my neurodiversity, is quite low on my agenda. But thank you for listening.