Page 12 | General support thread 3

Jenkibubble · 12/09/2025 13:22

Helplessandheartbroke · 12/09/2025 11:25

Hi and welcome!

I hate others are suffering too but hopefully the loveliness of this thread helps. It certainly helped me yesterday.

Do you DC reside at uni? Sounds like you're concerned about the loneliness this brings. Would you still feel lonely if you relocated?

I live with DH and DS but still get lonely. Maybe going in the office more would help? That's my plan.

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This guy man unsure of (lonely ina. New place or lonely in a settled place )

Jenkibuble · 12/09/2025 13:48

Jenkibubble · 12/09/2025 13:22

This guy man unsure of (lonely ina. New place or lonely in a settled place )

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Sorry. This makes no sense . It should say -

This I am unsure of . Is it better to be lonely in a new place or a place I am familiar with.

Original poster

Helplessandheartbroke · 12/09/2025 13:52

Jenkibuble · 12/09/2025 13:48

Sorry. This makes no sense . It should say -

This I am unsure of . Is it better to be lonely in a new place or a place I am familiar with.

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I did wonder lol.

Id say familiar truth be told. Familiar bring me comfort but that's just me.

When I lost ddog I would sometimes walk down the street or round the estate I used to walk with him. It hurt me as I was lonely but also felt safe as it was familiar.

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Bulldogsummer · 12/09/2025 15:34

Helplessandheartbroke · 12/09/2025 07:31

I noticed your username :) honestly I can't. It broke my so much to lose my boy and to still feel like this almost 2 years on I couldn't do it again. No other dog would be like him either he was one of a kind. Plus I couldn't do the puppy stage with my ds and couldn't rescue either because I have ds. They are such amazing dogs though. Do you have one now?

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I've never had one ..I've had other dogs tho..and it is utterly awful when you loose them xx

Bulldogsummer · 12/09/2025 15:53

Jenkibuble · 12/09/2025 10:40

Hope it is OK to jump on this post ....

I am facing quite a transition ( both kids go to uni this month ) which I am dreading. I worry about them but do not want to pass this on to them and hide it well.

I am in 2 minds about re-locating too but so uncertain. This would take me further from where kids are . My work is hybrid but coudl be totally remote.
I like the sociability of the office but get distracted too!
I have only a few friends and the ex h where I currently live !

I feel drained at the moment too - went to donate blood yesterday and was rejected as anaemic and trying to get the docs to prescribe me some iron.
My sleep is poor at the moment - fall asleep but wake several times (no reason) magnesium does not really help.
I am forcing myself to exercise as this helps me . I take AD meds and these keep my emotions stable . I take HRT too - 44 and covering all bases.

SO many decisions which seem overwhelming . Just needed to offload really :(

Well mine went to uni ,and didn't cope , dropped out at the start of the second year due to mental health..then re enrolled at a different uni for year two ,but stayed home and did the course by corresponding
And they are both back home full time after
I think most students these days go back home to live after uni
Also ,if your lonely,the kids will want to visit their friends in the holidays so your more likely to get their company by staying in their home town ..plus their dad is there ,so less travelling for them .
My advice is to wait and see where your children settled after uni hen think of moving,if they move first

Original poster

Helplessandheartbroke · 12/09/2025 18:50

Bulldogsummer · 12/09/2025 15:34

I've never had one ..I've had other dogs tho..and it is utterly awful when you loose them xx

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It is heartbreaking hence my full blown breakdown and blaming myself for everything! Worst loss I've suffered for sure.

How come you've never had one? Breeding problems put you off? X

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2in2022twoyearson · 12/09/2025 18:57

My dog is 13. He helped me through lows. He's healthy, except for stiff joints deaf and Cara acts but I know his time is nearly up.

Bulldogsummer · 13/09/2025 07:34

Helplessandheartbroke · 12/09/2025 18:50

It is heartbreaking hence my full blown breakdown and blaming myself for everything! Worst loss I've suffered for sure.

How come you've never had one? Breeding problems put you off? X

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The dogs we had / have sort of found us ..an in-laws brother put one on Facebook book for free ,and we were so worried where he would end up ,we ended up having him .another a relative bought very late in life , ended up in hospital and we had to take him in , temporary untill relative went home ..relative never did ,so we had to keep dog .another was my daughter's dog ,who then moved out ..and the very first was a family dog bought because they all wanted one and they chose the breed ...so that's kind of why I've never have one

Bulldogsummer · 13/09/2025 07:40

The dog that was free on Facebook has recently been attacked at the park by a collie cross , literally it came from nowhere,owner miles behind..our dog on the lead walking , suddenly this dog had him in his mouth ,blood everywhere,my dog escaped his harness and ran of with this dog chasing..my DH follows the trail of blood home and the collie dog tries to get in our house to attack him again.
We obviously rushed him to the vets .. he's just finished 3 lots of meds and fur is starting to grow back from where vet shaved it off ..
But that has now made me to scared to walk them ( we currently have two out of the 4 mentioned,the other two died years ago )..so my husband is now doing all walks ...
So there's no way I could have a bulldog,if not walking the two I live with

Original poster

Helplessandheartbroke · 13/09/2025 08:10

Bulldogsummer · 13/09/2025 07:40

The dog that was free on Facebook has recently been attacked at the park by a collie cross , literally it came from nowhere,owner miles behind..our dog on the lead walking , suddenly this dog had him in his mouth ,blood everywhere,my dog escaped his harness and ran of with this dog chasing..my DH follows the trail of blood home and the collie dog tries to get in our house to attack him again.
We obviously rushed him to the vets .. he's just finished 3 lots of meds and fur is starting to grow back from where vet shaved it off ..
But that has now made me to scared to walk them ( we currently have two out of the 4 mentioned,the other two died years ago )..so my husband is now doing all walks ...
So there's no way I could have a bulldog,if not walking the two I live with

Awww im sorry to hear this. That would have been traumatic! Glas your ddog is on the mend! Bulldogs can be difficult to walk. Our dog walker asked us to move from a harness to a collar or i wouldn't be worrying about pulling too tight etc! They sniff and lick everything! Other dogs pee etc...

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Bulldogsummer · 13/09/2025 12:42

Right now ,I'd just love a cuddle of a bulldog puppy
Better than any antidepressant

Original poster

Helplessandheartbroke · 13/09/2025 14:03

Bulldogsummer · 13/09/2025 12:42

Right now ,I'd just love a cuddle of a bulldog puppy
Better than any antidepressant

Agreed. Wish I could cuddle my boy. We take them for granted when they're here don't we.

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Bulldogsummer · 13/09/2025 14:17

Helplessandheartbroke · 13/09/2025 14:03

Agreed. Wish I could cuddle my boy. We take them for granted when they're here don't we.

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Yes ...long story alert ...
The dog I took in from a relative,the one who went in to hospital and didn't come out to collect the dog ..
That dog ..I didn't want him.
I resented him , because of who he belonged to ,a person who put the dog before me ,who ,I felt loved that dog more than me .
I was not happy on the long drive home with him in the car .
He wasn't happy either ,he was quiet in the car ,I remember us looking at each other in the car ..and probably thinking the same about each other .
Anyway,he came home ,the current dogs immediately accepted him,and the DC immediately accepted him..
And I don't really know how It happened
But within a month he was my dog ,my baby .
The relative, I had to put in a home near me ,and I tried taking the dog to visit her ,but he wouldn't go near her ,just suck to me .
We took him on so many holidays,he had never seen the sea ,but he loved it ,he went to Penzance and Scotland and many places in-between.
Sadly the relative had been very ill herself for some time and so hadn't noticed her dog was ill.
So very soon after getting him we got him to the vets for tests and he had a number of conditions..
So we only had him 2 and a bit years .
That was a year ago ..and it hurts my heart missing him .
It's so bizarre how much I felt for a dog I definitely didn't want

Original poster

Helplessandheartbroke · 14/09/2025 09:44

Bulldogsummer · 13/09/2025 14:17

Yes ...long story alert ...
The dog I took in from a relative,the one who went in to hospital and didn't come out to collect the dog ..
That dog ..I didn't want him.
I resented him , because of who he belonged to ,a person who put the dog before me ,who ,I felt loved that dog more than me .
I was not happy on the long drive home with him in the car .
He wasn't happy either ,he was quiet in the car ,I remember us looking at each other in the car ..and probably thinking the same about each other .
Anyway,he came home ,the current dogs immediately accepted him,and the DC immediately accepted him..
And I don't really know how It happened
But within a month he was my dog ,my baby .
The relative, I had to put in a home near me ,and I tried taking the dog to visit her ,but he wouldn't go near her ,just suck to me .
We took him on so many holidays,he had never seen the sea ,but he loved it ,he went to Penzance and Scotland and many places in-between.
Sadly the relative had been very ill herself for some time and so hadn't noticed her dog was ill.
So very soon after getting him we got him to the vets for tests and he had a number of conditions..
So we only had him 2 and a bit years .
That was a year ago ..and it hurts my heart missing him .
It's so bizarre how much I felt for a dog I definitely didn't want

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Awww what a lovely thing you did giving him an amazing 2 years! Sounds like he had a ball with you.

My heart still aches now and I can't just miss him I have to torture myself which is the worst part!

I had a few drinks last night and it always makes me feel worse the day after.

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Bulldogsummer · 14/09/2025 10:04

Hope today is better for you @Helplessandheartbroke

2in2022twoyearson · 14/09/2025 10:12

My dog was attacked when we were out for a walk with a newborn a few years ago by a neighbours dog who they had off lead to go from the car to the house. I hadn't thought about it until a few days agos when I saw that dog through a window on the sofa and your post. Dogs both need minimal vet treatment but the owner of the other dog got bitten by his dog as he was breaking up the fight and needed surgery to his arm. His dog is a huge crossbreed.

Anyway I'm feeling off today, my DH isn't well and we argued. I've been wanting to get couples councilling but he doesn't.

Original poster

Helplessandheartbroke · 14/09/2025 10:42

Bulldogsummer · 14/09/2025 10:04

Hope today is better for you @Helplessandheartbroke

It feels worse today. I think I need to go back on meds.

@2in2022twoyearson wow did the owner keep the dog then?

What's going on with dh? Anything you want to vent about?

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Bulldogsummer · 14/09/2025 12:21

2in2022twoyearson · 14/09/2025 10:12

My dog was attacked when we were out for a walk with a newborn a few years ago by a neighbours dog who they had off lead to go from the car to the house. I hadn't thought about it until a few days agos when I saw that dog through a window on the sofa and your post. Dogs both need minimal vet treatment but the owner of the other dog got bitten by his dog as he was breaking up the fight and needed surgery to his arm. His dog is a huge crossbreed.

Anyway I'm feeling off today, my DH isn't well and we argued. I've been wanting to get couples councilling but he doesn't.

Sorry to hear about both those things
In my experience men do not like counselling..and Im not convinced couple counselling is a good idea generally.
Have you thought about having counselling on your own

2in2022twoyearson · 14/09/2025 14:32

Yes, I think I will. My DH suggested the same. He has found looking after his physical self and having good routines has helped his mental health. He also started a councilling course and told me men often prefer action based therapies and women talking about feelings....I have a few avenues to look up councilling so I'll do that.

Bulldogsummer · 15/09/2025 13:59

2in2022twoyearson · 14/09/2025 14:32

Yes, I think I will. My DH suggested the same. He has found looking after his physical self and having good routines has helped his mental health. He also started a councilling course and told me men often prefer action based therapies and women talking about feelings....I have a few avenues to look up councilling so I'll do that.

I'm kind of with your husband
We tried couples counselling years and years ago ,it was a disaster..I got frustrated as only one third of the time was my turn to talk ,and I think the counsellor got completely the wrong ideas about us as a couple ..plus it was really difficult criticizing my DH in front of him ,so a lot I wanted to talk about ,I didn't feel I could bring it up .
So that's were my views come from.
I actually came back on this thread this morning to apologise to you ,as I felt I was to blunt saying couples counselling is not a good idea ...who am I to tell you what us a good idea for your marriage or not ..I'm sorry about that comment,I should of thought about what I was posting

2in2022twoyearson · 15/09/2025 14:41

Hi, no hard feelings, honestly! It's good to have another option, as sometimes my DH talks crap, I hate at the moment he's listening to right wing podcasts, he was deeply shocked by Charlies assassination, I hadn't heard of him, I don't watch news much, esspecaly American news. And I fully get where he's coming from, he's pushing back against the anti white male, toxic masculinity. He is being really good and wholesome and showing positive masculinity, but honestly, I was brought up in an well travelled family,m and his parents have never left, and disagree on a values level with his we should be proud to be British....I am not, maybe I'd feel better about myself.... anyway on the councilling side of things, good to know it's not just him.

I haven't booked councilling yet.

Original poster

Helplessandheartbroke · 15/09/2025 15:10

I had counselling for me but my dh would never entertain it either.

Not sure if anyone can relate to this but as well as blaming myself for my ddog im really suffering with ruminating on past mistakes. Even from when I was like 6 or 7! Does anyone else worry about past mistakes and if so what do you do about it?

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Bulldogsummer · 15/09/2025 15:24

I get that @Helplessandheartbroke .but I tell myself we can't even change what we did a second a go never mind yesterday

Original poster

Helplessandheartbroke · 15/09/2025 17:17

Bulldogsummer · 15/09/2025 15:24

I get that @Helplessandheartbroke .but I tell myself we can't even change what we did a second a go never mind yesterday

And it's very true and many people have probably made the exact same mistakes but why do only some of us worry so much...

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MsGoodenough · 16/09/2025 09:35

Helplessandheartbroke · 15/09/2025 15:10

I had counselling for me but my dh would never entertain it either.

Not sure if anyone can relate to this but as well as blaming myself for my ddog im really suffering with ruminating on past mistakes. Even from when I was like 6 or 7! Does anyone else worry about past mistakes and if so what do you do about it?

All the time! I am totally paralysed by them!