Would anyone like to join me on a self-help thread to get out of a rut and feel happier?

[Janni]

I am not happy. I know there are lots of things I could/should do to feel happier eg eat better, do more exercise, make an effort with friends, get out of the house more...but I'm in a rut and feel a bit defeated.

I had the idea of using this thread to post each day a few things we could each do to make ourselves feel better then report back,
encourage each other etc.

Any takers?

loads of things jus feel really boxed in sometmes i love my kids to bits its jus i dnt know who i am no moe and my dh is so selfish god the list goes on.......

Got to go now sonni, but LOADS of people on MN share those feelings, so you are not alone. G'night x

Hi, any room for one more? I came across this thread this morning whilst feeling really down, mostly about DS2, he is a very unconfident, quite immature child (12) and last night came to me and said 'i haven't got any friends at school, I wish I had, I would like a couple of friends'. We have been aware of this since he started High School, and I am just about to email his mentor to see if they can do anything in school to help him with his confidence, and to meet more kids from his year, etc.

I have been feeling for ages that I am 'swimming upstream'. DH is quite an agressive person lately, and we have been disagreeing a lot mostly over parenting style, but quite a lot about his inability to communicate/deal with emotional issues, etc. and his anger.

I have a friend coming round later - but she is going through a quite acrimonious divorce, so I will be the listening ear today if I can!!

XXMFXX

Hi mummyflood - that sounds like a lot to deal with. I have a nearly 12 year old and it's hard to know how much to intervene and how much to hope they sort things out. It's good that yours is telling you how things are. Hope things go OK with your friend today.

'Swimming upstream' is a good description!

Hi all..I'm a new member and my 3 are a little older now..it does get easier as they become more independent, but I found what really helped me(if you can) try and do things that are just for yourself..go out with friends, shopping(clothes of course)a weekend away,a new hobby,it really helps to make you feel better about yourself.

X

thanks, yummymummy, I would second that. My youngest is 3 and now she's settled in nursery I'm definitely feeling brighter. The lovely weather helps too!

Hiya

Mind if I join in? I have a 5 month old ds and I've been feeling really down/anxious/frsutrated (and jealous if I'm honest - jealous of anyone and everyone, a horrible feeling) for quite a while. I thought I could use this thread to try and list some of the things I think tackling will help (make me feel I've achieved something etc etc) and track my progress (or rather work as a nagging aid to make me get off my ass).

Just looking over other threads has really helped (i'm not alone feeling anxious/hating driving/feeling down despite loving my lovely ds to bits!). So I've already chatted to my GP (as yet undecided what to do next, not keen on ADs because I'm breast feeding, on the waiting list for counselling - but all in all it felt like a positive step). I also tackled some gardening yesterday, it didn't really give me any great sense of staisfaction to be honest, and I really thought it would, but I guess it's a start. I can't go back to my old job and money is a real issue which doesn't help. I'd love to be a SAHM but we can't afford it - I have been looking for a job for a while but so far, despite getting interviews, it's never worked out (not enough hours/can't get childcare etc etc which always feels like a right kick in the teeth).

I have a huge list of things I need/want to get done and i'm sure I'll feel a bit better if I feel more on top of things. At the moment I just get despondent and think there's so much, I can't do it all so why bother with anything. I've listed them in no order, then I'll try and prioritise and then slowley start trying to tick them off:

• Colour my hair
• Sort bedroom wardrobes and draws out
• Buy some new toiletries and start making an effort with myself
• Sort out lounge cupboard
• Sort out my finances
• sort out and tidy spare bedroom
• organise all our family admin
• put our photos into albumns
• Get DS's room ready for when we put him in there
• re-do my CV
• apply for the 2 jobs I've seen
• write to nursey confirming space
• get back in touch with friends (about 6 proper emails/phonecalls outstanding)
• With DP, sort out our garage so we can actually get into it
• Try and get some sort of routine with DS and housework etc (stop wasting days crying)
• Eat better - join a slimming club?
• Get some exercise (walk with DS in sling/swim/try the local exercise class? start running?? who knows, but I need to get fit)
• Finally get around to changing all my addresses over/get new D licence etc
• Finish the course I'm part way through
• Get out of the houe everyday even if it's just for a walk
• finish the gardening I started yesterday
• Try and be more assertive around my MIL
• stop making excuses when people suggest coffee/walks etc - i need to get out and I need to make friends!
• stop focusing on other people and what they have/how much better things are for them

I really can't be bothered to go out, despite the sun but I'm going to take ds for a walk. Noone else can dig me out of the hole I'm in, I have to do it myself and I have to start somewhere. Will have a look over my list when we get back. Sorry for the huge post.

Hiya

Mind if I join in? I have a 5 month old ds and I've been feeling really down/anxious/frsutrated (and jealous if I'm honest - jealous of anyone and everyone, a horrible feeling) for quite a while. I thought I could use this thread to try and list some of the things I think tackling will help (make me feel I've achieved something etc etc) and track my progress (or rather work as a nagging aid to make me get off my ass).

Just looking over other threads has really helped (i'm not alone feeling anxious/hating driving/feeling down despite loving my lovely ds to bits!). So I've already chatted to my GP (as yet undecided what to do next, not keen on ADs because I'm breast feeding, on the waiting list for counselling - but all in all it felt like a positive step). I also tackled some gardening yesterday, it didn't really give me any great sense of staisfaction to be honest, and I really thought it would, but I guess it's a start. I can't go back to my old job and money is a real issue which doesn't help. I'd love to be a SAHM but we can't afford it - I have been looking for a job for a while but so far, despite getting interviews, it's never worked out (not enough hours/can't get childcare etc etc which always feels like a right kick in the teeth).

I have a huge list of things I need/want to get done and i'm sure I'll feel a bit better if I feel more on top of things. At the moment I just get despondent and think there's so much, I can't do it all so why bother with anything. I've listed them in no order, then I'll try and prioritise and then slowley start trying to tick them off:

• Colour my hair
• Sort bedroom wardrobes and draws out
• Buy some new toiletries and start making an effort with myself
• Sort out lounge cupboard
• Sort out my finances
• sort out and tidy spare bedroom
• organise all our family admin
• put our photos into albumns
• Get DS's room ready for when we put him in there
• re-do my CV
• apply for the 2 jobs I've seen
• write to nursey confirming space
• get back in touch with friends (about 6 proper emails/phonecalls outstanding)
• With DP, sort out our garage so we can actually get into it
• Try and get some sort of routine with DS and housework etc (stop wasting days crying)
• Eat better - join a slimming club?
• Get some exercise (walk with DS in sling/swim/try the local exercise class? start running?? who knows, but I need to get fit)
• Finally get around to changing all my addresses over/get new D licence etc
• Finish the course I'm part way through
• Get out of the houe everyday even if it's just for a walk
• finish the gardening I started yesterday
• Try and be more assertive around my MIL
• stop making excuses when people suggest coffee/walks etc - i need to get out and I need to make friends!
• stop focusing on other people and what they have/how much better things are for them

I really can't be bothered to go out, despite the sun but I'm going to take ds for a walk. Noone else can dig me out of the hole I'm in, I have to do it myself and I have to start somewhere. Will have a look over my list when we get back. Sorry for the huge post.

Doh, posted my mammoth post twice. Walk was nice but I came up with about another 10 things to add to my list and I feel overwhelmed, frustrated and upset again.

Hi there.

Sounds like we're all in the same boat!

Sonni and Mummyflood Its sooo hard when support from DJs is not forth coming. Sometimes my DH is fantastic and sometimes he's not. I think he struggles with the tedium of young children. I try to accept this, not take it personnally and make the most of his good moods/skills.

ladypops you sound like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place! Frustration is behind most of my moodiness and I guess acceptance is the key (I get frustrated at my ability to acceot things though LOL).

janni my youngest is 3 too and there is light at the end of the tunnel LOL.

Thank goodness someone posted this thread...

I know that compared to some people I haven't got a lot on my plate, but I can feel myself getting more depressed by the day.

At the moment it seems I do nothing but clean round the fecking highchair and try to get DS to eat and he does nothing but whinge at me and refuse to eat, occasionally throwing the odd mournful "Daddy" at me. I am surrounded by a seemingly insurmountable pile of laundry, piles of newspapers to go in the recycling etc etc. Still not caught up on my sleep (DS didn't sleep through until 12 months, DH never helped with nights or mornings) and feel like I am slowly being squeezed into a smaller and smaller space.

I has a meltdown yesterday or the day before when DH was here on the Bank Holiday and priotised his 5-a-side and his gym visit, at one point telling me he was taking DS to the swings, and lucky me, I could have a tidy up while they were out.

In fact you know what I am not even going to start because it will just turn into a monumental whinge.

I will read through the thread properly and see if anyone has some good tips.

First tip to myself, try to get some sleep. When you are tired it make everything seem so much more unmanageable.

Hi Columbo.
We all know how you feel.
Try not to worry about the eating. DS literally lived off thin air (or biscuits) until he was about 4. I gave up trying and decided that as long as he was fit and healthy he'd be fine. Now at nearly 5 he eats well.

Definately agree to prioritorise sleep though I have had very few undisturbed nights in nearly 5 yrs! I cope by bringing DD into my bed so at least we get some sleep.

Hiya

Scattyspice - I know, I just know if I could get motivated I could start getting on top of things and feeling better. But I just can't find the motivation

Columbo I know just how you feel. My DP is pretty good most of the time but the mountains of things that need doing just don't bother him. We're starting to wean ds next week and I don't know how I'm gunna manage with all the extra work, I can barely keep my head above water as it is. DP is fecking around with stupid boy toy things at the moment and I could scream at him.

Columbo - you express it so well! The monumental frustration at how small your life can become when you're looking after a little person day after day.

Hi everyone. Hope it's a good day today for us all, the sun is shining again!

Just taken dog for a run...and he behaved for once so for once I have not started the day all uptight like I do a lot of the time.

DH actually reminded the kids this morning how much I do 'whilst they are all slobbing around'....wahey, the day really did start off better!!

Never got that email sent to school yesterday...started feeling a bit like I would be seen as a pain, whinger, neurotic Mum, everyone in the Office would read it, etc. However, I am very concerned about DS2 so I will bite the bullet and send it soon.
My friend ended the day more upbeat about her divorce - spoken to another solicitor in the practise who gave her what sounds like much better advice about the unreasonable behaviour of her a..e of an ex etc, so I was pleased for her.

Best wishes
XXMFXX

Hi folks. Gorgeous day here so I am going to try and be positive from the start! Have got a couple of errands to run and then I'll try and cross something else off my mammoth list - looks a bit like yours Ladypops!

Mummyflood - sorry your son is having a hard time. I think raising the issue with the school is a good idea - is there any possibility you can speak with someone in person? Even if it's on the phone - that way you don't have to worry about other people reading e-mails etc.

Hope everyone's day goes OK....

me too. everybody go and drink a glass of water now! that will contribute to the recommended 2 litres. I vow to start this everyday and NEVER do even a quarter of it.

Hi all. Isn't it nice to see we're all feeling much better with the lovely weather? Amazing how the sun makes such a difference to how we feel?!

Well I've been out and take the dog for a walk, walked the kids to school, done a shop, put it all away...even managed to scrub the fridge (yeuckety yeuck...why do kids trash the fridge when the want a yoghurt?) and now I'm off out again to pick up dd2 from nursery to then spend a relaxing couple of hours in the garden with her before I go back out to pick up dd1 from school! I plan to cut the grass this afternoon and no doubt dd2, who is only 4yrs old, will want to help!

mummyflood - I had a similar problem with DD1 - she'd cry herself to sleep because she had no friends etc. I decided to be a fly on the wall and sneak up to the school during lunchbreak and watch the playground from a distance....and she was running around, happy with her friends. However I did still mention to her teacher that she wasn't happy and he was excellent about it and made sure she had a 'buddy' in class - someone she could talk to/help in lessons etc and someone to have lunch with etc. The whole school runs a 'buddy' system and if any child does feel left out they have a buddy appointed to them and it normally helps boost their confidence etc. x

Can I join in too? Is it too late?

I am also in a rut. There are so many things I need/want to do but I don't know where to start and end up achieving nothing. House and garden are a mess, I never do half the things with the children that I want to do and I waste too much time. I could do with losing weight (understatment) but despite being on a weight loss thread for 2 months I have achieved nothing on that score.

DS2 is off to school in September and I need to work out what I am going to do with my time but, despite studying with the OU, I still can't settle on a direction and again, this leads to total paralysis and me doing the same things day in day out with no plan.

I know I need to take small steps and just start with one thing at a time but what thing do I start with!

Arghh - pathetic I know.

On top of that PIL are coming to stay at the weekend and I need to tidy up but am now running out of time so I know we will have a horrible day on Saturday whilst I run round like a headless chicken hiding the crap and shouting at everybody!

Just put 3 things on your to do list. Don't add any more until you've either done them, delegated them (chance would be a fine thing eh?) or decided they aren't necessary (I keep doing this with the hoovering LOL).

Thats my tip of the day .

Cosima, interesting you should mention the water - yesterday I did manage it and I felt so much better because of it, less ratty and tired, lighter and more energetic.

Niecie, sympathies for the pre PIL visit, I
know the feeling completely.

Hope everyone has a good day today, you're all right about the sun - I got up and out early today and it made such a difference, the fresh air, the dapple under the trees etc.

In fact, so much so that for a minute I had a moment of clarity and was thinking, "You know what? It just doesn't matter if the house is taking ages to sort out, who cares? I'll get there. It's no big deal." Which is pretty amazing because most of the time it is such a big deal and I feel so miserable about it.

hi ladies, not been on in a few days.

I had been doing really well. Much more positive. Spending good quality time with dc. Sorting out work and a few bits around the house. But yesterday brought some news, nothing too major really, but it made me really down for all of yesterday. Basically whilst I work i have family childcare but they can no longer do it. So I have to find alternative childcare which i could really do without.

Anyway, i hope to get things sorted asap because basically atm they will have dc but not for too much longer

I just find one little thing gets blown out of all proportion atm I just want everything to stay the same. Maybe it's the thought of dd starting school in Jan and nothing being the same? Anyway it will all sort itself out but i coudl do without it. actually it might be better once it's sorted as rather than working 3 pms i'll do one full day and then hours from home. Which suits me better since I don't like doing 3 pms. I find i'm there a lot but not for long so don't get so much done IYSWIM. Mind you this is all assuming my boss goes for the changes in hours, which i hope he will.

Sorry for rambling on, can you tell i'm preoccupied

Hope everyone is well

Not a good day today. I think I don't know how to be happy.

I feel awful for DH because it's his 40th birthday. We'd planned to go for a nice lunch together while DD was at nursery, but she contracted conjunctivitis yesterday and most of the day has been taken up with looking after her as she's really whingy and doesn't want drops in her eyes!

So DH has gone out with the older two boys and I'm going to try to get her to have an early night, then tackle the housework which is really piling up because I'm the only one who seems to see it.

Sorry, feeling sorry for myself today

Oh Janni.....(((((((hug))))))

What a rotten day you've had. Conjunctivitus too. Thats horrible isn't it? Especially with your LO. My youngest had it a year or so ago - she flatly refused the drops so I just kept them bathed with cold water.

Men are blind to housework. I'm sure my DH thinks the little elves come out during the night and tidy up. I've often told him if it weren't for me this place would be a dump and don't take me for granted etc etc. It takes me for me to be ill in bed for him to realise just how much I do in this house/with the kids etc.

Anyway hope you have a peaceful evening Janni. xxxxxx

Thank you, whispy, that helps. The thing is I'm really insisting with the drops, because DD has lots of other health problems and the last thing we need is raging conjuncitivitis going round the family!! But I'm having to be really firm with her and she HATES it, it's hard.

Anyway nearly her bedtime!