Would anyone like to join me on a self-help thread to get out of a rut and feel happier?

[Janni]

I am not happy. I know there are lots of things I could/should do to feel happier eg eat better, do more exercise, make an effort with friends, get out of the house more...but I'm in a rut and feel a bit defeated.

I had the idea of using this thread to post each day a few things we could each do to make ourselves feel better then report back,
encourage each other etc.

Any takers?

I made 2 of the calls - feel really great. Made an arrangement to meet a friend for a coffee and made another plan for half term with a friend and her children. Feel very productive!

Good for you Frankie.

well am knackered. ds kicked off again and has been aruging with every instruction/commnet i've made since school pick-up [huge sigh and reach for bottle of wine] younger LO meanwhile has the runs, is teething and has been screaming his head of for mjuch of the day. This combined with having to hear about other people's social arrangements going on over my head in the corridor (and these people have been wined and dined by us )has made me feel pissed off, slighted and still in need of proper local friends. I'm v disappointed Ihaven't made any close ones after nearly 2 yrs, have a couple of close friends further afield but I need to be able to be honest/offload every now and then to someone donw the road, and it aint happening
Sorry, complete hijack, not doing well on a self-help contribuiton, am I? [self-pityning emotion]

I'm obviously giving out massively -ve vibes, however hard I try to keep cheery out of the house. Anyone else find this too?

Misschief. I don't really have close friends (that i can really off load to). I think when you have husband / children it is difficult to find the space for anyone else. I don't think it is that unusual. (Also dh is an unsociable bugger and doesn't really do dinner parties etc).

Tis a shame though.

Right DCs dispatched. I'm going in the bath.

Frankie - that's brilliant, well done.

Misschief - it's hard to think beyond the next five minutes when your kids are playing up.

I know what you mean about negative vibes. I've been keeping myself to myself even though there's one local mum who goes out of her way to be friendly to me. After school today she asked what I was doing - I had to go home as my older DS was on his way but I made a firm arrangement to have a cuppa with her next week.

scattyspice, don't know how old you DD is, but there was an interesting article in the Mail at the weekend about a mum who had problems with her DC sleeping. I think she said she hadn't slept through for 5 years & when she cracked the problems, how much better she felt.

I'll see if the article is on-line - a good nights sleep really is essential.

Hello, this is my first time on MN but felt the thread really reflected the way I feel at the moment, so hope it's OK to join....

Mornin all.

mojo I read that at my MILs house! It was interesting and I pretty much agree with it (I have had very few nights sleep in nearly 5yrs as both DCs have been poor sleepers for various reasons). The article was partly why I've been trying to tackle it, but I find we get much less sleep when we try to keep her in her own bed and I just don't have the staminer to do this for more than a week (dd gets really knackered as well). However, having decided to give up for a while, bless her she slept right through last night!

Hi mutton!

Today i feel happy as:
Had some sleep.
Was wedding aniv yesterday (9 happy years)and we're going out tonight.

hi can i join in pleasei am a regular but have changed names as don't want anyone in rl reading this.

I am totally fed up most of the time. I have 2 dc and find the eldest dd(4) demanding, but i know she is a really really good child. I know it's my problem not hers.

I think for me sleep and eating is a major issue. Probably exercise too if i'm honest.

I need a good shake and slap to get me back on track.

So today my pledge is to eat better(not hard compared to the last few weeks) and to get to bed early.

I've also lost interest in myslef, as in making me look nice. So i'm going off for a shower right now to get my greasy mop looking better and then i'm going to put on some make up and nice clothes.

I think i've become preoccupied making sure everyone else is ok and have forgotten myself. also we moved house 2 years ago and ds was born last year so things have been pretty hectic since the house was a mess and needed loads doing to it.

This morning dd woke me up before 6. again. and i ended up crying dh's answer? go back to work fulltime that is not going to help i don't think.

Sorry for the ramble, just needed to get it written down. Am off to the shower

Hello everyone. Am going to try and tackle some of the ex ideas suggested so far, sometimes just struggle to find the motivation to actually get going.

Congrats on your anniv scattyspice, 9 years is impressive!

Hi pinkypurple - your post makes perfect sense to me. Good luck with starting to make a change today.

When I was at the shops yesterday (a rare occurrence) and looking in their harshly lit mirrors, I realised how completely washed out I look. I rarely bother with makeup, but really, it takes less than one minute to put on some eye shadow and lipstick and that would make a big difference on me. Also, things like polishing my shoes - just the little things that make it look like I've put a tiny bit of effort into how I look.

I ate breakfast early, today. Usually I wait till much later and that probably affects my mood. I've also already been out with DD and to take DS to school rather than letting DH take him and then staying indoors till midday - not good.

I've realised it's all about small steps which add up.

Today I will:

1. wear makeup 2)make a list of hotspots that need tidying and drag my energy down. I will tackle one each day 3)sort out our bedroom. I pay it absolutely no attention, which I think sends a message to myself and DH about how our relationship is the lowest of my priorities - not good.

How's everyone else doing today?

Hi girls.

pinky toddler and baby is hard work, as someone on another thread wisely said - they use you up! Its getting easier for me now my youngest is 3 and my 4 yo (5 in July) has recently become much more grown up and reasonable (now a pleasure to be with, not a challenge!) So hang on in there. I don't think going back to work is the answer. i work PT (in a job which i love and is very flexible around school) but work is often an extra source of stress (too many demands, am i up to it etc) and if you have difficulties working around school it is a nightmare.

mutton thank you. DH and I need to make more time for each other, we are like ships that pass in the night.

janni you are so right. A glance in a mirror can really deflate your mood (I find LOL). My trick is to use self tan moisturiser every few days on my face. Cuts back on make up and I look less washed up.

hi ladies, thanks for the welcome and empathy. i had my shower and put make up on. I feel so much more human with make up on.

I know this is a hard phase as dd is 4 and ds is 1 so it's pretty busy all the time. I also work 3 afternoons a week, which isn't ideal as before ds i did 2 whole days which suited me better. but childcare dictates it has to be this way. I don't get a choice whether to work or not, i have to or else we can't afford to pay the bills.

I am trying my hardest not to be too hard on dd today,and so far it's gone ok(bar first thing) i am pretty tired now though so an early night is a must.

Definately agree that it's small steps to where you want to be. My mind set atm is that i can't do it all now so I just don't do anything. But that's really not the answer as nothing ever gets done. So I have been trying to get things sorted little by little. I started at the weekend. I sorted things and put them on freecyle as my house is full of childrens clothes which don't fit dd/ds anymore. It feels better but there's still more to be got rid of. Someones coming tomorrow to collect toys so I'll be sorting them out today. Another thing off the list.

I think i may have pnd as i have been feeling this way for quite some time. I go through phases though and am not sure what to do about it. I know that I am down and angry and unhappy, but next week i'll feel better and think it was just one of those weeks.

Hope you don't mind me waffling on but i think talking to people who understand might help

Pinky I totally understand the bit about not being able to do it all now, so not doing anything..... I'll try and take the advice to hit the tasks bit by bit.

I have felt down for a long while, and I too don't quite know what to do to about it - and more often than not I find myself getting cross with ds (4) for things that aren't his fault at all.

please can I join in too? I had PND after DD2 was born but have been free of it for last year. However, still get very down at times and I am really trying to get myself out of this. I feel that very similar things will help me...e.g taking a bit more care with appearance and diet. Having a little bit of 'me' time too, rarely happens though. I feel really bad today though as I really lost my temper with DD1 this morning and ended up taking her to school in floods of tears...ever since I haven't been able to stop thinking about it and just feel I really need to re find my inner patience and calm and make home a happy place to be once more.

I tend to take things out on the kids (or dh), then feel guilty. I try to analyse how I'm feeling and take steps rather than let it build up (half the time I'm tetchy cause I'm hungry or worried about money etc).

I also tend to be a bit of a perfectionist so if I do something I like to do it well, take my time and not be interupted (all impossible with kids about!). I read somewhere that women (mothers) get good at doing things quickly and having several tasks on the go at once (ie start something then come back to it if you're interupted). I'm trying to get used to doing this.

Back on Tues. Hope the Weekend goes well.

Evening all. I'm glad this thread is helpful. It just occurred to me that people tend to post a specific problem, get lots of advice, but no 'follow-up'. With depression/low mood it's got to be little by little and we'll have good days and bad days. My day was MUCH better today, but come the evening and knowing that DH was out for the night I really lost my cool with the children and just feel bad about it. Sometimes I feel desperate, like this is the hardest job in the world and nobody sees it!

Anyway they're finally all in bed.

Hi. What a great thread & just what I need. Mind if I join you?

Been on AD's long-term and trying to come off them. Woke up one day a few weeks ago and realised that all that tiredness and periods of inactivity had made me put Soooooooo much weight on. I've joined one of the well known fat clubs (the ones that exercise too)and made a start. Actually enjoying it too once I get there.

Had a very low morning and tempted to veg out on the sofa again. Eventually forced myself into the housework and some gardening as it was actually a nice sunny day and feel very much better now.

Anyone fancy a long walk tomorrow rain or shine?

Hi ladies. Have managed to get some of those boring house chores done this morning and have arranged to see a friend after school this arvo. Even got ds to school without TOO many cross words! So all that feels quite good.

Am going now to make a list of all those jobs that have been building up over the past weeks/months(years?), so I can (hopefully) start to gradually cross them off. I know it'll take a bit more than this to remove my general miserable-ness but it's a start!

How's everyone else doing today? Have you been for your walk Tallulah?

Hi Tallulah! I am going to tackle jobs round the house while DD is at nursery but may, just may, go for a walk when DH gets in from work. I KNOW it would be good for me!

Muttonbird - well done for making a start and for breaking things down so it's a bit more manageable.

I am feeling much brighter today, for some reason. I think maybe it's because I feel I'm doing something to make myself feel better. I played the piano this morning for the first time in ages and DD quite enjoyed asking me to play things for her too; I hardly ever do things for the sheer pleasure of doing them, so no wonder I've been feeling washed out.

Am off to take DD to nursery.

Back this evening as PC is playing up and needs a rest!

Hope everyone is OK xx

Feeling pretty ok today. Went to hairdresser and look a lot better. Also booked some tickets for us to all go to a concert. And a boy who DS1 has liked for ages but who didn't seem interested has just asked my DS to play at his house. So it seems that it takes these types of small things to make me feel happier.

I have started to go out for a walk once a week with a friend as I don't have the incentive to do it on my own.

But I'm am still so lazy when it comes to making arrangements and returning phone calls.... and I desperately need to do my CV and look for a new job but I just can't face it.

hi ladies, it truely is lovely to know that I am not alone. I was starting to feel I was

I have been doing little things as I can and also stopping to play with dc which I tend not to do because i'm doing a job and just shout no i'm doing xyz at dd which isn't what i should do. So i have decided that unless i am doing something i need to do(this morning i was washing up so told her she had to wait) they have to learn to wait but i was probably saying no 99% of the time which is just wrong.

Positives from yesterday, I tider and sorted dd's room and 2 bin bags full of toys(mainly teddies never touched) have been given to a freecycler so I feel good about that I also tidied the kitchen and did loads of washing(not that it looks like it now) which is positive. I have no excuses as dd is at preschool each am and ds sleeps most of the time she's there i just use that time to veg/watch crap telly/eat biscuits, then when dd comes home i'm forever saying no to her wants as i'm doing chores so i need to do chores whilst she's out IYSWIM. I've been resting far more than i should taking the baby is sleeping so you sleep/rest too far since ds has slept through for a long while

sorry waffling again

I really hope you are all having a good day

hello everyone,
My day hasn't been too bad despite a stinking headache. I have eaten healthy ish and have been for two long walks. I have also enquired about joining a gym and go tommorrow for a free trial. Haven't shouted at the kids and DD1 got a special certificate for trying hard at school recently. So today has been pretty good. Must get their teas organised now though.

Hello all

Mind if I join you? First time posting on this site. Would like to join you as I have had depression for many years but am going through a particuarly bad patch for the past 4 months and feel that a lot of it is due to my DS (2) and being a full time mum.

Have been at home preety much full time for 6 years now and am starting to find it really boring. Am desperate to get back to work but finr that after paying childcare costs and petrol I wouldn't earn much. Does anyone else feel like this?

DS2 has always been very demanding too and I find that really hard to deal with. He's better out of the house but we don't have much money to take hime out. I go to toddler group and see my best friend, do the food shop and generally find as many cheap things to do as possible. It's starting to wear thin though after 4 years of being at home/doing cheap stuff!!

The struggles with bringing up a young family has also affected my husbands and my relationship too. It's a lot of pressure on us.

Over the last few months I have found it really hard to get motivated too as pinky explained. I have put on weight, sleep too much and do my jobs while the kids are around instead of while ds has a nap or goes to nursery. I need to get out more for a walk to the park or library but can't be bothered either so I know where you're coming from.

Promise to be more positive in future but that is an overview of where I am right now. My goal: to get out of the house more an start going for walks into town/park/library etc - will help with my rapidly growing muffin top!