A thread for those of us who just want to tell each other things about our day

[LikeMyHeartIsAboutToStopBeating]

Prompted by a discussion on another thread, this is a safe and supportive place to share those small and inconsequential things you'd probably tell your partner but aren't big enough to warrant calling your friend, starting a new thread here or discussing with your therapist. It's for those of us who don't have someone we can talk to in that way - maybe we are newly (or long term) single, we have a partner who isn't willing or able to have those conversations, we have teenage children who grunt but aren't that interested, or we just want to hang out here.

No rules, apart from be nice. Nothing too small to share if sharing will make you feel more connected to people or you just want somewhere to offload about small problems/share something funny/have a "would you believe it" anecdote. I can't guarantee to be here all the time but will try and make a habit of checking in.

I'll start by saying that I went to Screwfix to pick up a plunger because the toilet keeps blocking (my life is whatever is the opposite of glamorous) and there was a couple there trying to buy something but struggling because they didn't speak great English. The guy behind the counter asked them where they were from (he had a proper Cockney accent) and when they said France, he started speaking French to them. Not the best French (my mother is French, I'm not fluent but I know enough to distinguish good French from bad) but enough to help them figure out what they needed. Then the woman on the next still said (in French) that she did French at school and wished she still remembered more of it, and I said it was funny to hear people speaking French in a Screwfix in East London, and suddenly the world felt like a very friendly place. I came home with a new tape measure but realised I didn't ever get round to buying the plunger, so I will have to go back tomorrow.

@Georgelassosthemoon weird isn’t it? I’ve got everything I ever wanted yet I feel so out of sorts. I think it’s because I’m neither here nor there, I retired but set up a freelance business which is going ok but tbh I’m a bit bored, but can’t say anything because it wax supposed to be my dream etc etc!

anyway the library sounds fantastic and you’d get the interaction and community there, and enjoy your coffee.

I’ve just taken the dog on the beach and stopped for a cappuccino and it was nice

@Georgelassosthemoon you're right it's absolutely my anxiety causing it. I'm the same with hairdressers, the only one I'm okay with is nails because it's my friend I go to for those. I managed to get through the appointment but shaking like a leaf, then worry I look a fool!

Going to have my long bath now and try to relax, will take the kids to the park later and to feed the ducks.

After a worrying few weeks, husband in and out of hospital, myself, awaitingresults of a ct after a 7 month wait (“urgent”), we’re taking a 2 1/2 hour scenic drive today to have late lunch at the best fish and chip shop in Scotland. We’ll eat it in the car, as befits boomers (though not out of Tupperware watching the sea, the gulls and the ferries 😁

@OldJohn I hope your wife is improved today and they've diagnosed exactly what's wrong with her. I'm sure you'll be grateful you got those jobs round the house done when she comes home.

@Nogodsnomasters Ha! I had just got to sleep when you woke up at 5am then - was very tired after very long week at work and I think I was overtired and in overdrive. My anxiety is coming and going, little bursts of adrenalin into my stomach all day off and on. It's so tiring. I'm off out for a walk/cafe for a couple of hours then going to shop to make something healthy for tea. Might treat myself to M&S posh fruit.

@Queeezy Did you have a plan when you retired? I think you are allowed to find your 'dream' freelance business isn't for you! It's your life! My friend did a freelance role for three years after retirement but just thought it was ruining the positives of retirement in the end so stopped.

Hi I wasn’t ready to retire but had such a shit time latterly at work, dh said fuckit just leave, we will manage! So I just jacked it in with no plan other than to have the summer off. Then I started to feel a bit bored and a bit scared we wouldn’t manage, hence the freelance setup.

I think I will just do this till dh retires in 2 years then we can do it properly together and it won’t feel so weird.

this is really helping, thank you x

Hope they tasted as good as they sound

@madroid what did you end up cooking for dinner? Your afternoon sounds lovely, did your anxiety settle?

@madroid Thanks. It is so good to have the support of a stranger. A stranger is actually a friend who you have not yet met
There are times when I think they write us off as old and feeble. I am younger than my wife, when she was well, I used to remind her that I am her toy boy. I am 3 weeks younger than her (we are both 77). I've said a few times to the staff in the hospital that we are the same age as I help them lift her onto her bed or the toilet. I wish they could come up with a diagnosis and fix it.
Writing this helps.
I've been to the hospital twice today and this evening came how and sanded the dining table that sounds grand, but it is a cheap Ikea table. I will get varnish and make it look good for when she gets home.
Thanks to all for reading this.

@OldJohn it must be very frustrating waiting for a diagnosis. Sanding the table down sounds very wholesome. Is there a favourite meal you and your wife like to cook/eat?

@NewspaperChips I'm not sure about a favourite meal but about a year or more ago I bought a donut maker and made some donuts. Since then we have had a donut each every morning untill this past week. It was a silly wee thing but it was fun.

@OldJohn donuts are never silly! That sounds like a lovely little tradition and I hope it’s one you can resume soonest.

@OldJohn I hope you’ll be making doughnuts again very soon. What a lovely tradition.

@OldJohn definitely agree a stranger is just a friend you haven't met with yet. Doing stuff round the house always gives me a lift - reminds me that I'm not just my feelings and actually I can do stuff at home (I'm the boss at work and very capable there). However I have just been out and planted a sycamore tree on the grass verge outside my house. I planted one a couple of years ago and the council came to cut the grass and mowed down the tree! So I bought three big stones and have put them round my tree. Hopefully they'll stay there and protect it and it will survive. It feels a bit symbolic to plant something that I hope will thrive and outlive me. Planting it has given me a bit of a lift.

@Nogodsnomasters Yes I had a very nice walk thanks, but was so tired when I got back I could barely see straight. But at least it made me sleep. I had a stir fry with noodles and lots of veg for tea and some stewed apple. Still got the anxiety, but trying to remember the box breathing. I might try some yoga off you tube after work tomorrow as my shoulders feel very tensed up.

@Queezy - love the fuckit thinking! Particularly re work. You'll be able to ease your dh into retirement when it's his time - you'll be the expert!

It’s now 3.5 weeks since my last antidepressant after a 12 month wean. This week I feel more mentally ill than I ever felt. I’ve had suicidal thoughts, I’ve been ready to fight anyone and crying all the time. It’s very difficult to get information on whether this is temporary or have I wasted a lot of time and money getting off them. Is this all the suppressed feelings from 18 years in medication. Is this all that emotion coming out but all mixed up. I feel totally consumed by my mental state. If anyone has any advice or information I’d be grateful for it

What was today like? Most Wednesday mornings I go to church and do repairs to the building. There are usually 4 or 5 of us working together, some are more skilled than others.
After that I went to a local shop and bought a nice comfortable chair for my wife as she might get home from hospital next week.
I then went to visit her and was in her room when the doctor visited, and all seems to be progressing well. My wife can almost walk with her Zimmer without anyone helping her, I think once she can manage that she will get to come home with regular carer visits. I told her I wanted carers to come every morning at 07:30 to get her up, showered and dressed, she was not happy.
I’m pleased that there is progress for her.
I was reasonably pleased when I walked up the stairs to her ward, at the sixth floor I started to regret my idea but I persevered and made it to the eight floor.

This is a lovely thread. Really nice of you OP to help those people.

I have issues with going out far, but had to do an essential trip locally. I saw an elderly man struggling and asked him if he needed help. He graciously accepted, so I carried his bags to the main road, flagged him down a taxi and just about managed to get her him into the taxi. Driver was unhelpful and the bloke was about 6'2, so I had to kind of manoeuvre him to it on his knees then coach him into getting into the seat. But he was in!

I know what it's like when your mobility is failing, you're using a stick but probably need a wheeled walking frame. My mum took ages to realise it would revolutionise her mobility.

Hope everyone else is having a good day.
Also I thought I'd really badly injured my foot the other day but it was just a bruise that's clearing up really well. 😊

Much love to you all x

If you feel suicidal and really low I would say you need to reach out to someone, whether that's the Samaritans or your GP. It may be the case that you need the anti depressants but I wouldn't call it a waste - there was only one way to find out for sure and you were brave enough to take the risk and give it a shot. If you need to go back on them it's certainly not a failure.

@Nools24 plesse go and see your GP. This is a very difficult time of year to come off antidepressants. The days are short, it’s feels like bed time so early and it’s hard to get out and do things that normally help.
My doctor told me he has a small dose of setraline every day, it helps him keep steady, many people are like this, me too. I would like to not take my meds but the only time I don’t think I need them, is on holiday when I can really relax.
please be kind to yourself, you need help.

Thank you both for your replies. I emailed the herbalist who has assisted me in the wean. She is certainly not in a hurry to respond. I’m still reluctant to go to the GP because somehow I have in my mind it will take 3 months to settle down to not having the tablets. The particular tablet Effexor is an absolute nightmare to come off and if I have to go back I will avoid using that particular one. I am very touched and grateful for the care in your responses NeedANewOne25 and Nogodsnomasters

Yes a new medication may be the way to go for you! If the strong negative emotions continue though I would not wait 3 months, maybe the GP can offer some counselling in the mean time to get you to the 3 months mark and if no change after then then review the situation with your GP again? I know how hard it is to make these decisions worrying about making the wrong move and making things worse for yourself when you can barely cope with how it already is - I've been there.

Today I feel calmer than I did a few days ago. I have to go out later in and that will be the real test, dealing with people. Today I feel like I can manage to keep on without tablets but I have to say the GP was the worse let down in All of this. I felt that the GP just didn’t think it was a good idea and had no advice for me just go back I. The tablets. I know Valium here and there would have been a big help but I wasn’t offered it and was afraid to ask for some because I reckon they would say no. The GP from the practice said she would support me but has been on maternity leave throughout the whole process. Right now it’s about staying calm and keeping my mouth shut no matter what.

Queeezy · 02/11/2024 14:39

MrsSkylerWhite · 02/11/2024 12:14
After a worrying few weeks, husband in and out of hospital, myself, awaitingresults of a ct after a 7 month wait (“urgent”), we’re taking a 2 1/2 hour scenic drive today to have late lunch at the best fish and chip shop in Scotland. We’ll eat it in the car, as befits boomers (though not out of Tupperware watching the sea, the gulls and the ferries 😁

Hope they tasted as good as they sound

They did! The most perfect chips, like little roast potatoes, crispy on the outside and fluffy in the middle. The fish, just perfect, on that turning point.

May have to move there 😁

I’m really not a taking photos of food person but yum!

That looks so good, @MrsSkylerWhite . That reminds me that we never have fish and chips because DD doesn't like it. But she's at university so I may suggest it to the others this weekend.

I'm so sorry to those struggling with health issues. I am wondering whether I need to speak to a GP about depression. I feel very flat and uninterested in things generally after a really difficult emotional period over the summer. But I am also aware that there are lots of good self-care options that I can try first which do make me feel better/different - it's just a case of summoning up the energy for them. It's having a real impact on my work, where I really just can't be bothered - luckily I have a job where I can take my foot off the pedal a little from time to time, as I've got a good team and a lot of credit in the management bank, but it doesn't make me feel good, particularly as I do enjoy my work and think it's somewhat important and meaningful.

I'm going to volunteer at Parkrun tomorrow and then plan to drag myself to the gym after that. And then possibly curl up in bed with a book and even have an afternoon nap as sleep has been elusive recently.