Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

I let my soulmate go 10 years ago and I can’t move on

297 replies

Lifeinblackandwhite · 12/04/2024 06:59

Just that.

It’s eating me up and I don’t know what to do. I was younger and foolish back then and didn’t realise how good I had it.
He was literally the love of my life.

I tried reaching out to him two years ago and he did respond via email, letting me know how he was doing. But that’s the only contact we’ve had in almost 10 years.

We were together for 6 years and were looking at houses together when we separated.
Partly it was down to me having cold feet/getting bored, which I’m so ashamed of now.

I’ve even still got some of his family on my Facebook.

I don’t know how to move past this. I’ve had relationships since (and before) and none have been anywhere close to the happiness and bond I felt with him.

I am so lost and I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
HTruffle · 12/04/2024 07:05

Has he settled down since?

MFF2010 · 12/04/2024 07:07

Do you know what his current situation is? Is he married, single, nearby, kids? We need some more details to help 💐

Bluesky91 · 12/04/2024 07:11

why suddenly after 10years ? What changed?

Velvian · 12/04/2024 07:12

I don't think there is any such thing as soulmates @Lifeinblackandwhite . Are there other factors in your life that might be making you fixate on this idea?

You have to let go of it. No good will come of it and it will stop you moving forward in your life. I bet that there were good reasons for you calling time on the relationship before.

RandomMess · 12/04/2024 07:15

He won't be the same anymore and neither are you!

Bookworm1111 · 12/04/2024 07:17

What’s triggered this? Don’t you think you’d get bored again with him?

cuckyplunt · 12/04/2024 07:18

Either he’s married/ in a relationship, in which case you’ll just have to get over this. If he’s single, contact him and ask to meet for lunch, just to catch up and see how it goes.
You mind find that one meeting is enough to remind you why you split up. You might find he’s not interested, be prepared for anything, but if he’s single what do you have to lose.

savoycabbage · 12/04/2024 07:19

Partly it was down to cold feet and boredom so what was the other reason?

Username947531 · 12/04/2024 07:19

If he was your soul mate you wouldn't have got bored and left him. You've turned this into something it wasn't. Remove his family from FB, stop dreaming, cut any ties and move on. Maybe get some counselling to understand why you've created this fantasy.

Original poster
Lifeinblackandwhite · 12/04/2024 07:24

I don’t know if he’s got a partner now, but at the time of him replying to my email in 2022 he did have.
No kids and not married then. Of course in two years that could have changed.

OP posts:
yeahandno · 12/04/2024 07:24

People can change so much in 10 years - it might not even be the same man, or the man you think you know, that you're obsessing over.

I briefly dated someone I'd had a relationship with years ago and it turned out to be the fantasy of what could have been, not who we were right now.

Easier said than done, but you need to move on, you're sabotaging your own happiness Flowers

MushMonster · 12/04/2024 07:25

Soulmate....
He was a good match for you. But you were not ready or the fit between the two of you is missing something, so you got bored.
If you were a really good match, you would have not call it quits. You would have fought to keep it alive.
Have you been dating other people?

MushMonster · 12/04/2024 07:26

Lifeinblackandwhite · 12/04/2024 07:24

I don’t know if he’s got a partner now, but at the time of him replying to my email in 2022 he did have.
No kids and not married then. Of course in two years that could have changed.

But, he moved on.
Leave him alone and sort your life.

User364837 · 12/04/2024 07:27

There’s a strong chance you’re idealising him and the relationship

ViciousCurrentBun · 12/04/2024 07:28

As he had no ties if he had still been interested then you would have carried on chatting.

Is it more that you are single and panicking and have had some negative dating experiences. How long did you date him for ?

QualityDog · 12/04/2024 07:28

I suppose ten years ago you weren't at the looking at houses stage so you got bored and now a decade on you are at that stage so you are thinking that he would just slot back in.

You've just made up that he is your soul mate but he isn't because you got sick of the relationship and you ended it.

Still having some of his family on your Facebook is just a sign of you not using your social media effectively. It's not because you are his soul mate and they wanted to keep you in their world or anything.

He isn't your soul mate, he's a man you went out with and it was good for a while and then you ended it.

Original poster
Lifeinblackandwhite · 12/04/2024 07:33

@MushMonster

That's exactly what I’m struggling with. The regret that I should have and I wish I could go back in time, so much.

OP posts:
savoycabbage · 12/04/2024 07:44

Why would you want to go back in time and stay in a relationship that made you bored?

YellowDots · 12/04/2024 07:48

That's exactly what I’m struggling with. The regret that I should have and I wish I could go back in time, so much.

That's life though isn't it. People make decisions all of the time that change the course of their lives.

You chose to end it, that was the right decision for you at the time. Staying with somebody who you were looking at houses with wasn't what you wanted. Now you do want that because you are older you are thinking that it's that person that you want but it's probably just that you are now at that stage.

cryinglaughing · 12/04/2024 07:51

Do you think you may have rose tinted spectacles on?

If he wasn't right then, he won't be right now.
Remember he bored you!

Riverlee · 12/04/2024 08:06

Username947531 · 12/04/2024 07:19

If he was your soul mate you wouldn't have got bored and left him. You've turned this into something it wasn't. Remove his family from FB, stop dreaming, cut any ties and move on. Maybe get some counselling to understand why you've created this fantasy.

This.

Didimum · 12/04/2024 08:09

Sorry OP, but it seems you dicked him around a bit. I wouldn’t be interested in staying in contact with you either. Move on.

Pleasealexa · 12/04/2024 08:13

How old are you now? Something will have triggered this regret. Do whatever you can to look forward not back

MetalFences · 12/04/2024 08:18

So you emailed him two years ago and he replied. What happened after he replied?

rainraingoaway6 · 12/04/2024 08:23

I've been there, I was a lot younger but I had a teen romance which I ended because I met someone else and spend years kicking myself, I eventually got back in contact and we got back together but he wasn't what I'd imagined and I ended up with the ick after a few weeks just to walk away once again.
Honestly it's fantasy, you've taken all the good bits and filled in the gaps with idealistic ideas and forgotten why you once made the rational decision that life was better without him in it and 10 years later you expect to have that young exhilarating thrill that comes with a first love.
Many people remember their first love and for good reasons, treasure that but let it go.