Aibu not telling new partner about diagnosis

[Bpdqueen]

Iv been seeing a new guy for about 3 months now and things have been going great and I'm worried that if I tell him I have bpd he will leave. Aibu to keep this secret from him.

Loads of people with mental illnesses have babies and loads of people early on in relationships or from one night stands get pregnant. If this test comes back positive im keeping my baby

You may not have a choice if SS think you're a danger to your baby.

But the combination of such factors will raise alarm bells. You are vulnerable. How long ago did you lose custody of your dc?

Why would I be a danger to a baby iv never done anything to a baby or child. None of you are realising that I won't be alone this time its a completely different situation

If you've previously had children removed SS will be involved. If you have severe mental health issues (especially while symptomatic) you will probably require perinatal mental health input which is fairly intensive.

To put it bluntly you'll be man handled quite heavily for 9 months and beyond.

Jesus this is so toxic and dangerously manipulative. You want a baby with a man you've known three months, he doesn't know you have BPD, and you are already dangerously co-dependent on him.

He deserves to know the truth. I say this as someone who battles my own mental demons.

It's hard to tell if this is real or not, but I think it's bloody dangerous.

One step at a time though. Your CPN is due to see you today, be open and honest with them and engage fully with their support recommendations. Take the test, get on the meds.

One step at a time.

About 5 years ago

Because you have a serious mental illness, have been arrested multiple times and have previous for violent behaviour (smashing up a car). You also already have older children you don't see which is a huge red flag to social services.

I know none of this what you want to hear though.

Agree with this. However you cannot be confident of a relationship where you have not yet reached a point where you are comfortable enough to tell him the truth without fear of him leaving. If he finds out through a crisis it may well scare him off.

SS removed those children, it’s not a case where Dad has residency. A court has already denied her even letterbox contact. That’s how serious it was/is and is a very powerful message about how dangerous she is to children and how badly she treated them.

But I don't see why I should be still being punished for mistakes I made years ago. I'm no longer on drugs thats a big part of the reason my children were taken

There's no point in anyone commenting beyond this.

The way you’re getting pregnant, lying and deceiving your poor boyfriend is, for a start, just one reason why you this one would be removed. You have not changed, you have not acknowledged what you did to your children before they were removed or during the lengthy process before the judge decided you should have NO contact at all. During that time you will have been given an insane amount of chances to engage with all the various services they’ll have thrown at you, and you failed.

This isn't going to help. People with personality disorders lack insight.

You aren’t being punished. Nobody has said your hypothetical child will be taken. People ARE saying that social services would be involved. I know many people who have social services involved and their children haven’t been taken from them. We briefly had social services involved ourselves due to my partners mental health and the only intervention that happened was that we got some extra hours in nursery for our kid.

Being on drugs is a completely different issue than having a medical condition.

Iv been off the pill for 5 or 6 weeks I doubt it's even properly out my system yet so I'm sure all this is over nothing

It's not about punishing you, it's about protecting any children.

What doesn’t help is absolving her of all responsibility for anything she ever does. I’ve spent 38 years with a brother who has BPD, thanks. Coddling him did nothing but make him worse.

You went off the pill looking to get pregnanct roughly 6 weeks into a new relationship. Do you have any grasp on how outside the realm or normal/reasonable/healthy/mature that is?

I’m very glad you called your CPN @Bpdqueen. Maybe you might get your fresh start 💐

To be clear here, I don't think people with BPD are bad. I still speak to my ex a bit and care about him. I have two friends with cluster B traits.

They all have the same self-destructive traits in common (binge drinking, drugs, a history of short, intense relationships) but can be likeable, decent people despite that.

It's very sad watching them self destruct and often hurt others.

OP - be honest with CMHT and accept any treatment offered. Let people look after you.

Thankyou

But it’s not like it’s our fault for the way we are though is it? Why should people with personality disorders be accountable for things that are out of our control. You wouldn’t hold somebody with Body Dymsorphia accountable for going into debt to fix a nose they thought was disgusting.

facepalm