Aibu not telling new partner about diagnosis

[Bpdqueen]

Iv been seeing a new guy for about 3 months now and things have been going great and I'm worried that if I tell him I have bpd he will leave. Aibu to keep this secret from him.

He knows what he needs to know for now and that's enough and FYI we won't be using a condom tonight either so get over it. Night 😘

Not my life your ruining 🤷‍♀️

I hope this is a wind up. If not, OMG, the poor guy, those poor kids, all these lives and futures shattered.

He knows what he needs to know for now and that's enough

Fucking hell, this sounds just like my narcissistic ex who, when I asked him why he had lied to me about something huge early in the relationship (that would have meant I wouldn't have continued it), he said

"I only told you that because it was what you wanted to hear."

He had appointed himself judge and jury of what I had a right to know about the person I was in a relationship with, and decided it was quite all right to hide anything from me that he believed would show him in a less-than-ideal light.

OP, I hope your boyfriend dumps your lying ass when he finds out who you really are, just like I did with my ex. And I'm 1000 times happier without him.

Jeez OP, I hope this is a wind up.

You do know that men leave pregnant partners all the time don't you? What will you do then? Kill youself and the baby?

You really need to get some help.

I know he wouldn't leave me when I'm pregnant he's not like that

I'm not ruining anyone's life I'm making it better

Didn't you think the same about your first 2 baby daddies?

He's not gonna dump me when I'm carrying his kid he isn't like that

They were both assholes dp is nothing like them

Did you know they were assholes when you got pregnant? Or was it only later they turned out to be assholes?

He could have done it before he could have 2 kids he never sees but hasn’t told you about them.

He could have done it before he could have 2 kids he never sees but hasn’t told you about them.

Hit the nail on the head. If the boyfriend is hiding anything like what the OP is hiding from him, he could well have schizophrenia, a prison record and more than one former baby-mama who thinks he’s the asshole

Do you write to your older kids? I am sure there is a way via social services. Can you reflect on your mistakes and apologise to them? I just wonder if it would be a good idea to show them you are sorry, without making any demands of them. It might be a way to learn some aspects of parenting again before you embark on another pregnancy. No idea of the legalities of this.

These situations are tough. I am sure you had trauma which led you to this point and I feel for you. But my heart breaks for any kids taken into care dure to parental neglect etc. Looked After Children generally have worse outcomes at every stage and I feel so bad for your teens. Don’t ever put another child through that.

I think SS would be very worried about you being pregnant again. Esp given how mentally unstable you are and your ongoing suicide threats. Imagine life with a newborn and if your partner leaves. How would you cope with suicidal thoughts then, on a background of exhaustion and hormonal changes?

I do not want you to have a baby and then lose the child. That would be dreadful for both of you.

I do think this man is responsible for contraception too and do not agree it should always be the woman’s responsibility. But lying about the Pill is not on. I thought he was a decent guy? Keeping your MH issues secret is one thing. Telling him you are on the Pill and then lying to him is a whole different thing and unacceptable. Is that the right way to treat someone you say you love?

I think deep-down you know what everyone is saying is correct.

Is this thread helping you? Has it made you think differently in any way?

What medication were you on?

Sertraline, lorazapam and quetiapine

My ex would stop taking his medication when we'd get back together. He'd then quickly go back to paranoia, push-pull and binge drinking.

If medication helps you the rest of the time, the partner can't be seen as a cure.

An antidepressant and two antipsychotics stopped abruptly, brilliant.

Could you go back on the quetiapine at least? If you're happy you maybe don't need the SSRI right now.

It may not seem like I was listening but after rereading comments I contacted my mh team. My cpn is coming round this afternoon and their saying I need to do a pregnancy test and have made an urgent appointment with my psychiatrist. Now I'm worried, I don't know what's gonna happen I don't want to be sectioned again

Glad you've made the call. I hope you can be stabilised in the community. What have you told your boyfriend?

I haven't told him anything aslong as I don't get sectioned he doesn't need to know.

You are trying to manipulate and control him by getting pg. Let alone not telling him about your mh. You are hoping his sense of obligation to a baby would overcome any doubts your bpd may cause, if and when you tell him. Do you realise that there is every chance ss will get involved if you have a baby now, whether you think the relationship is better than your previous or not? Having previous children in care, getting pg in a recent relationship, mh issues and withdrawing medication raises red flags I'm afraid.

Well done, that must have been very difficult to do.

As I’m sure you are aware pregnancy can worsen MH issues.

The fact you are willing to cooperate and have identified your own behaviour as problematic is a really positive step.

Thankyou I'm just worried it's gone to far and Iv got myself in a mess I can't get out off. If I am already pregnant i just want a chance to show we can be a family without anyone getting involved