Confused by police

[Gettingbythanks]

I had a situation where the police spoke to me. I wasn’t doing anything wrong, it was because of where I was, and it being very early morning. They said they were concerned for me, and it was odd for me to be there. Maybe it was, I was frightened at home though, there were people banging on the window waking me up. I wish I hadn’t given my real name, they wanted to take me to a&e to speak to someone. I managed to explain things a bit, I don’t want that, because people are so patronising. They drove me home when I promised I would speak to my GP this week. Will they speak to my GP about me?

It just came up earlier, a lady asked if I wanted to join in with a pilates group. I couldn’t because of my ribs, but trying to get across being injured but not-injured got her (and me) confused. Normally I have words to make sense of things, if you don’t have words you have a jumbled mess in your head. I feel like I can’t trust time, I move backwards and forwards in it, usually you only go forwards. Or maybe you just think you do? My head has been very busily chaotic today, didn’t do pilates, I did some painting though. It was supposed to be trees and a river, I am very shaky unfortunately, so I called it ‘abstract 1’ instead. Half a sudoku, I got stuck. It’s when it gets dark, I get that dread back, you’re most vulnerable then.

The painting sounds good @Gettingbythanks I used to love drawing and painting but completely stopped when my kids were younger, you've inspired me to get the pencils out again
sorry you got your words jumbled, do you think you'll give the Pilates a go at some point? I've never done it.

Hope you are doing better op x

I wasn’t sure whether to let this thread go, I’m doing ok thanks. Getting settled on new meds, I’ve not been with it at times, but could be worse, I’m much calmer. I have leave to go home for the day tomorrow, which is kind of scary, although it’ll be good to get away from here for a bit. I’m 200 pages into a book and can barely remember the plot, that sucks!

P.s. the painting was kind of crap, I’ve done better since. ‘Abstract 1’ was an attempt at irony 😳

That you are 200 pages in speaks volumes - even if you don't remember it, it is great that you can actually read and being allowed home for a day is fantastic news and definitely a sign that you are doing better. Please stay on the thread - if you want to - so many of us are invested in knowing how you are and hearing how you are doing. Many on here are in the background willing you on and ready to support you as much as we can online even if the path is bumpy or tumultuous. You're doing great and have been really brave at what has been a really scary experience. I'm really in awe. MH units are not the easiest of places for sure but it sounds as if the meds have helped to make you feel less anxious. Keep going. You're doing amazingly.

If you want to leave this thread behind you, but think it would still be helpful to chat, you could start a new thread (and maybe link to it from this one) to mark the fact you've moved on to the next step, going on home leave?

Thats great news about tomorrow op! And its totally tour choice if you want to keep on here or abandon it, or even start a new one. Whatever helps you :)

It’s unsettling being at home, I’m pretty anxious. The flat’s like a bomb site tbh, I’ve done some basic tidying and washing, given the kitchen a wipe down, and then I had a damn good cry. I saw my neighbour briefly, and they were very kind, asking how I am, and they gave me enough milk for a couple of cups of tea. It’s so embarrassing, I know they’ll have seen the ambulance, they don’t miss anything. I’m not very comfortable with people being nice to me, mostly I get through life by being one of those people others don’t really notice. I wish I could walk away from everything.

Oh op it sounds totally normal to be anxious at going home. How are you now the evening draws in? Have you got anything to eat and maybe a nice show to watch?

I had to be back to the ward at 5.30. I don’t like it here, it’s necessary I suppose. I lost track of things like eating/drinking, I’ve lost weight and feel like my trousers are going to fall down! My friend was going to pick some cheap jogging bottoms up for me, she’s had to go down South though, her mum’s had a fall. I might be able to go in to town tomorrow afternoon if I’m allowed. I don’t remember things I should know, like how can you process a trauma if you can’t remember most of it? My body remembers the pain still (ribs) and the other stuff blood too, I feel like Lady friggin Macbeth trying to wash the blood off her hands. I managed 2 sudoku today so maybe my brain will start to work if I keep trying, I can’t do codewords though, any ideas to distract me from thinking about blood!