Probability of fingering causing pregnancy

[MountainVA]

Please do not shame me, I’m feeling terrible and my mental health is in shambles. Here are the facts before I ask question…..

-40 YO
-2 kids conceived super easy (11 & 13)
-In between birth controls (iud next month)
day 15 of cycle (ovulating according to chart)
-partner and I opted NOT to have intercourse since we knew I am ovulating.

I’m pretty sure some semen was on his fingers when he touched me. we don’t know 100% he says not but I did see him “handle himself a few times” So yes I know yes it’s theoretically a possibility if sperm is near vagina BUT statistically how likely? I’m ready everything from “haha your an idiot it’s impossible” to “that’s how my cousin conceived”.
Im terribly concerned. Loosing sleep and can’t eat. I cannot be pregnant at this time due to mental health concerns and my marriage is failing heading to a divorce. My anxiety is sky high and I’m all over the map from convinced to knowing it’s improbable. Next two weeks will be hell waiting.
Facts that I have come across online.

At 39 my chance of becoming pregnant TRYING is only about 5-6%.
If we had gone as fas as withdrawal (did not just using this as a thought) It’s 4% chance of pregnancy. Adding those two things together gives me odds less than 0, correct?

Going nuts…..

Please help me.

She obviously didn't lie on the willy or there wouldn't be a post 😂

Sorry op, I'd say your chances of pregnancy are very very slim.

"Lay off the willy"

🤣

It is very unlikely but theoretically possible.

There was an article in one of the teen mags when I was young about a couple who had (allegedly) got her pregnant even though there were both (allegedly) still virgins. (Am slightly suspicious as it did seem a bit “no mum - definitely not been having sex - honest!” to me.)

But there is a big difference between teen fertility and 39 year old fertility.

Unfortunately, on AIBU as well as lots of lovely supportive posters there are those that like to pick on the vulnerable. I know it's easy to say but try to ignore them. Take care 💐

New here had no idea won’t make mistake again

Well it’s not 0% chance but I’d be surprised if it’s more than 1/2% chance. I’d get MAP just in case.

When you consider just how many people struggle to conceive, even banging away at it with oodles of enthusiasm - the odds are small at aged 40.

However, worst case, you are mega fertile and baby on board - with your beliefs, you must also be able to access support to place a baby for adoption? Healthy newborns are so sought after, the child would be raised in a palace and never know discomfort in their entire life!

It's an extremely low statistic - I would try not to get worked up about it and just cross that bridge if it comes to it (which is unlikely).

Tears rolling down my cheeks.

Sounds like you’re really stressed by everything that’s gone on in your relationship and it’s made you scared. You won’t be pregnant from what you’ve told us. You’re just very upset and in a bad spot. Put that concern to be for now and be kind to yourself.

Do you have symptoms? It's unlikely , very unlikely

You're right, there are other topic forums, but I've learned that AIBU is a "no holds barred" bear pit.

People are "frank" to say the least!

And no blushes are spared.

This thread has actually been treated with respect and sensitivity, which is nice to see.

I understand that for some it might be TMI, but what's the point adding to the thread to mention it?

I don't understand why you won't just take the morning after pill if you are worried?

OP - I’m sure you’ll be fine but I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you x

Pretty surprised that so many people think the MAP works wherever you are in your cycle.

To be fair though, I was once prescribed it after I’d ovulated. It wasn’t until I’d read the instructions thoroughly that I realised it would be useless to take it!

Thank you all. I do have a therapy appointment tomorrow and I have medication for severe anxiety/OCD and panic attacks. Marriage has been Rocky but we have been trying to avoid divorce and work through our issues. One issue is sex. It took a lot for me to be intimate. Husband now says no sperm was anywhere on his fingers and I’m crazy. Hope is is right.

In theory it can happen but realistically it’s practically impossible.

I am worried about how anxious you are about this though.

If you are pregnant there’s nothing you can do to stop it (unless you take the morning after pill) so you have to wait to find out and then get a termination.

Theres no point worrying about something that probably won’t even happen!

I think you need to stop having sexual contact with someone you’re about to divorce.

Finish the relationship and work on your MH before having any other relationships.
You don’t need any added stress right now.

😂😂😂

proper cackling - haven’t LOLed that much on Mumsnet for ages, thank you! 😂

I'm sorry I can offer nothing helpful to the OP, but this thread reminds me of the gaggle of girls on the bus to away hockey matches at school all cackling over More's Position of the Fortnight 😂

Very unlikely at your age and since there was none on his finers I'd say. Aren't there tests you can take after just a few days? I'd take them for your own anxiety, but try not to worry. Think of it this way: there is literally nothing you can do about it either way. Most likely fine, but even if by some incredible quirk you are pregnant - you will cross that road, whatever the outcome. Reducing your mental health to tatters with anxiety over this will not help. I know easier said than done, but sometimes the thought that "it's in the past now, move on" helps me with problems like these.

If your mental health is shaky and you are heading towards a divorce then stop having sex. You are not in a place to give informed consent, even to yourself. Plus your spiritual belief probably has things to say about irresponsible conception. Glad to hear you have therapy as a resource.

Also haven't heard 'fingering' in years and years. It sounds very wrong, in a funny way. Mind you, not sure what I'd actually call it? Any suggestions?

Pn a totally different note, I don't think I realised how fertile I was with all these statistics. I was 39 and got pregnant (3rd DC but DHs 1st) within 2 months. Jeez we were lucky, then!

I happened to a friend of mine back when we were teens. She had vaginismus and no actual penetration took place. But, she was 17 and super fertile at the time.

Well it’s not 0% chance but I’d be surprised if it’s more than 1/2% chance. I’d get MAP just in case.

I think we’re talking more like 0.000001%

OP if you really think you’re that kind of ‘lucky’ I hope you put the lottery on regularly.

Op, there’s more chance of a politician being honest than of you being pregnant. Take a deep breath ffs.

Also “lay off the willy” - classic.