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Original poster

Made an enormous fool of myself

183 replies

moochies · 26/12/2021 10:54

I drank far too much yesterday.

I'm so sad and embarrassed. DH is furious with me and sad.

I think I ruined Christmas. I feel so sad and empty and disgusting. I honestly contemplated getting up this morning and taking every pill in the house to just end it all.

OP posts:
Annike4 · 26/12/2021 14:09

@moochies

I didn't do anything that bad. I didn't puke/smash anything/punch or insult anyone. I was just talking crap and wobbling about.

DH is just sad that yet again I've done this on what should be a nice day. I probably have these bad drinking days 3-4 times a year.

"Bad drinking days" - It's called "a binge or bender". You are an infrequent binge drinker, but it will escalate unless you stop it dead. I don't blame your DH for being pissed off. No way on earth would I put up with that.
me4real · 26/12/2021 14:12

Stop calling it "beer fear" FFS like some dim undergraduate university student - use of that term minimises it and tried to make it amusing - it is alcohol withdrawal!

@Annike4 Anxiety ('beer fear') isn't necessarily/usually withdrawl- it's just part of a hangover for some people/sometimes.

But I've been in OP's position and it feels a lot worse than when the average person has it, if you already have problems with your mental health.

And of course OP is already really hard on herself. Sad

BringUsSomeFrigginPudding · 26/12/2021 14:21

Everyone makes mistakes. Try to put it behind you. You're resolved to make improvements in your life, so at least something good can come out of a bad situation.

icedcoffees · 26/12/2021 14:23

@AlbertBridge

Are you sure you're not anxious and depressed because you live with a hideously judgemental DH?
He doesn't sound hideously judgemental at all, though. He just sounds like a partner who is fed up with special occasions being ruined by his wifes' excessive drinking.

It's impossible to enjoy a nice occasion when your partner is (in OP's own words) stumbling, slurring and falling asleep in their dinner.

Alcoholics or people with alcohol issues never seem to realise the impact it has on the people around them until it's too late, and the relationship is already suffering. It sounds like he's been more than tolerant and today was the straw that broke the camels back, so to speak.

rwalker · 26/12/2021 14:28

@AlbertBridge

Are you sure you're not anxious and depressed because you live with a hideously judgemental DH?
Don't we just love to blame the male irrespective hardly helpful.
WonderfulYou · 26/12/2021 14:29

DH is just sad that yet again I've done this on what should be a nice day. I probably have these bad drinking days 3-4 times a year.

Are these bad drinking days always on special occasions?

If so I can understand why he’d be so annoyed but in future if you know it might end up badly could you just not drink when it’s a special occasion?

rwalker · 26/12/2021 14:31

You can't go back you can only go forward . The events were yesterday the day after is the worst you won't be alone in this.

recognise the problem and know what you need to do . Best of luck and take care

PrincessNutella · 26/12/2021 14:35

Embarrassment is a clue that you can do something better. If you don't like what you did, you can try to do something different. 2022 is coming. There is all kinds of help for people who drink too much. You can turn this into something good.

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 26/12/2021 14:35

If you are on medication you shouldn't be drinking much alcohol. This probably affected how drunk you got.

SunshineCake1 · 26/12/2021 14:50

This is just too much drama. You did something many people have done. You don't do it every day. Your husband is acting like you are a child and he is the boss of you. Fuck that. You aren't a violent or abusive drunk. You drank because you are fucking sad and struggling. How about your husband get off his arse and start taking some, more of the load to give you the space you need to heal and feel better.

MissConductUS · 26/12/2021 15:01

@moochies

I honestly do now desperately want to stop drinking.

How I feel right now is unbearable.

You can. I stopped in 1994 and haven't touched it since. It was causing real problems in my life too.

You can absolutely do this, but it's often not easy. Don't be shy about asking for help or finding a support group. Alcohol abuse is a medical condition, not a moral failing.

Good luck. Flowers

CustardySergeant · 26/12/2021 15:03

@Valhalla17

Your dh should have noticed, had a quiet word at the time and got you some water....no point him being furious after the event. He should have intervened in a helpful way.
Yes, it must be the man's fault, obviously. Hmm
onemorerose · 26/12/2021 15:06

Op I hope you are starting to feel a little better by now. You need to be kind to yourself and talk to yourself the way you would a friend. You are not the only one who has went overboard and use this experience as learning.

VioletLemon · 26/12/2021 15:35

Sorry you are feeling so awful. You will feel some relief when you tell yourself that you don't need to do it again. Try to distract yourself and be kind in a simple way like making a cup of tea. Just apologise to your husband, move on. Use medication safely to manage your anxiety, stop drinking. I have the exact same problem so understand the crippling shame, I also have MH condition that exacerbates sha.me please get things into perspective and ask for a referral to get CBT which may help with thought patterns. Snuggle up and watch something nice, you do deserve it. Take care X

Original poster
moochies · 26/12/2021 16:06

Thanks all. God, I thought I'd be less of a messy twat by now. I'm pushing 40.

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 26/12/2021 16:07

@moochies

Talking complete nonsense, slurring, stumbling, half falling asleep in front of guests.
Is this your memory of what happened, or what your dh said happened? What was the 'nonsense' you spoke? Do you get memory black outs?
Original poster
moochies · 26/12/2021 16:08

Yes I do have blackouts. DH said I was just slurring, talking crap, kept putting stupid music videos on, drinking straight out of wine bottles.

Just being a daft messy drunk person.

OP posts:
icedcoffees · 26/12/2021 16:13

I think you need to speak to your GP about your medication and it also sounds like you shouldn't be drinking at all if you can't do so without slurring and stumbling about the place.

Some people can drink more than others and there are all sorts of things that can impact how alcohol affects us - medication (which sounds likely in your case), illnesses like diabetes, how much you've eaten, whether you've slept properly etc etc.

The behaviour you describe is quite alarming to me and would suggest an intolerance to alcohol - whether that's down to your medication or because you have issues with drink is something only you know.

MarshaBradyo · 26/12/2021 16:14

Who was there op Other family?

Take it easy on yourself, you’ve had a realisation and can start to change

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 26/12/2021 16:16

I think we should start a group for this because there'll be more people than you think OP. Myself included.

MichelleScarn · 26/12/2021 16:18

drinking straight out of wine bottles.
How much did you drink in total do you think? Just wondering due to risk of stopping without support.

Original poster
moochies · 26/12/2021 16:28

@teaandtoastwithmarmite

I think we should start a group for this because there'll be more people than you think OP. Myself included.
Excellent idea. A thread?
OP posts:
Original poster
moochies · 26/12/2021 16:29

@MichelleScarn

drinking straight out of wine bottles. How much did you drink in total do you think? Just wondering due to risk of stopping without support.
Probably had about 6 glasses of wine in all.

My medication just makes me so much more fuzzy and messy than everyone else seemed to be test.

OP posts:
Original poster
moochies · 26/12/2021 16:49

I've started a day 1 thread.

OP posts:
teaandtoastwithmarmite · 26/12/2021 16:50

@moochies

I've started a day 1 thread.
Brilliant! X