Made an enormous fool of myself

[moochies]

I drank far too much yesterday.

I'm so sad and embarrassed. DH is furious with me and sad.

I think I ruined Christmas. I feel so sad and empty and disgusting. I honestly contemplated getting up this morning and taking every pill in the house to just end it all.

Yep. My drinking habit was like russian roulette. Would either be fine or spiral into chaos. I never knew which one it would be. So I would have all good intentions of having a few drinks and enjoying myself and then it would turn bad. I would get flirty, obnoxious and sometimes even naked in public. Such an embrassment to my husband. I would definitely not associate with a person like drunk me. And like you just a handful of times a year and the rest just a normal happy and inoffensive woman. I decided to attend AA to remind myself of the feeling you're feeling right now and decided although I don't rely on alcohol, to me it just wasn't worth the risk anymore. My children are growing up and I had worries that when they get boyfriends I could even try it on with them when drunk which is terrifying and totally not who I am. Some people react badly to alcohol and I am one of the. However, your feelings today will pass, its what you choose to do with them that will make the difference. Take care OP it's not the end of the world.

In the short term, it sounds like you need to try and not catastrophise, apologise, remember and move on.

Alcohol doesn't seem to work for you on your current medication so might be good to try and avoid.

Many people have drunk too much. Four times a year isn't ideal but not the end of the world so your DP needs not to over-react either.

HNRTT but the key issue for me is that you don't seem to be stable on your current medication and well-controlled so perhaps a chat to your GP to see if the benefits of a change would outweigh the costs. Do you have access to any non-pharmaceutical treatments, CBT or talking therapies?

Good luck.

@Ibane

You and half the population. Why is your husband so angry?

You shouldn't minimise like this. Her husband is probably angry because as she has admitted it happens 3 or 4 times a year, which in binge drinkers speak is probably monthly at least.

I'm sorry you got very drunk on Christmas day op. You sound remorseful so please don't listen to some posters on here enabling your behaviour. Apologise to your dh and seek help.

Hello moochies, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way today.

We hope you don't mind, but when any thread that mentions thoughts like yours, even fleeting, we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.
You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We can see that you are receiving good advice re drinking, and of course only you will know if it's time to get help, or best to park yesterday's embarrassment and move on. We wish you all the best in your decision-making.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Seems a bit much for your husband to be "furious & sad".

This site is constantly full of threads where woman and furious with their husbands for exactly this situation and it’s never classed as a bit much. Usually told to take themselves out for the day and leave their husband with kids.

Op just learn from it, it’s all you can do. If you can’t moderate your drinking then don’t drink on social occasions. Everyone has made a fool out themselves when drunk at some point so people won’t remember it. Just don’t do it again.

You are absolutely being way too hard on yourself!! Everyone has drank too much at some point (excluding those who don't drink). It's so easily done. One minute you feel fine then the next minute you are slurring etc. But as my sil always says "it's just your turn". If you feel it's a problem then look at addressing this. But everything can be fixed.

Oh dear

I used to feel dreadful after drinking sometimes. It is a known fact it makes anxiety and depression worse, so you'd be well served if you could stop drinking altogether.

It sounds like you were just pissed not horrendous, so go easy on yourself.

I absolutely need to stop drinking forever.

I feel completely suicidal today, and it's just not worth it. I'm so sad.

Stop drinking alcohol for good

Apologise to everyone you offended or embarrassed

Move on.... 2022 is going to be your year, alcohol free.

@Ibane I don't think minimising is healthy either. These incidents are causing OP shame and regret, so their are obviously unhealthy.

I can honestly say I have never drunk to the point of making a fool of myself and therefore I have very little tolerance for that in my partners. If my other half got that passed at a family function I would be sad and disappointed too. I hate how alcohol is so normalised nowadays. It's a freaking drug after all.

Pissed not passed

Seems a bit much for your husband to be "furious & sad"

Not to me it doesn't, given it's not the first time it's happened.

OP, alcohol is not for everyone and it certainly sounds as though it's not for you.

I'd swerve it completely in future

It sounds you selfmedicate with alcohol for your anxiety and depression.Please see a GP and get referred for councelling.you need help in finding the reason why you are depressed and anxious.selfmedicating a problem just adds another problem.wish you all the best.

Hangover anxiety is the worst! You have my sympathy.
I am a bit like this - don't drink regularly and get carried away after I start in social situations. It doesn't sound like you did anything terrible at all, but it has obviously become an issue for your partner. Was he embarrassed by it, did it affect anyone else, was it unreasonable behaviour? These are questions to ask yourself and think about and decide on a way forward - not drinking before dinner, having more mixers in yours etc.

DH is just sad that yet again I've done this on what should be a nice day. I probably have these bad drinking days 3-4 times a year. tbh I can see his point, for an onlooker there’s nothing worse than being with someone who always gets drunk on what should be nice occasions and brings down the tone. While getting drunk isn’t in itself unusual, being with someone who can’t have a good time drunk is very wearing.

But it’s not worth harming yourself over. It’s done, and you have the power to change things going forward.

Let the memory of how this has made you and those around you feel be your motivation to stop drinking.

Bless you, alcohol makes anxiety much, much worse and if you struggle with that generally I’d definitely consider ditching it completely. Do reassure yourself though that it is the alcohol making you feel awful rather than anything you’ve actually done and you will feel better soon.

I'm sorry to be blunt but you obviously have issues with alcohol, I know many many people who do and I would give up or seek help aa if you cant. Defo don't beat yourself up about it tho, it's an extremely common problem in this society Good luck xx

Don't contemplate suicide! Wobbling around drunk is absolutely nothing compared to that. It's just time now for you to learn your lessons, time to stop drinking because it doesn't make you feel better in the long term, in fact it makes you feel 100 times worse.

Make your apologies, forgive yourself and stop drinking for good. Make a negative into a huge positive.

@moochies

Does anyone else do this?

I've never felt this sad and depressed before.

I honestly feel like I need to call the doctor and ask them to put me away somewhere for a while. I'm just in full bodied panic and fear.

I take medication for anxiety and depression but it's just not working. I wish someone could fix me. That's probably why I drink too much when I drink. Just to block out the world and disappear.

No wonder the alcohol affected you so much!

Yes, go back to the GPs and get your meds sorted.

Are you receiving counselling?

Op please don't harm yourself over this. You got pissed on Christmas day, you didn't get aggressive or strip off or anything that sounds too bad at all. In a day or two you will feel a lot better. For today, get a takeaway tonight and just rest up. I'm also like this, I don't mean to get drunk but I'm fine one minute then all of a sudden it creeps up on me and I'm plastered! The fear the day after is the worst thing ever (especially as I like to text and call when drunk... cringe 😬) but I always feel better the day after that.

@moochies

I absolutely need to stop drinking forever.

I feel completely suicidal today, and it's just not worth it. I'm so sad.

If your DH isn't helping, please ring Samaritans.

They can listen and maybe you can formulate a plan going forward.

He may be at the end of his tether but your DH doesn't sound like he's looking to help here.

Come and join us on the Dry January thread OP.

@moochies this is a CLASSIC case of THE HORRORS. everything seems so much worse and awful and terrible. And the feat and the guilt and the shame seem overwhelming. THIS WILL GO AWAY. I have done the absolute most horrific and embarrassing thing whilst drunk one year, which you don’t even touch. Honestly, getting a bit slurred and wobbling about, falling asleep - someone ALWAYS falls
Asleep. Go easy on yourself. As today goes on you will begin to feel better. X

Apologise and stop drinking if it causes this

I don't really see what you've done that's so awful. You got drunk, talked rubbish and wobbled about? Your bloke is being dramatic.

What you need is a hug, a lazy day with carbs, fluids and good telly. A hangover with someone being cross at you will make you feel extra rubbish.