Made an enormous fool of myself

[moochies]

I drank far too much yesterday.

I'm so sad and embarrassed. DH is furious with me and sad.

I think I ruined Christmas. I feel so sad and empty and disgusting. I honestly contemplated getting up this morning and taking every pill in the house to just end it all.

As well as the hangover remorse etc don’t forget your body is still undergoing a biological and chemical reaction to the alcohol. This will also be impacting your mood.

If you genuinely want to use this as an opportunity to change, research the different ways you can give up drinking. You don’t necessarily have to use AA/12 steps if that’s not your thing.

Thank you all. It's really helping me feel less alone.

Honestly it’s happened to the best of us so don’t worry about what other people think. The fear and panic is the alcohol so try to distract yourself for today.
Tomorrow when you feel better think more about what you can do in the future

I disagree with others here. I think the level of drunk that means you think you go overboard 50% of the time, plus the ruined Christmas suggests a problem with alcohol to me.

I think doing anything to the point where it upsets and interrupts otherwise happy family life (assuming that's what you normally have) is a problem.

If it wasn't an issue then you'd just not drink. Ie if mince pies risked me behaving in a way that would upset my family then I'd just not eat them - because they don't mean that much to me.

If booze means enough to you that it is worth a 50/50 risk of going overboard then I think this is worth looking at honestly.

Even more so that now that it has also resulted in a morning after in which you feel so bad you are thinking about self harm.

Get help now to examine your relationship with drink and held asses how much (if) you have a problem.

drinking on top of meds is not a good idea. probably wanted some sort of dutch courage but went too far. apologise then move on. when GP is back to work see him asap tell that the pills don't work for you and maybe say about your drinking too sending love to you and a big hug

@moochies

Does anyone else do this?

I've never felt this sad and depressed before.

I honestly feel like I need to call the doctor and ask them to put me away somewhere for a while. I'm just in full bodied panic and fear.

I take medication for anxiety and depression but it's just not working. I wish someone could fix me. That's probably why I drink too much when I drink. Just to block out the world and disappear.

Oh I've felt like this before. Please try not to worry its done now.

Can you put a nice film on to watch that might help take your mind off of your anxiety? Maybe make a cup of tea? It's the simple things like that that make me feel better.

I recently changed ADs from sertraline to escitalopram and while the latter is generally way better for me, it really doesn't react well to more than one or two drinks. Makes the anxiety and depression a million times worse and gives me a cracking hangover in a way that sertraline never did.

I take venlafaxine and diazepam, but I avoid alcohol when I'm taking diazepam.

I had to take a couple just now though, I'm in such a state.

@HalfWomanHalfMincePie

I disagree with others here. I think the level of drunk that means you think you go overboard 50% of the time, plus the ruined Christmas suggests a problem with alcohol to me.

I think doing anything to the point where it upsets and interrupts otherwise happy family life (assuming that's what you normally have) is a problem.

If it wasn't an issue then you'd just not drink. Ie if mince pies risked me behaving in a way that would upset my family then I'd just not eat them - because they don't mean that much to me.

If booze means enough to you that it is worth a 50/50 risk of going overboard then I think this is worth looking at honestly.

Even more so that now that it has also resulted in a morning after in which you feel so bad you are thinking about self harm.

Get help now to examine your relationship with drink and held asses how much (if) you have a problem.

I appreciate that it’s concerning that the OP can’t control her intake when she drinks, but we don’t in fact know she ‘ruined Christmas’— we have only the word of someone in full-on hangover anxiety for that. It may or may not reflect what happened.

Hi OP I have diagnosed anxiety, on meds, and used to feel exactly the way you did after drinking - paralysing utter fear and shame!!! Just for being drunk and wobbly/talking nonsense. I have given up drinking completely and it has made the world of difference to my mental health, alcohol really does heighten anxiety/depression. Alcohol chemically surpresses chemicals in your brain and when your brain tries to re-balance in the morning, it causes this rebound effect that cripples you mentally. It will pass I promise, it is not a reflection on you or what you have done. I hope you feel better soon!

I didn't do anything that bad. I didn't puke/smash anything/punch or insult anyone. I was just talking crap and wobbling about.

DH is just sad that yet again I've done this on what should be a nice day. I probably have these bad drinking days 3-4 times a year.

Be really kind to yourself today - beer fear is horrific xx

@allen200

Hi OP I have diagnosed anxiety, on meds, and used to feel exactly the way you did after drinking - paralysing utter fear and shame!!! Just for being drunk and wobbly/talking nonsense. I have given up drinking completely and it has made the world of difference to my mental health, alcohol really does heighten anxiety/depression. Alcohol chemically surpresses chemicals in your brain and when your brain tries to re-balance in the morning, it causes this rebound effect that cripples you mentally. It will pass I promise, it is not a reflection on you or what you have done. I hope you feel better soon!

Thank you so much.

Maybe it's time to stop drinking OP?
Alcohol certainly won't be helping your anxiety and depression and it means you won't wake up feeling like this ever again.
Wouldn't that be nice?

@moochies

Does anyone else do this?

I've never felt this sad and depressed before.

I honestly feel like I need to call the doctor and ask them to put me away somewhere for a while. I'm just in full bodied panic and fear.

I take medication for anxiety and depression but it's just not working. I wish someone could fix me. That's probably why I drink too much when I drink. Just to block out the world and disappear.

Did you drink too much because you were just having fun or were you feeling socially anxious?

Its just the hangover talking! Unless you were violent/abusive I really dont think you have much to feel so bad about. DH needs to lighten up -lots of people will have drunk too much yesterday - dont lose perspective, its not the end of the world! X

The alcohol amplifies feelings of anxiety and depression. It makes you feel jittery as the effects wear off.

The best thing would be to pause alcohol for a week. Then see if you can extend for another week. See how it goes and you may find life slightly easier.

@moochies

Talking complete nonsense, slurring, stumbling, half falling asleep in front of guests.

Was it the ILs?

Seems a bit much for your husband to be "furious & sad".

Was it the guests making you feel anxious & drinking more than usual?

Idk, it's one day & you were drunk-will it be forever used as a stick to beat you with or become a funny story?

I call this morning after drinking feeling “Hangxiety”.

I’ve not drank for 3 years because it got so bad!

You got drunk talked a bit of nonsense and fell asleep?

Your husband sounds very dramatic. Were you supposed to be caring for small children? Is he always this puritanical in his approach to your behaviour?

You made a mistake.

It's a human right to make a mistake.

Take responsibility for it though.

If you were surrounded by ''loved ones'' I hope they will allow you to take responsibility for your mistake.

I know that family can drive you crazy projecting all of their bullshit on to you though so christmas day, surrounded by family is not the supportive environment it sounds like it should be, not for everybody.

I absolutely do take responsibility for it.

Gosh we've all been there! Pity it's too late for a maccies breakfast, that would have sorted you.

You got pissed. If you don’t like how you acted don’t get drunk again. Live and learn