Made an enormous fool of myself

[moochies]

I drank far too much yesterday.

I'm so sad and embarrassed. DH is furious with me and sad.

I think I ruined Christmas. I feel so sad and empty and disgusting. I honestly contemplated getting up this morning and taking every pill in the house to just end it all.

Please forgive yourself. Your body and mind will settle down in a few hours. Drink water, eat a proper meal if you can, even scrambled eggs would help.

See today as a fresh start, turn it around, it’s a joyful day, knowing you won’t feel like this ever again as you are making changes.

*Beer fear

Oh OP 💐 you won't be the first to have a drink too many and you won't be the last, beer fear is horrendous, and every time you think about it, it feels even worse.

My DH has a habit of drinking too much for parties, and if he listened to me, he would think the world ended, but in reality, nobody cared and it happens, it could just as well be me next time.

Christmas isn't ruined, you're just going to feel a bit shitty today.

@HalfWomanHalfMincePie

I disagree with others here. I think the level of drunk that means you think you go overboard 50% of the time, plus the ruined Christmas suggests a problem with alcohol to me.

I think doing anything to the point where it upsets and interrupts otherwise happy family life (assuming that's what you normally have) is a problem.

If it wasn't an issue then you'd just not drink. Ie if mince pies risked me behaving in a way that would upset my family then I'd just not eat them - because they don't mean that much to me.

If booze means enough to you that it is worth a 50/50 risk of going overboard then I think this is worth looking at honestly.

Even more so that now that it has also resulted in a morning after in which you feel so bad you are thinking about self harm.

Get help now to examine your relationship with drink and held asses how much (if) you have a problem.

I read your post and can feel that you obviously feel awful , but i agree with what this person says . I have had the experience of two people in my life who's drunken behaviour was truly awful , i no longer see one of them. If you feel you need help let 2022 be your year for a fresh start .

You have the beer fest sweetheart and things will look better tomorrow once you are back on an even keel - your husband should be reassuring and supporting you but if this is a pattern consider stopping drinking at least for a while

The very fact you've had 130+ replies in 2 hours, on Boxing Day - shows that it's not that uncommon, most of us know exactly how you feel OP. It's temporary, ignore it.

Thank you, this thread is so helpful

@moochies

Does anyone else do this?

I've never felt this sad and depressed before.

I honestly feel like I need to call the doctor and ask them to put me away somewhere for a while. I'm just in full bodied panic and fear.

I take medication for anxiety and depression but it's just not working. I wish someone could fix me. That's probably why I drink too much when I drink. Just to block out the world and disappear.

You are in alcohol withdrawal - that's what a "hangover" is. You feel wretched and fearful and ill.

If you already have depression, alcohol will make you far more depressed - it is a depressant.
Not being able to stop when you start drinking is a very bad sign. it doesn't matter whether you go 6 months without drinking. You really ought to stop as your drinking will escalate over time and this will happen over and over.

All you can do is apologise if you feel it's needed and stop binge drinking. One is too many and ten is never enough, right? - that's when you have a problem. Stop.

Oh OP try not to beat yourself up. I've been there myself. I actually don't drink at all anymore as I decided to hangovers/ anxiety weren't worth it. Like you, I didn't drink that often , but when I did I regularly would go over the top/ drink too fast/ not know when to stop. It doesn't sound like you did anything awful though, you'll start to feel better once the alcohol leaves your system. I think your partner is being rather unfair if all you did was slur your words and fall asleep.

@Valhalla17

Your dh should have noticed, had a quiet word at the time and got you some water....no point him being furious after the event. He should have intervened in a helpful way.

He probably did. Once someone is that drunk, nothing you do or say is going to stop them.

When you're feeling a bit better and if you think you might want to look at your relationship with alcohol, The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober is a great read

I honestly do now desperately want to stop drinking.

How I feel right now is unbearable.

I think there’s a difference between the occasional festive dose of ‘beer fear’ after one too many and being someone with medicated mental health issues who is fairly regularly (every couple of months, it seems) getting so drunk you embarrass yourself and your husband and wake up feeling suicidal.

I’ve been there, OP. I’m not talking from a place of judgement. The only thing that worked for me was giving up drinking.

Drinking on depression and pain, trying to escape difficult feelings and reach oblivion through drinking, drinking to ‘blackout’ (I don’t mean passing out, but losing an awareness of yourself), never knowing when you have that first drink how it’s going to pan out… are all really bad signs, and in my experience of alcoholism only ever get worse.

There’s plenty of help out there for alcohol issues. Reaching a rock bottom is almost always how people realise their drinking isn’t safe and reach out for help. I know that’s true for me. I woke up one morning after similarly making an arse of myself in front of my (lovely) DH and D.C. and thought ‘Actually, I never, ever want to feel like this again l’ and there was only one way I could be sure that would happen.

@moochies

I honestly do now desperately want to stop drinking.

How I feel right now is unbearable.

It is, and when you've moved past this feeling, come back to this thread to remind you whenever you feel like slipping again. I gave up drinking for the same reasons as you will. I would get black out drunk because of my mental health being so poor I couldn't control myself. Took a few overdoses when drunk too.

A few years later and mentally well, I have the very odd drink, maybe a handful of times a year. I never get that drunk, I have learnt to stop. I never thought I could do this but I have. You can too. I promise.

Oh love, you won't be the only one today... not by a long shot.

It's a New Year soon. See your GP, and make some changes gradually so that by next Christmas you're on top form and don't need the alcohol.

Drink lots of water today, rug up and go out for a long walk and blow the cobwebs away. It'll focus your mind and help you feel physically better.

So sorry you are feeling this way. I agree that a sincere apology is a good start (have rtft but have ADHD so details not a strong point so applogies if you already mentioned this) Just to echo those above who mentioned anti-anxiety or depression medication and alcohol really do not mix. Not sure what you are on, couldn't see if you mentioned specifics but know when I looked up drug interactions for Sertraline and Citalopram when trying to help a friend, I found that alcohol exacerbates any symptoms like slurring and can also contribute to poor judgement. Worth looking this up maybe.

I wish you luck with whatever you decide to do I the future re drinking but in the meantime, try not to be too hard on yourself.

Found the link www.drugs.com/food-interactions/citalopram.html

Alcohol can increase the nervous system side effects of citalopram such as dizziness, drowsiness, and difficulty concentrating. Some people may also experience impairment in thinking and judgment. You should avoid or limit the use of alcohol while being treated with citalopram.

The entry for Sertraline is very similar.

Obviously it depends what you said or did (I remember someone saying that they were having an affair and the women was pregnant and he wished his kids were never born so he could just be with her and his new baby) however a lot people get too drunk on Xmas and make a fool of themselves - it’s once a year and it’s a time when you can relax and let your hair down. You might be a bit embarrassed and feel rough but it’s nothing to worry about or feel so down about.

There was a women who posted yesterday about pushing her SDC arm and she couldn’t stop thinking about it - but it was honestly nothing to worry about and I imagine your situation is exactly the same.

Don’t feel bad for having fun and letting yourself go. You’re an adult and as long as you didn’t insult anyone you can act however you want to.

Are you sure you're not anxious and depressed because you live with a hideously judgemental DH?

DH is just sad that yet again I've done this on what should be a nice day.

Your DH is sad because you were "just talking crap and wobbling about"? He said he feels sad? That's an extremely pompous reaction. Has he also shaken his head stoically and used the word "disappointed"?

I recently attended a party with my DH and drank too much too quickly because I was nervous. I consequently made a MASSIVE faux pas and made a joke that was in terrible taste. Honestly I misjudged everything and was an idiot.

My DH has never said he was sad about it.

OP, I'm so very sorry.

You can self refer for mental health help if you're in England/Wales.

www.nhs.uk/mental-health/nhs-voluntary-charity-services/nhs-services/how-to-access-mental-health-services/

You deserve to be supported and to get help to recover. Keep trying, OP. If the meds aren't working, go back and ask for alternative suggestions. There are many, many things that may help. You may need a combination of things to fully recover. It may take time.

You may need more exercise, water, fresh air, daylight, a balanced diet, vitamins, therapy, counselling, medication, a new outlook, time and loving support. Most of all what you need is the complete conviction that it is possible to get better (it is) and that you deserve to get better (you do).

Also rec'ing this book, which though not a terribly exciting read really helped me to get past depressive thought patterns which I hadn't realised had gripped me for many years:

www.goodreads.com/book/show/46674.Feeling_Good

Wishing you all that you need to get through this. Keep on keeping on.

@Shuffleuplove

That’s beer fear. It is HORRIBLE but it passes. If you don’t drink though, you never have to experience that again. How fab would that be?

Stop calling it "beer fear" FFS like some dim undergraduate university student - use of that term minimises it and tried to make it amusing - it is alcohol withdrawal! Over time as drinking episodes happen, it eventually turns into "the horrors" with severe withdrawal and tremors, then over time on to Delirium Tremens which is life threatening and horrific to go through.

IT ISN'T "BEER FEAR".

Nothing is worth topping yourself/self harming over. And what you did doesn't sound that bad. How supportive is your husband usually @moochies ?

I take medication for anxiety and depression but it's just not working. I wish someone could fix me. That's probably why I drink too much when I drink. Just to block out the world and disappear.

Glad you're going to speak to your GP. There are loads of different things they can try, so keep trying different things until they hit on something that has the best results for you.

In September a consultant encouraged me to stop drinking as it lessens the effectiveness of my bipolar meds massively.

I haven't stopped as that wouldn't be 'me,' but I cut down to just a couple of drinks on the average week (barring Xmas or visiting friends etc)

Now I've found that alcohol doesn't have the same effect anymore, I don't get many positives from it. It just leaves me feeling drained and thick. I might occasionally have a drink in future, but not much.

So if 'never again' doesn't work for you, you could approach it like that @moochies .

And bear in mind that alcohol will reduce the effectiveness of any treatment you're on to help your depression and anxiety. Which is one more big reason to give up/cut down.

I thought alcohol mixed nicely with my meds to chill me out, but I feel a lot better without it. It gave me 'grogginess.'

Not only will it help the absorbtion of your meds if you stop, but alcohol +meds can bring out negative side effects of the meds, even if you don't have them the rest of the time. This includes possibly increasing your anxiety.

www.therecoveryvillage.com/alcohol-abuse/alcohol-and-effexor/

@moochies sign up here (and consider paying for the Live one if you think you’ll struggle to not drink) learn.thisnakedmind.com/the-alcohol-experiment-registration

Also join the alcohol free thread linked to above.