DS head teacher making my anxiety sky rocket

[MrsArchchancellorRidcully]

I'll try to keep this brief. I am a member of a private closed group on fb. I use it to let of steam and rant about stuff that I'd never put on main fb. My account is private but I occasionally post on public groups but keep things very blasé.

I ranted on the private group about my DS being upset that his after school club was being cancelled till new year (an outdoor club at that).

I speculated on a friends post that schools may close early for Xmas again. But in a very innocuous way.

DS head (primary) has emailed me asking to call him about a social media post that's been brought to my attention. I've emailed back saying I'm really busy in work (I am) and can he email me his query.

' No' he emailed. 'Ring me In January!!!!'

I'm now so anxious about what he wants. I'm even nervous to post here in case his spies are out. I can't see what it could be as my rants are all on locked groups.

DH says ignore or just tell him my posts are personal to me and nothing to do with him.

Can anyone give me some reassurance?

That's unfair to leave you anxious about it until January. I would be over thinking like you. I would phone the school and speak to him today, so you can move on and forget about it. You haven't done anything wrong, so try not to worry.

Well you can’t wait till January.
Phone school and get an appointment to speak to him as soon as possible.
Is what you’ve posted in the public domain??
Is any of what you’ve posted untrue or a personal attack on any member of staff??

Could any of what you’ve written be considered defamatory to school?

January?!? I wouldn't be waiting till then. If it's that important he can speak to you today.

I would just give him a call on your lunch break.

Yes definitely call him today you can’t have this hanging over your head over christmas.

And never post anything you wouldn’t be happy for anyone else to read - there’s no such thing as completely private when it comes to social media

I would ignore it.

If they want to raise something with me they should either bother to call me or email clearly their request, else, not my circus, not my monkey’s.

None of their business.

Maybe take it as a reminder not to post anything online that you wouldn’t say outright to someone’s face. It’s not private and the comments can cause more hurt than intended just because you’ve let off steam. Something I say to my teens most days.

Thanks but I am terrified. I want to ignore it.

I said nothing on public fb. I moaned about the head removing an outdoor activity for my DS due to covid but that was in a private closed group. Unless he has a spy??

Well, it can't be that serious if he's happy to wait til January, can it? And I'd wonder if, since your posts are private (and pretty inocuous), if he actually wants to chat about a social media post that your son has made, rather than you?

If the peremptory tone with the exclamation marks is worrying you, be reassured. I know that it's very hard to read tone in emails but all the education professionals I know use exclamation marks to indicate a lack of seriousness and a friendly tone, rather than a 'do it now' imperative tone.

I'd read that as a 'don't worry about it now - it can wait till January haha we're all so crazy busy!' rather than anything sinister.

@ninecoronas

Well, it can't be that serious if he's happy to wait til January, can it? And I'd wonder if, since your posts are private (and pretty inocuous), if he actually wants to chat about a social media post that your son has made, rather than you?

Goodness no. My DS doesn't have social media at all. He's only yr 5!

Just reply that you would rather know what is going on as soon as possible.

And maybe ditch Faceboo?

@Tropicaltutu

Maybe take it as a reminder not to post anything online that you wouldn’t say outright to someone’s face. It’s not private and the comments can cause more hurt than intended just because you’ve let off steam. Something I say to my teens most days.

That's a good reminder thanks. But I am incredibly careful on main fb. I assumed closed groups are private and so a bit more of a private space to vent. I've not mentioned name of school or name of any teachers etc.

It doesn’t matter if it was a private closed group. Someone could have told him what was said, taken a screenshot, or it could be about something completely unrelated.

Either way you need be more wary when posting online and if you want to put your mind at rest with the head just give him a call.

But you said you're too busy to talk to him now, which is why he has said January, you can't now complain that you have to wait.

It is either that someone in the private group is unhappy with what you have said and reported it or its a post either made from your son or about him.

Just call him for a chat.

Well he's not your headteacher is he. He can't actually tell you off about anything! He can ask you to take a post down and that's it. Obviously you don't wnat to fall out with your kid's school but he's not in charge of you!

As a teacher I can tell you that most ‘private’ groups that parents rant on often have someone close to the HT or other members of staff. Never rant about school on social media if you don’t want to discuss it with the person you’ve ranted about; in my experience it always gets back.

However, if you’re up for the conversion about whatever you’re unhappy about - rant away! Just call and get it over with.

Aren't you allowed an opinion?!

Do you work at the school?
I'd assume someone has screenshot and sent him your rant so your locked group isn't as secure as you think. Have you considered leaving the group and only bitching in person if you're this scared?

@LunaLoveFood

But you said you're too busy to talk to him now, which is why he has said January, you can't now complain that you have to wait.

It is either that someone in the private group is unhappy with what you have said and reported it or its a post either made from your son or about him.

Just call him for a chat.

This - you're only potentially waiting until January because you won't make an appointment to call him. You could sort this out today!

Ha, private group or not, there are still people that will take screenshots.

Ah- well that's alright then! Having to smooth a few ruffled feathers over a not-very-inflammatory vent is way better than having to haul your kid over the coals for posting untold horrors

Just call him and get it out of the way .

What exactly did you say?

"I'm so fed up that cycling (always the mystery sport on MN) is cancelled. Mr Jones said it was because of XYZ" is very different to "That bastard Jones has cancelled cycling. I'm so angry with him. Why is cycling always the sport that gets cancelled?"