DS head teacher making my anxiety sky rocket

[MrsArchchancellorRidcully]

I'll try to keep this brief. I am a member of a private closed group on fb. I use it to let of steam and rant about stuff that I'd never put on main fb. My account is private but I occasionally post on public groups but keep things very blasé.

I ranted on the private group about my DS being upset that his after school club was being cancelled till new year (an outdoor club at that).

I speculated on a friends post that schools may close early for Xmas again. But in a very innocuous way.

DS head (primary) has emailed me asking to call him about a social media post that's been brought to my attention. I've emailed back saying I'm really busy in work (I am) and can he email me his query.

' No' he emailed. 'Ring me In January!!!!'

I'm now so anxious about what he wants. I'm even nervous to post here in case his spies are out. I can't see what it could be as my rants are all on locked groups.

DH says ignore or just tell him my posts are personal to me and nothing to do with him.

Can anyone give me some reassurance?

Don't worry about it. And he can't summon you to call him, you aren't a pupil at the school ffs! Who the fuck does he think he is!

Personally I would write back saying that if he wants to discuss something with you he can call you, email or write. Put the ball back firmly back in his court. And you have nothing to worry about. You can say what you like as long as it's true. The school can't dictate what you do or say.

I had a similar situation the other day. I emailed my doctor about an admin matter, an administrator confirmed they would sort it. Next thing I know I get a call from the doctors asking me to arrange an appt as the doctor wanted to speak to me about my email. They couldn't/wouldn't give me any further info about it. I simply said that I didn't need an appt to discuss an admin matter and if they wanted to provide further details of what the issue is to let me know. Haven't heard anything else. Ridiculous when they are understaffed and people are desperate for appts about, you know, medical matters!

Just call him and get it out of the way.
Then come back and update us!

I can understand being reluctant to speak to him, but ‘terrified’ leads me to wonder how far you went with your rant. Did you call him a dickhead, for example?

I felt the group was a safe space to discuss issues. I had no idea someone would screenshot my post. The group is a national closed group dedicated to getting schools back to normal after the pandemic. I did not name the school nor the head nor any member of staff. I did call the head the 'dementor head' I feel the head takes things way to far to keep everyone safe. He closed football club yet all the other schools continue to hold it and run after school tournaments. My son is a talented footballer and would benefit from playing in these tournaments but our school has to go one further and close down sports for the children.

That's literally all I could think he's steaming about.

Can a school actually do anything about a parent making disparaging social media posts about them and the school publicly?

Call the school, do it with your DH and put him on speaker phone. Hold hands.

You can do it.

We are all behind you!

But it could be about something else altogether you know.

Not saying what you said was disparaging OP, I mean generally. Some parents at our school come out with some really offensive corkers about how shocking the school is and insulting about various teachers / the head and I’m sure nothing has ever happened

I get anxiety but try to stay calm. What's he going to do? Put you in detention? Make you write lines?

He is not your teacher. He is not your boss. He has no authority over you. Send him back an email like the one above asking for his question in writing and letting him know you won't be calling him.

If you are concerned about your child missing out on opportunities because of school policy the only productive way of dealing with that is to discuss it with the school. I know this is hard because of your anxiety but you the only way to really work through anxiety is to face those things you find hard.

I mean 'dementor head' is a bit disparaging but how did he know it was him unless he is a dementor?! As you didn't name him it's absolutely none of his business what you say.

I wouldn't worry about it. Unless you've said something abusive or targeting an individual them it's up to you what you post on social media. He's not your headmaster! It may be that he's seen the post and wants fo see if he can resolve the issue. But it's up to him to contact you if he wants fo speak to you.

Oh I've just seen you called him the 'dementor head' 🤣 That made me laugh.

Dementor head!

I did call the head the 'dementor head'

Probably what he wants a chat about. I think it would have been helpful to open with that.

He's just doing what he should: a parent has posted concerns and pejorative comments on SM and he's calling to address the issue with you. The suggestion above that he should try to have a nuanced conversation over email is ridiculous.

Apologise for the comment, he will understand that everyone is stressed at the mo.

Next time call the school if you have something on your mind. Being a headteacher is probably the worst job in the world at the mo, most schools are in meltdown.

@MrsArchchancellorRidcully

Thanks but I am terrified. I want to ignore it.

I said nothing on public fb. I moaned about the head removing an outdoor activity for my DS due to covid but that was in a private closed group. Unless he has a spy??

Even if he has a spy in there, you have every right to comment about the group being closed (as long as it wasn't along the lins of "That effing *rsehole of a HT"etc)

Your son is upset because the group has closed down - obviously you will remark on it.

From what he said about waiting until January, it has to be trivial.

If it wasn't, he'd expect things to be sorted out asap. So try to stop worrying.

Surely you know that no social media group is private? Let alone a large group which is presumably full of people you don’t know. I find it worrying that adults don’t understand this very basic thing.
He said January because you told him you were very busy, he is letting you know that he wants to speak to you and is happy to wait to do it.
Just call him, let him moan and apologise and say you won’t do it again.

Go back to him and tell him you are not prepared to wait until January and he either accepts your call at xx time on yy date being in your lunch hour or you will assume he no longer needs to speak to you

Closed groups aren’t private any more - Facebook changed this a couple of weeks ago.

OMG well yeah, I'd be a little bit more sheepish, perhaps. Never write anything down you'd not be prepared to say to their face.

Did you name the person or the school?

Nonetheless let him spell it out, and apologise if you wish. "I do apologise I was most frustrated" Over email. Or, just edit your post.

@SparrowBird

Closed groups aren’t private any more - Facebook changed this a couple of weeks ago.

That said - don’t rant on Facebook no matter who you think can or can’t see it!

@MrsArchchancellorRidcully

I felt the group was a safe space to discuss issues. I had no idea someone would screenshot my post. The group is a national closed group dedicated to getting schools back to normal after the pandemic. I did not name the school nor the head nor any member of staff. I did call the head the 'dementor head' I feel the head takes things way to far to keep everyone safe. He closed football club yet all the other schools continue to hold it and run after school tournaments. My son is a talented footballer and would benefit from playing in these tournaments but our school has to go one further and close down sports for the children.

That's literally all I could think he's steaming about.

"I had no idea` someone would screenshot my post" "The group is a NATIONAL closed group"

I find is truly scarey that people use social media without having an idea of how it works....

I would also ignore it. He won't be able to do anything about it. (Speaking as a teacher!) Parents always moan on social media!

I did call the head the 'dementor head'

Yikes, I didn’t see this.

Why do you think it’s ok to talk about someone in this way on a public forum?

He has every right to want to speak with you (not email!). You have been incredibly rude to and about him.

It doesn't matter what you call him if he and the school are not identifiable.

But if you used your real name, it only takes one other person to know you (and be a snitch) and you're stuffed.

If it's a forum moaning about Covid restrictions in schools, I'm not surprised that someone from within the school is watching it.