DS head teacher making my anxiety sky rocket

[MrsArchchancellorRidcully]

I'll try to keep this brief. I am a member of a private closed group on fb. I use it to let of steam and rant about stuff that I'd never put on main fb. My account is private but I occasionally post on public groups but keep things very blasé.

I ranted on the private group about my DS being upset that his after school club was being cancelled till new year (an outdoor club at that).

I speculated on a friends post that schools may close early for Xmas again. But in a very innocuous way.

DS head (primary) has emailed me asking to call him about a social media post that's been brought to my attention. I've emailed back saying I'm really busy in work (I am) and can he email me his query.

' No' he emailed. 'Ring me In January!!!!'

I'm now so anxious about what he wants. I'm even nervous to post here in case his spies are out. I can't see what it could be as my rants are all on locked groups.

DH says ignore or just tell him my posts are personal to me and nothing to do with him.

Can anyone give me some reassurance?

Just say facebook autocorrected director to dementor. Job done.

Just notice this is in the 'mental health' section, I had clicked on it on the sidebar. Ignore the sarcastic tone in my previous post. Remember, though, that nothing you write on the internet is private, and that most schools (all?) will have a social media policy which families agree to during enrolment.

You made it personal, by referring to the Head Teacher, who will undoubtedly not have made that decision himself - but instead be taking instruction from elsewhere.

@AliceMcK - are you so aggressive to everyone you encounter?

@AliceMcK

He has no right to demand you call him. My response would be:

Dear DickHEAD,

I am not sure if that last email was meant for me, if so I find your response extremely inappropriate and unprofessional. I have asked if you wish to discuss something with me to put it in writing, I do not see this as unreasonable.

If you have something to discuss with me regarding my child please put everything in writing so I can keep a record of it.

As for social media, I wasn’t aware I had posted anything in any of the schools social media forums, can you please let me know what you are referring to so I can check, again I ask for this to be done in writing.

If you do not wish to respond in writing, can you please explain why?

I’d also cc the chair of governors in the email and your DH too so he will have no option but to respond appropriately.

Do not let him bully you, he is the head teacher at your child’s school nothing more, he has no right to tell you off about anything.

Yeah, she should do all of that if she wants all the staff to think she’s an absolute wanker Christ alive, cc in the chair of governors?

I just told the new head flat out when I moved my kids' school (various reasons - handling of Covid plus rampant bullying and shit SEN provision) that yes, I was one of those UsForThem parents and was very much likely to grumble if the kids were being collateral damage to the cause of Covid again and that I was really really annoyed with the teaching unions.

He looked quite relieved to have someone come out and say it all and not just be terrified and demanding more restrictions. I've taken measures he implemented that weren't according to national guidance up with him and we've had a very civilised chat with it where he was going to seek clarification with the LEA (their guidance was contradicting). The openness and willingness to discuss things was one of the big reasons we picked that school to transfer the kids to - and the fact that their website newsletters were as minimal covid as possible and their focus was on keeping things as normal and happy for the kids as possible.

@ChonkyDonkey

Just say facebook autocorrected director to dementor. Job done.

EXCELLENT.

But seriously. There is nothing wrong with a polite email saying that you will only discuss a potential concern in writing, and don't think it's apporpriate to tackle on the phone.

@AliceMcK

He has no right to demand you call him. My response would be:

Dear DickHEAD,

I am not sure if that last email was meant for me, if so I find your response extremely inappropriate and unprofessional. I have asked if you wish to discuss something with me to put it in writing, I do not see this as unreasonable.

If you have something to discuss with me regarding my child please put everything in writing so I can keep a record of it.

As for social media, I wasn’t aware I had posted anything in any of the schools social media forums, can you please let me know what you are referring to so I can check, again I ask for this to be done in writing.

If you do not wish to respond in writing, can you please explain why?

I’d also cc the chair of governors in the email and your DH too so he will have no option but to respond appropriately.

Do not let him bully you, he is the head teacher at your child’s school nothing more, he has no right to tell you off about anything.

Christ, how do people like this function in everyday life?

There is nothing to indicate he wants to tell OP off. All the nutters like PP are doing is stoking OP's fears, it's quite cruel.

@MrsArchchancellorRidcully

Thanks but I am terrified. I want to ignore it.

I said nothing on public fb. I moaned about the head removing an outdoor activity for my DS due to covid but that was in a private closed group. Unless he has a spy??

Of course any private group has "spies" You don't know who everyone is Don't get personal at all

If he doesn't want to talk til Jan
It cannot be that bad
But steer off ranting on any group from now

I doubt it’s anything all that serious. It sounds like an informal chat from that message.
Having said that nothing on Facebook is really private - I’d say more or less is true of Mumsnet too.
Possibly don’t write anything online you would want read out to the person or read out at your funeral!

Why do you have to rant so much,about school things.to other people.

@RobinPenguins what is wrong with cc’ing the chair of governors? The HT sounds like a complete bully, he’s demanding the op phone him and refusing to put anything in writing, why do you think that is? It’s because he dosnt want a record of what he has to say on file. If he has nothing to hide he should put it in writing. If he’s acting inappropriately then his boss should know, and his boss is the chair of governors.

@MrsArchchancellorRidcully just to say we’ve been told that all football clubs at our si have been cancelled, bidding to do with Covid though. Everything to do with so many fixtures to catch up on they can't fit in normal club/training too.

Could it be something similar, he's just ringing to give you background on why it's been called off

OP Could it be that he wanted to explain his decision and discuss how upset your son would be and how upset you are?

Rather than it being a telling off? Maybe people were concerned for you?

That might explain the ‘it can wait till January’ part.

[quote AliceMcK]@RobinPenguins what is wrong with cc’ing the chair of governors? The HT sounds like a complete bully, he’s demanding the op phone him and refusing to put anything in writing, why do you think that is? It’s because he dosnt want a record of what he has to say on file. If he has nothing to hide he should put it in writing. If he’s acting inappropriately then his boss should know, and his boss is the chair of governors.[/quote]
Because it’s completely passive aggressive and unnecessary. If I cc’d in the boss of every person I ever had an interaction with at work that I wasn’t totally happen with I wouldn’t get very far. It’s running to tell someone’s boss because you can’t take ownership and tackle something yourself.

It really might be nothing at all, but of course that's easy for me to say.

I would write back and say that because of a health condition, you are not available for a phone call and could he kindly address the issue in an email/in writing.

I dunno, if the OP really is a parent governor at the school ccing the Chair of Governors in might be entirely appropriate. I'm sure the whole board would be interested.

Is this a wind up?

You're brave enough to call the head names and denigrate the school on social media but you don't have the courage to have a conversation with him?

Guess what, there's no such thing as privacy on social media so although you thought your insults would go undetected that's not the case.

I was once in a school meeting where head proceeded to produce a print out of the conversation on the class whatsapp group, and highlighted where some people (luckily not me!) had said unacceptable things about the school..... So I would never post anything about a school which could be traced back to me, except to very close friends!

I'm sympathetic to your anxiety but is it true that you're a governor and that you've been criticising your school instead of talking to the head? In that position, anxiety ir not, I think you owe him the courtesy of ringing him.

@RobinPenguins the op has tried to deal with it, she has asked him to put what he wants to talk to her about in writing, his response is No! If he cant put it in writing then what’s he hiding? If he reasons are perfectly innocent then he won’t have any problems with the COGs being ccd in.

He’s not putting it in writing because he knows full well that ops fb posts are none of his business.

[quote AliceMcK]@RobinPenguins the op has tried to deal with it, she has asked him to put what he wants to talk to her about in writing, his response is No! If he cant put it in writing then what’s he hiding? If he reasons are perfectly innocent then he won’t have any problems with the COGs being ccd in.

He’s not putting it in writing because he knows full well that ops fb posts are none of his business.[/quote]
But if she's a governor and she's been criticising the school, is it really a big thing for her to speak directly to the head?

@madisonbridges

I'm sympathetic to your anxiety but is it true that you're a governor and that you've been criticising your school instead of talking to the head? In that position, anxiety ir not, I think you owe him the courtesy of ringing him.

Is the OP a school governor? I completely missed that.

In that case I fully take me previous responses back. Op should definitely not be slagging the school or HT off even in what she deems private groups. As a school governor she should definitely be communicating with the HT, if she’s unable to do that and feels so strongly about the way the HT is running things she’s no business being a governor.

@madisonbridges just cross posted. I hadn’t seen she was a governor.