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Original poster

DS head teacher making my anxiety sky rocket

317 replies

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 09/12/2021 11:50

I'll try to keep this brief. I am a member of a private closed group on fb. I use it to let of steam and rant about stuff that I'd never put on main fb. My account is private but I occasionally post on public groups but keep things very blasé.

I ranted on the private group about my DS being upset that his after school club was being cancelled till new year (an outdoor club at that).

I speculated on a friends post that schools may close early for Xmas again. But in a very innocuous way.

DS head (primary) has emailed me asking to call him about a social media post that's been brought to my attention. I've emailed back saying I'm really busy in work (I am) and can he email me his query.

' No' he emailed. 'Ring me In January!!!!'

I'm now so anxious about what he wants. I'm even nervous to post here in case his spies are out. I can't see what it could be as my rants are all on locked groups.

DH says ignore or just tell him my posts are personal to me and nothing to do with him.

Can anyone give me some reassurance?

OP posts:
Lasair · 09/12/2021 13:41

If you have time to post on here do you not have time to call him?

Tal45 · 09/12/2021 13:45

I wouldn't phone him, why should you? It's not up to him to police your private accounts. Why don't you reply,

'I'm very sorry Mr X but I will again be very busy in January during school hours however if you would like to email me outlining the issue then I will respond as soon as I am able, many thanks.'

Balls firmly back in his court again then.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 09/12/2021 13:47

Just call him. What a lot of drama over nothing. Pretty poor form criticising school publicly with no right to reply. Even if you don’t mention the school, if people on the group know you they will know which school. Also, no private group is private - screen shots are regularly shared with schools. I work in a hospital and often get sent private fb posts that others deem inappropriate - sometimes sent in by family members. It’s really shocking. Rather than discipline the staff, I usually have a quiet word reminding them it’s not private.

Dd is 13 and knows to use social media in a way that if her head teacher read her messages she wouldn’t be embarrassed. Sounds like you need that lesson.

Tal45 · 09/12/2021 13:55

[quote WarmWinterSun]@Arethechildreninbedyet

I don't see his message as a petty power play. I think it makes good sense to find a time to speak to a parent if an issue arises. It's really easy to get the tone wrong over email. It must be incredibly difficult running a school and even more so at the moment. Part of the head's role is to manage relationships with parents and the best way to do this is by talking to them.

I hope the OP doesn't follow this advice as it seems oddly defensive.[/quote]
It's really not that hard to get the tone right in an email if you reply politely and stick to the facts. 'No. Ring me in January' is just downright rude by anyone's standards.

If a parent wants to speak to him then of course he should make time for them, but parents shouldn't be having to make time to speak to him over things said in a private group. I agree with WWS, it's petty power play IMO by a domineering man who likes women to do things his way. I bet he wouldn't have written that reply to a dad.

Neighneigh · 09/12/2021 14:05

Honestly in a very kind way op, if the Head felt this was super important you'd have had a call from him.

More likely than not he will say we do not appreciate parents discussing school matters on social media. And you can say ok thanks have a good Christmas. And it will be over in two minutes and you'll be fine.

LuluBlakey1 · 09/12/2021 14:09

The worst that can happen is he will ask you not to post anything about being unhappy about the school and to ring him and speak to him about it instead.

Just contact him- it'll be over and done with in 5 mins.

thedefinitionofmadness · 09/12/2021 14:10

I'd email him and say you are not available for phone calls, anything he wants to say he can put in writing. Who does he think he is, and why are you terrified?

bedheadedzombie · 09/12/2021 14:12

' No' he emailed. 'Ring me In January!!!!'

No, that doesn't work for me. Please email me if you have a question. Kind regards,

Lou98 · 09/12/2021 14:15

Are you sure he's not just phoning to discuss the reasons for stopping the after school club etc since you're not happy?

I understand the anxiety, it is horrible but unfortunately the only way it is going to get better is to phone the head now instead of waiting until January or you'll be worrying about it all Christmas.
Do you have a partner/husband that could phone for you?

Original poster
MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 09/12/2021 14:15

@thedefinitionofmadness

I'd email him and say you are not available for phone calls, anything he wants to say he can put in writing. Who does he think he is, and why are you terrified?
Thanks. I wish I had your courage. I've always had several anxiety over phoning someone. When texting was invented I was delighted.

And it's not a big deal to phone I know. I am just so scared of it.

The group I'm in is a large national one and, as far as I'm aware? Has no one in it from the school. It's a support group. No links at all to school. Sigh. It's all very stressful

OP posts:
CoastalWave · 09/12/2021 14:15

Been there. I deleted 100+ people off my FB who had connections to my child's school as TWICE i was reported for putting something on my own private FB (not even calling the school)

I don't trust school mums at all.

Have it out with him. I was furious with the school's deputy head for actually listening to the drivel off two particular mums. Nasty snoopers.

Do not let this go on after today. Nip it in the bud. You've done nothing wrong.

EmmaWoodhousestreehouse · 09/12/2021 14:18

@MrsArchchancellorRidcully

Thanks but I am terrified. I want to ignore it.

I said nothing on public fb. I moaned about the head removing an outdoor activity for my DS due to covid but that was in a private closed group. Unless he has a spy??

I don’t there’s any such thing as a closed group. All it takes is one viewer to report back what you’ve said.
sadpapercourtesan · 09/12/2021 14:18

I had somebody on MN "report" me to the school for posting about my child's difficulties there. I hadn't named the school. It was a bit awkward, but the Head agreed that it was absolutely none of his business. Not quite the drama the gleeful tell-tale was hoping for.

Stay calm, don't allow anyone to put you on the back foot or talk down to you. You've done nothing wrong. The Head has no right to demand that you "ring in January" - be polite, but assertive.

ClaudiaWankleman · 09/12/2021 14:19

I'd just never ring. What, in reality, would actually happen?

Alltheblue · 09/12/2021 14:22

Don't you realise how easy it is for someone in the group to take a screenshot and send it to someone at the school? Why are you even doing this?

Yellow85 · 09/12/2021 14:24
  1. He sounds like a dick
  2. There no such thing as secure on Facebook
  3. You’re a grown ass woman - he’s not your headteacher. Have an adult chat.

I totally get it. I have to remind myself of the above as my kids head has a way of making me feel like the child.

Abraxan · 09/12/2021 14:26

I ranted on the private group about my DS being upset that his after school club was being cancelled till new year (an outdoor club at that).

This would be against our 'parental use of social media regarding school' policy, unless you had already gone through the proper channels to make a complaint or raise your issues. Our headteacher would be wanting to meet you to discuss the issue, especially if it was a post naming and shaming.

Abraxan · 09/12/2021 14:27

@MrsArchchancellorRidcully

Thanks but I am terrified. I want to ignore it.

I said nothing on public fb. I moaned about the head removing an outdoor activity for my DS due to covid but that was in a private closed group. Unless he has a spy??

Which would suggest he has had a message from another person within the group regarding it perhaps. So not really private.
FictionalCharacter · 09/12/2021 14:28

Ignore him. He can’t order you to ring him in January or any other time. He isn’t your boss.

sadpapercourtesan · 09/12/2021 14:29

@Abraxan "This would be against our 'parental use of social media regarding school' policy"

That's very much a you problem. Schools don't have authority over parents' use of support forums, and neither should they.

Skeumorph · 09/12/2021 14:29

Hi Head, thanks for your reply. If there is an issue to discuss, I would much rather it be dealt with in writing, and I'm sure that would be better for the school's policies too? Please email through your query and I will respond as soon as I can. Many thanks, X

Skeumorph · 09/12/2021 14:30

Oh and, cheeky entitled ManBossHead!

No to phone calls. He not boss of you Grin

plus... my first thought - as above - he wants you on the phone so he can be unpleasant and domineering and tell off the little woman. So - no.

You got a problem - you put it in writing!

thedefinitionofmadness · 09/12/2021 14:34

[quote sadpapercourtesan]@Abraxan "This would be against our 'parental use of social media regarding school' policy"

That's very much a you problem. Schools don't have authority over parents' use of support forums, and neither should they.[/quote]
100% this unless it is defamatory against an individual.

saraclara · 09/12/2021 14:39

If this was on a national private group and you didn't name the school, he has absolutely nothing to berate you about. No-one in the group (except, apparently some random that he knows) would have known where you were talking about. And it's no different to you chatting to a group of people in the pub about the issue.

You did not bring the school into disrepute in any way if you didn't name it, so keep your cool and make it clear that he has no cause to be annoyed by it.

SmolCat · 09/12/2021 14:40

There’s really no such thing as ‘private’ social media.

I agree with PP who said it depends how you worded your post.