What would happen if I didn’t collect DS from after school club?

[Confusedandtired21]

Just that really? Due to be collected before 6pm
I feel beyond able to cope with life at the moment. I have Adhd, asd and bipolar. No one can help so that’s that! So if I didn’t collect him what would happen to him. Would children’s services just get involved? I don’t want this for him but I feel like I don’t have much options left. He’s not hard work or anything, he’s a lovely boy which makes this even harder. I just think he’s he would better off in a different situation with someone other than me

I think that’s a good plan.

You’re vulnerable and it’s ok to show people that.

OP please stay strong and remember, one day at a time. I hope things feel better. Your kids love you and we're all rooting for you. Please don't hurt yourself. Please 🙏🏽
Sending hugs 🤗

@Confusedandtired21

Ellielucy think I’m just getting a bit impatient. Been trying to stabilise moods etc since feb. Started on aripiprazole which made me restless and tipped my anxiety into paranoia, and that doesn’t seem to have ever left since, even since stopping the medication, then been on lithium since June and still no better. I actually feel like I’ve been worse since trying bipolar meds. I honestly actually feel like bipolar is a misdiagnosis, but I suppose I’m not an expert, but the Adhd coach who I spoke to who I’ve booked in with said it’s so common for women with adhd/asd to be misdiagnosed with bipolar or borderline. So makes me wonder.

Hi OP. My DD is bipolar and ASD and possibly ADHD. She's under a top psychiatrist in London who can't/won't diagnose her with ADHD or not until he's treated the bipolar.

This may be too much to take on board now so perhaps bookmark this for another time, but he's done genetic testing on DD and she doesn't process the thyroid hormone in her brain. This is what's causing the mood shifts and so he's treating her with thyroxine to redress the thyroid imbalance in her brain. There is lots of published research on this and I can give you links for your MH team, if you like. He speaks at world conferences about this.

Meanwhile, antidepressants are definitely contraindicated in bipolar. They increase the mania/agitation and make things worse. So I'm glad that the people looking after you aren't going down that route.

I see how debilitated DD is and have a lot of respect for you and everything you're dealing with. If there is any way at all of borrowing or obtaining a lump sum, I would definitely recommend our psychiatrist but he is unfortunately very expensive. We have literally spent 10s of thousands trying to get DD better.

Well half an hour till children’s services are here, omg.

Wow OP, I've just read the whole thread and you are so flipping strong I can't even put it into words! Handhold for today

Not feeling very strong right now really. Times dragging.

Oh OP, I’ve just read my way through all this thread and I’m on the brink of tears on your behalf. I can sympathise so much…that horrible feeling of “I can’t do this, I have to let it slide”, but not being able to. Autistic here, and the times I’ve just wished I could jump on a train and disappear into the sunset, because of the relentless burden, even though objectively my kids are wonderful and I love them.

crackofdoom ❤️ Shit isn’t it

Well children’s services have just left, and haven’t taken my kids after all! Lol. She was very nice

Yeah your stuck with them 😁 one of my colleagues always says she’ll pay anyone who’d take hers. She’s had no offers.

Guess I am stuck with them! And yes, I’ve had no offers either strangely enough

Op I've just come across your thread and I just wanted to say that I'm in awe of you and how your handling this.
I realise I don't know you, but the differences in the tone of your messages from the start of the thread to now are unbelievable. You appear to have come such a long way already.
Your so strong for reaching out for help and please don't ever underestimate how much your kids love and need you, even if you can't see or feel it at the time. Keep going we're all here cheering you on.

How did the meeting go?

Bunce1 it went ok, she said I was doing great. She’ll come to speak to the kids tomorrow but said that they just wanted to see what support they could put in place and had absolutely no intentions of taking my kids away.
She asked me if I have any safety plans, any support from family/friends etc, erm she asked if I’d ever had any help with the grooming. She didn’t even look round the house which I thought she would do, did all the cleaning for nothing!
I did do my usual downplaying routine though, I said I’m fine 🙄 but I’m sure she could see through that if she wanted to. Well no, actually I did try saying that actually no I’m not fine really, and that I feel overwhelmed, that’s when she said I’m doing great. I just struggle expressing things, but I did tell her that.

Oh she also asked what meds I’m on and what mental health Input I have, and asked about how I’m coping with the kids and camhs etc.

Oh and asked how often my mood goes low, I told her this year most of the time.

That all sounds quite positive, I wonder though if this might resonate with you..

When I am feeling low, I'll say to my friend "oh I feel terrible, I'm too shouty with the kids, I am not patient", and they will say something like- you're a great mum, your kids are lovely.

And in that exchange sometimes I do not feel "heard" and I know they are not trying to minimize my feelings, but sometimes I think- no don't reassure me! I want you to say yes it is all a bit shit. But of course they wouldn't say that as it isn't helpful or kind!

So its great you are being so honest. But also feel assured that although they are saying you're doing great, they mean that and they are seeing the good, but they are also listening to you and hearing to what you are telling them. Does that make sense?

Hopefully the end result of all this is that you'll end up with some extra support. Which would be fantastic.

I’m not much use in terms of lpractical help but I really want to say that I think you’re doing the absolute best you can do. And that is good enough. You’re kids aren’t coming to any harm. Your house is untidy, but that’s fine. My house was very untidy, much more than yours, when my kids were growing up. An untidy house doesn’t do kids any harm.
Having said that I think it’s great that you’re getting on top of things because it will help with your mental health. Just don’t beat yourself up about it.
Thinking of you

All that sounded a bit crap. What I posted before.
We’re here for you. Please come back whenever you need.

Sorry to derail your thread OP and I’m glad things are improving. But I am hoping that @BonnesVacances can please send me details of her DD’s private psychiatrist in London! I would be so grateful - I have bipolar disorder and thyroid problems and would be keen to speak to someone knowledgeable about both, my parents are also desperate to help me with it.

@Kyliealwayshadthebestdisco

Sorry to derail your thread OP and I’m glad things are improving. But I am hoping that *@BonnesVacances* can please send me details of her DD’s private psychiatrist in London! I would be so grateful - I have bipolar disorder and thyroid problems and would be keen to speak to someone knowledgeable about both, my parents are also desperate to help me with it.

Yes will do.

Nevercloser the house is actually tidy now thankfully! (Well apart from the 15 year olds room, but he’s definitely going to be doing his room himself!)

I’m worrying now that the social worker was just being fake nice today and that actually this might still not turn out well!
But I’m going to just try and not worry about it as it’s not going to help.

Kids in care costs a fortune. Social services have a budget, they don't want your kids! Or anyones kids, unless absolutely necessary.

You're looking after them fine, but you're not coping yourself. So they're looking at ways to help you cope, that's what all those questions were for. So you don't get to the point of feeling as if you have to harm yourself because you can't cope with the DC as well as trying to look after yourself, ever again.

Maybe you'll get counsellor for the grooming. Maybe they'll prioritise your 15yr olds ADHD assessment, not because his health situation is an emergency, but because you're struggling, so helping him helps you and the family stays together. It's not that people can't do anything to help you, it's that often you don't qualify for that help until you're at crisis point.

This is in their best interests as well as yours and DC's, because if you end up in hospital or worse, the morgue, social services will have to sort out the DC, which will cost them loads.

Ellielucy hope so!
And Xmas has arrived! There’s no point to this post other than I’m feeling dead proud of the turn around from chaos to order! 😅
(Yes I know the decs are tacky, but they make us happy!)
Can’t wait for the kids to get home!