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Original poster

What would happen if I didn’t collect DS from after school club?

465 replies

Confusedandtired21 · 24/11/2021 17:15

Just that really? Due to be collected before 6pm
I feel beyond able to cope with life at the moment. I have Adhd, asd and bipolar. No one can help so that’s that! So if I didn’t collect him what would happen to him. Would children’s services just get involved? I don’t want this for him but I feel like I don’t have much options left. He’s not hard work or anything, he’s a lovely boy which makes this even harder. I just think he’s he would better off in a different situation with someone other than me

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Original poster
Confusedandtired21 · 27/11/2021 21:05

Ellielucy my kids were in bed asleep at the time but the police wanted me to wake them up and drop them off at a friends or family members, I said I wasn’t doing that as it was 2 am (and I hadn’t actually gone through with anything and I probably wouldn’t have) so In the end I got my sis to come round here to watch them while I went with the police.

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EllieLucy · 27/11/2021 21:09

@Confusedandtired21

I’m worried about the message I sent them now, makes me sound a bit unstable. And I mentioned alcohol so that’s another thing that won’t look well. Basically I use alcohol during the times I don’t cope, not all day or anything and not all that often but just on the really really bad days. It slows my brain down, other times numbs feelings etc. But I imagine this isn’t going to look good also.
It's important everyone involved in your care knows this type of stuff. There's nothing wrong with appearing unstable when you were unstable! If you appear like everything is fine, they think you don't need any help.

Same with the alcohol, it's a situation that tells them you need help at certain times. It's worth telling them if it's true that you would prefer not to use alcohol this way, they might be able to give you anxiety pills for occasional use or a phone number to text when things get really bad, for example. If you don't mention that, they might think you're happy to use alcohol this way and just make a note of it in your file, but not try to do anything about it.

EllieLucy · 27/11/2021 21:17

@Confusedandtired21

Ellielucy my kids were in bed asleep at the time but the police wanted me to wake them up and drop them off at a friends or family members, I said I wasn’t doing that as it was 2 am (and I hadn’t actually gone through with anything and I probably wouldn’t have) so In the end I got my sis to come round here to watch them while I went with the police.
There you are then, the had nothing to report you to childrens services for. The DC were fine and being cared for, even in your darkest moment you made sure they were safe. It's good you have a sister that's willing to help with emergency too.

You could make an emergency box. In an old shoe box maybe. You can tell your DC where it is so they can fetch it anytime if they think you need help. The suggestion from previous poster about how to cope, a list of what makes you feel better. Or a list of how to clean the house (so you don't have to think about it, you just read the next task and do it). Or a list of helpful people phone numbers. If you're not good with what to say you could write a basic script eg I'm having an emergency crisis and I don't feel safe, please call me (or whatever you think is good to send). Then when you don't know what to say you can copy it and send the text.

BiLuminous · 27/11/2021 21:18

Op i've been where you are, to the point your posts are triggery ( i can handle it) because your thoughts are so familiar. I did get better and I believe you can too. Im listening to my kids create chaos right now and I no longer feel indifferent towards them like I did then. I dont recognise the person in crisis. I didnt want my kids at the time, I tried to give them up. The idea seems alien to me now.
You need to be as honest and as open as you can be with services. Its ok to write it if you cant say it. Its so hard dealing with your mh and the exhaustion of being a mum to kids with additional needs.

Who had your kids when you were an inpatient?

Original poster
Confusedandtired21 · 27/11/2021 21:20

Ellielucy they don’t think it’s ok for me to use alcohol in this way, the psych from home based treatment team prescribed diazepam as I told him I had started using alcohol to be able to do the school run and he felt diazepam was safer than alcohol. Unfortunately diazepam does absolutely nothing for me,neither does lorazepam. I may as well have been popping smarties! I had the home treatment team coming doing the afternoon school run with me from June till the end of term. I couldn’t leave the house walking past neighbours. Stupid isn’t it!

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Original poster
Confusedandtired21 · 27/11/2021 21:22

My cpn was changed a bit ago and I’ve only met my new cpn twice. I last saw her last Friday and she told me I was talking very fast and had a lot of ideas and needed to slow down as I was going to crash, but I didn’t listen as I felt great! But now here we are! So now I don’t feel like I can call her because she’ll be thinking “I told you so” 😳

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Mjjbgfessrgb · 27/11/2021 21:24

@Confusedandtired21

user33323 I do feel a lot brighter actually, maybe because I actually did something to make things better! The headphones is a good idea but I still worry about responding even with earphones in and them thinking I can’t hear them. Weird I know.
Could you get some massive wireless headphones so it's really obvious you're wearing them?
Original poster
Confusedandtired21 · 27/11/2021 21:25

I’m seeing my cpn again this Friday anyway.

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EllieLucy · 27/11/2021 21:28

I didn't mean they would think alcohol is ok, but that they might think you thought it was ok. Bit I wouldnt worry it sounds like you've talked to them about it and how you feel about it.

It's not stupid, the fear of going out, it is where your brain is at. You can't help the way you are. Maybe it will improve over time and maybe it won't. Nobody is perfect, everyone has flaws and things they're not good at, as well as things they're brilliant at.

Tell them about the diazepam and lorazepam not working for you, if you haven't already, there's other anxiety drugs they can try instead. The ones they tried first might be the most usual, but it's fine if you're unusual and need something different. They're medical professionals, it's their job to figure it out.

EllieLucy · 27/11/2021 21:33

Of course you can call the CPN. Don't worry about what she thinks of you, that doesn't matter, although I don't suppose she'll be thinking anything bad anyway. She's there to help you, so ask her for help if you need to. Don't ever let embarrassment stop you from asking for help.

Original poster
Confusedandtired21 · 27/11/2021 21:35

Biluminous I’m sorry that my posts have been triggering ❤️ I really am.
My sisters had my kids between them while I was inpatient but never again! They asked me if it was ok for my 15 year old to stay home alone while I was in hosp, I said absolutely not as he is 15 and also has asd, they said ok, then when I got out my son told me he had been allowed to stay home alone the whole time (and had been worried as he was running out of food and had to crack open the tins of ravioli lol). I was not happy about it at all, I’d have got myself out of there immediately if I knew that was happening. Makes me feel sick thinking about it actually. He has a lot of needs, receives high rate dla etc.
Apparently my 15 year old refused to go with them, but if I’d have known I’d have rang children’s services and made them sort something out.
And it just seems really hard to be completely honest because of, well I’m not sure… pride maybe?
I hate feeling indifferent to my kids, I just feel so irritated all the time, I know I need anti depressants, but no one will give them to me at the moment and just say that anti depressants aren’t helpful in bipolar. But I have a friend with bipolar who’s on 2 anti depressants, so I don’t know how that works.

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Original poster
Confusedandtired21 · 27/11/2021 21:39

Ellielucy thank you for your message. I told them about the diazepam etc, at the moment we are trying pregabalin instead. But I’ve still got a lot of titrating up to do before we see if it works.
I never used to be like this. In 2015 I was doing 2 college courses, working as a TA alongside college etc, gym most days. Personal trainer, driving lessons etc, no anxiety going out, highly functioning. I don’t know what changed!

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EllieLucy · 27/11/2021 21:41

They have to stabilise the moods a bit first before they go adding in things that boost you back up. Otherwise you're back to square one, high as a kite and doing crazy irrational things. It sounds like they've only just started trying to stabilise you. When your moods gets more stable you'll be less depressed anyway. Then the can see if you need antidepressants perhaps. Or maybe they'll wait until you've restarted ADHD meds and see where your head is at, before deciding if you should have them .

EllieLucy · 27/11/2021 21:48

It could have just been bad luck maybe. There's not always a definite reason for mental illness to strike someone. Sometimes it just happens.

That's the whole point, like when people say to someone you've got xyz and your life is good so what have you got to be depressed about? People don't need something to be depressed about, sometimes it just happens. Maybe your conditions are the same and there wasn't a reason for it except purely bad luck.

Needspace21 · 27/11/2021 21:54

My heart goes out to you ♥️. I can only imagine how hard it is as I really struggle with the 10 times a week drop off and pickup of school. That's without the additional stress of adhd etc.

Original poster
Confusedandtired21 · 27/11/2021 22:43

Ellielucy think I’m just getting a bit impatient. Been trying to stabilise moods etc since feb. Started on aripiprazole which made me restless and tipped my anxiety into paranoia, and that doesn’t seem to have ever left since, even since stopping the medication, then been on lithium since June and still no better. I actually feel like I’ve been worse since trying bipolar meds.
I honestly actually feel like bipolar is a misdiagnosis, but I suppose I’m not an expert, but the Adhd coach who I spoke to who I’ve booked in with said it’s so common for women with adhd/asd to be misdiagnosed with bipolar or borderline. So makes me wonder.

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Original poster
Confusedandtired21 · 27/11/2021 22:49

I feel like the bipolar meds are zapping what little dopamine I have up there! Lol

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Missmissmiiiiiiiiisss · 27/11/2021 23:51

Women with ADHD often have cyclical based mood fluctuations. I had a relative misdiagnosed with bipolar when it was extreme PMS plus ADHD.

It’s worth exploring with your doctor.

Original poster
Confusedandtired21 · 28/11/2021 01:57

And I don’t would get a cleaner but Ill have clean for the cleaner lol

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Original poster
Confusedandtired21 · 28/11/2021 02:04

But seriously I think like these messages are really bad and make me look very
Unstable. Do you think they’ll take my kids of me after this

What would happen if I didn’t collect DS from after school club?
What would happen if I didn’t collect DS from after school club?
OP posts:
Bunce1 · 28/11/2021 07:30

I don’t think your kids are going to be taken off you.

Are you 40+? Just wondering if starting HRT might be an option for you? Friends of mine have felt suicidal, paranoid etc and gone on HRT slow release gel patch which has changed their life.

Imissmoominmama · 28/11/2021 07:49

@Bunce1- I started with the patches about 2 months ago because I couldn’t cope with the constant feelings of doom and dread. I’m happy to say that they’ve gone, so it was definitely menopause related.

Vit B supplements also help. I take Feminapause, which also has CBD oil in. It’s very good and well worth the £30 a month it costs me.

user3876483 · 28/11/2021 09:29

@Confusedandtired21

But seriously I think like these messages are really bad and make me look very Unstable. Do you think they’ll take my kids of me after this
Not at all!

You explained your feelings and situation really well.

I think it's great you are taking all the right steps and trying your best to go forward in a positive way.

I'm proud of you OP, you are doing amazing xx

Fluffycloudland77 · 28/11/2021 10:12

They’d be out of a job if everyone was stable. They don’t take kids off people who are actively neglecting them, I don’t think you meet that threshold.

Your the one at risk in all this.

netto · 28/11/2021 10:41

@Confusedandtired21

But seriously I think like these messages are really bad and make me look very Unstable. Do you think they’ll take my kids of me after this
@Confusedandtired21 I work with families who are sometimes involved with social services. I have seen families in big crisis many times and have only known one family where the children were removed, and then only for a week. This involved domestic violence, alcohol and living conditions you can't imagine! Faeces on the floor, takeaway boxes going back weeks, not enough beds for children and no bedding at all.

Your children will not be removed!