My partner is leaving me

[sadandfedup21]

Sorry it's not an AIBU but I'm so down. I have PND and a 6 month old. He's leaving from tomorrow he's just told me. I have no idea how I'm going to get through it alone.

I had a similar shock when my dd was 5 months. It was super tough, but I got through it and am now in a much happier place, 7 years later.

Hang in there OP. It might seem like it's all too much right now, but you can do this. Call the health visitor, they can give you some help, too.

One day at a time OP

Jobs for today:
Make sure all documents are safe where he doesn’t have access
Apply for UC
Apply for CMS

Can you think about going back to work? Start thinking about childminders nursery etc.

Sending hugs you’ll get through this.

Op please update once you have contacted a friend or relative for support so that you and your are safe

He needs to leave ASAP and you need your support network around you.
Why are you letting him call the shots? It's your call.
You need to be well enough for the baby that's your focus OP.
I wish you strength 👍🏼

I hope you’re ok . This will get better. You have a beautiful baby, who loves you so much.

Op... Please phone your friends and family today. Go and see a friend. People given you some great advice on here. Just sending you alot of chocolate and offering you a hand to hold. Xxxxx

So sorry OP, what a terrible shock. As others have said you will get through this but need support. Just take one day at a time. Much love to you and your DD xxx

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real life help and support as well.

We have some more information about postnatal depression here. We also wanted to share Mind’s information with you – it has practical tips on what you can do when you feel like this and where to get urgent help. Maybe take a look and see if there’s anything that might be helpful right now.

Please do think about exploring some of the options in the links above. You might also want to look at Mumsnet's Postnatal health board and our guide on dealing with financial difficulty

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We've moved this thread over to the Mental Health section now.

@Billybagpuss

One day at a time OP

Jobs for today:
Make sure all documents are safe where he doesn’t have access
Apply for UC
Apply for CMS

Can you think about going back to work? Start thinking about childminders nursery etc.

Sending hugs you’ll get through this.

Would agree with this list of jobs.

Aside from 'going back to work'.

Having a child under one IS work in my book.

You will be going through a transition towards being a single parent.

But there are lots of us out there.

One in four parents are single parents.

Don't forget also the helplines gingerbread for single parents.

Also

the relatively new social network for us which is called Frolo and is fab, though I'm still getting to grips with it.

You can do this.

Oh and as if you didn't have enough to do, please, please apply for personal independence payment. It will really help you and you can still work with it. It is not means tested.

The organisation Mind has a legal and welfare support helpline.
It is not easy to get but it will really help you. Give it a go and best of luck

Can you get PIP for PND?

He is a heartless bastard. I suspect there is someone else in the wings which is why he is being so nasty.
I would not arrange any childcare with him unless it's through the proper channels.
Please do contact your family and please do not care if he can hear. You need support and help.
He really should have gone last night, and I don't know why he felt it was ok to stay for another night?
I really hope you are ok op. You've had some really good advice on here and I know everything feels worthless, but you have your child who depends on you. Try and put some of the suggestions into place

So he has now decided he's changed his mind and wants to stay 🤷‍♀️ I'm on such a rollercoaster I've had enough. I've also only had about 2 hrs sleep and can't think straight at all.

It doesn't really matter what he wants. What do you want?

@Stompythedinosaur

It doesn't really matter what he wants. What do you want?

I honestly don't know anymore. He was so nasty to me last night I just don't know how to move forwards . How can he have just remembered that he does love me after all and wants to stay?! How long before he's threatening to leave us again.

Does anyone know why this got moved to mental health? It makes me feel like: upset about partner being a twat = you must be mentally unwell 🤷‍♀️

You said you wanted to end your life. Someone will have reported that post to MN and ask them to move your post to the MH topic.

It's not a judgement

@IcetSUV

You said you wanted to end your life. Someone will have reported that post to MN and ask them to move your post to the MH topic.

I totally regret saying that. I could never leave my baby. Never. I was just so scared and felt so alone.

Oh OP he's a complete mindfuck. He needs to get gone.

Tell him it's too late to change his mind.
Although you're upset , you'll just be waiting for him to do it again.

It doesn't seem like it now , but you will be better off without him I promise.

@sadandfedup21

So he has now decided he's changed his mind and wants to stay 🤷‍♀️ I'm on such a rollercoaster I've had enough. I've also only had about 2 hrs sleep and can't think straight at all.

He is staring the narcissistic abuse cycle of idealise, devalue, discard. He's now going to hope you accept more and more extreme cycles of abuse in return for him not leaving. If you resist and tell him to go he will love bomb and hoover you back in if he can't very quickly find someone else as supply. Only you can stop the cycle.

narcissistabusesupport.com/stages-narcissist-abuse/

@sadandfedup21

Does anyone know why this got moved to mental health? It makes me feel like: upset about partner being a twat = you must be mentally unwell 🤷‍♀️

You could message mnhq and ask them to move it to relationships

As for him, his change of heart means you can be in control and take time rather than being forced to act today.

Start to get everything in order behind the scenes, if you can build up some savings. Then when you are ready if you decide to, you can control the split. I would be disinclined to trust him, why the change of heart, is there an OW who decided she didn’t want someone who could up and leave his wife and baby like that?

@FooFooFloofyFoof

I recognise two of these phrases he's used from the link you sent.

You are an emotional mess; I can’t keep picking up your pieces.

You are crazy, you need help.

I also said today how much I'm struggling with adjusting to being a new mum and how hard it is Etc. He replied "well how do all the other mums manage it then?" So now I'm sure I'm the problem and every other mums cope well.

I'm desperate to check his phone to see if there's someone else but I don't know his passcode