My partner is leaving me

[sadandfedup21]

Sorry it's not an AIBU but I'm so down. I have PND and a 6 month old. He's leaving from tomorrow he's just told me. I have no idea how I'm going to get through it alone.

He also said he wants to "come back to look after the baby" from time to time when I need him. 🤷‍♀️ fucking confused

Wow so noble of him, offering to look after his own child from time to time! What a shit of a man.

Oh I bet. He's spat his dummy out but he'll come and look after the baby from time to time. What like a babysitter?
Or a quick dangle carrot shag?
Makes me so angry for you Op x

Oh love, I am so sorry, what a total and utter twat. You are better off without someone like that in your life but you will need to get your head round that. You have savings and a job to go back to - that is really good. I'd tell him to go if he's going and kick him out tonight if I were you, but you probably don't feel like that. A man who can do this when you are ill and his child is so young is not worth a single tear. You are stronger than you think you are and you will get through this. So many women on here have been where you are and we all think we will never recover, but we do. You can too, you have your wonderful baby and that is true love. x

Put in a claim to CMS tomorrow as it can’t be backdated. If he pays child support without a problem then you can always withdraw it.

Apply to the council for single person discount on council tax.

If his name is on the Tenancy agreement then he is still legally liable to pay until his name is taken off it. Just moving out doesn't change anything. Same with the gas and electric bills.

What do I do. I want to end my life

Can you ring Samaritans now to speak to someone.

@sadandfedup21

What do I do. I want to end my life

Don't. Talk to us or to anyone. Things will get better. The first two weeks are hardest.

Can you also phone a friend or family member who can come over to be with you ? Yes I know it’s the middle of the night but you are obviously feeling desperate and you have a small baby.

giveusashout.org/get-help/

Or text these people if you don't want him hearing a phone call - they are there 24 hours a day

You must be in terrible shock.

Have a strong sweet cup of tea. Do you have any kalms or antihistimines you could take to help you sleep?

Give yourself permission to park all thoughts on this until the morning. Nothing has changed for the next 6 hours. Give yourself permission to sleep and face it in the morning. You WILL get through this.

You will be ok. I know it doesn’t feel like that right now. I was in exactly the same position years ago, not long after my dd was born. I really felt like my whole life was over.

But I made a serious mistake when my husband left - for a long time I hoped he would come back and did the whole “please choose me” thing. It made it all the more traumatic for me. So don’t do that - forget about him and just focus on yourself and your dd.

There's nothing you have to do straight away - CMS and rental contract can wait. Look after yourself and baby, and think about who can help you. You just need one friend or family member. You have your 7000 and you're on maternity leave. Bring baby to your dad or sister if they'll help, it to friends locally.

You sound like you're not used to bring the person who asks for support, but this is the moment to let other people be kind to you. It's not business as usual. If you can't talk to family, you can WhatsApp maybe?

It's like a nightmare when this happens but when you have a refuge, someone else to talk to, it will start to feel better. Then you'll be able to get thoughts and plans in place. Please let yourself ask for help. You'll get through this and come out stronger.

Please put you and your baby first. I hope you're not considering staying away from support because of his relationship with the baby? Fuck him. Move home to live with your DF/sister/friend. Your baby needs her mother to be supported and cared for, that's the most important thing now. When he goes out tomorrow, call them. Get a plan together.

I can't bear men who abandon women and still expect them to dance to their tune. He can figure out how he is going to keep in touch with the baby. And if "from time to time" is his marker, it doesn't sound like he plans to stay in regular contact anyway.

@sadandfedup21

What do I do. I want to end my life

Oh op that's hard. You're in the thick of it and it's looking crap but it's not worth losing your life, your baby needs their mum. Reach out tonight and get some support tomorrow from friends and family. You're going to get through this. I hope you are ok

Your baby needs you...x

@sadandfedup21

I can't tell my mum as she's dead I have a sister and my dad, and a close friend who I can call but don't want to do that right now as I don't want him to overhear

Fuck what he hears. He doesn’t get to devastate your life and then dictate how you cope with it. Do whatever you need to get through. X

Call your family to come around.

You need and deserve their support and as above, bugger what he hears or doesn't, you have no reason to keep this all to yourself.

He needs a wake-up call at best and he can explain himself to the others while he is counting the clock down until tomorrow. If he is going to go, then they can be there to ensure he does and not torment you all night too.

But please call your family to come tonight.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

Can you make a gp appointment in the morning as they may be able to offer help with the shock of this and longer term helle if you need it.

You are so much better off without him but understand you won't feel that now. There are much nicer men out there and you will meet one.

Oh gosh you poor thing.
Just concentrate on looking after yourself and your baby. Good advice regarding benefits in previous posts.

Drink sweet tea and try and eat a little and often. You must be in a dreadful state of shock.
When you experience those suicidal thoughts please try to argue back with positive thoughts. Say out loud to yourself that you will be alright. It may feel silly but might make you feel more stable in mood.
Ring GP to see if you can arrange a consultation to make them aware of the situation.
Phone dad and sister, accept help.
Phone any friends you may have.
And take advice regarding sorting benefits and finances out over the next couple of weeks.
This is so tough for you right now. However GP can prescribe meds for your anxiety and mood if you need that.

Take time to actively look after yourself and your lovely baby.
Do you have many roots/ties in the community you live in at the moment? Could you think about moving back near family for support?

In a different situation, I once felt I would never be happy again and I couldn't accept what had happened. But the grief does eventually lift and one day I was surprised to find myself laughing again. Just hold on to the thought that things will get better and that your baby needs you.

Please call somebody and talk to them. It doesn't matter if he hears. I know your family is too far away to come tonight. Could somebody - your father, your sister, or your friend - come to stay for a couple of days or a week to help you through this?

Can you have some sweet tea and call somebody? You've got a healthy baby (I assume), money in the bank, a job and friends and some family members so you are much better off than some people in your situation.

My husband just up and told me he was leaving me. I was in a country an 8 hour flight from home where I knew next to no one, and I was pregnant though I didn't know it yet.

I didn't try to talk him around. I just kept nodding and making the motions to get myself set up. And it's been 4 years now and I have zero regrets. The first 6-12 months were brutal to get through but you just do, somehow. If you want to move, now is the time to go for it though.

Oh wow, I'm so sorry that you feel this way OP. I'm not surprised you're struggling, it sounds like your DP has served you an absolute shit sandwich.

I'm confused as to why he's hanging around the house..? He's said he's 100% he's leaving, and now he's ignoring you and his child, like an absolute charmer, and yet... He's still there. Why hasn't he fucked off? Where is he planning on going?

Can you please call your friend and tell her what has happened. She could come over or you and baby could go there. I promise you that no friend will mind this phonecall. Please pick up the phone.

What an utter shit of a man. It doesn’t seem like it now OP but you will get through this and you will be stronger and happier for it. Put yourself and the baby first right now. Is there anyone you can call to come round tonight?

If he is leaving then he should leave. Not hang around telling you he doesn’t love you anymore which is just stating the obvious and is nasty and cruel.
He is doing it to see the reaction and getting a kick out of upsetting you

I think the best thing you could do for yourself might be incredibly hard but is to remain calm, pack him a bag and show him the door.

Whilst it might be a huge shock and you feel like it is the worse thing to happen to you now.
In time you will feel so much better

He has already marked you down as being weak and an easy target. He is already saying you won’t be able to cope without him.
Be strong and help him out the door

I know a lot of single parents who are the happiest people I know because of the freedom they enjoy from not having to consult another person about any decision they make.
It is tough but that taste of freedom compared with living with a d**knead husband or partner is so worth it.

It does and will get better.

Thinking of you. The shock is terrible and the practicalities overwhelming. Focus on the next breath. You'll work through it bit by bit. Oh, and don't believe him - you will cope, we all do. You'll be strong, capable and happy but you have this to plod on through first.