My partner is leaving me

[sadandfedup21]

Sorry it's not an AIBU but I'm so down. I have PND and a 6 month old. He's leaving from tomorrow he's just told me. I have no idea how I'm going to get through it alone.

Make sure you have yours and baby’s passports and / or birth certificates, your marriage lines (if you’re married) and access to any shared accounts. If you can move your share of any joint savings tonight, all the better. You can make a claim for UC in the morning.. make sure to tell them that it is a new single claim due to your relationship ending. If you have a copy of his most recent p60, that will be helpful if you need to make a claim to the cms, along with the details of his employer (although don’t delay if you don’t have those, they just speed things up).
I’m sorry you’ve been hit by this and I hope you reach out to your sister or friend. x

I don’t have any good practical advice but I just wanted to send hugs.

@sadandfedup21

Our house is privately rented (joint tenancy) and i can't afford it by myself. I'm also on mat leave right now so have less money. I will sink financially

I'm sorry you don't have your mum.

It's horrible, but I think you should sit down with him and ask him how he expects you to look after his child with reduced income. Bare minimum child support just won't do.

I agree with moving back to be nearer your dad and sister. Having a support network will be invaluable.

Sorry you’re going through this.
It’s devastating when someone leaves, let alone when you have children.

I would say that actually it might help your PND. Not having anyone else’s expectations or needs is a massive relief mentally. You’ll be treading water for a few months but at some point you’ll realise you’ve got through it. Take advantage of the slow days and the little wins is my only advice.

Yes, take what you need for Rent and Food. then half what is left, move your saving to another account NOW.
Who owns the car, if yours take the keys.

I'd ask him to go now tbh.

Sounds like another dickhead man who wants to run away from his obligation to his baby and unwell partner.

I wouldn't worry about ringing family and friends while he can overhear - you don't have anything be be ashamed of here.

Aw. So sorry for you. X

So he has just looked me in the eye and said he doesn't love me anymore and he has 100% made up his mind, he's going.

No joint accounts and we aren't married. I have around 7k in savings in my own account, he has no access to it.

Fuck. What the fuck has just happened to my life

Stay strong

Oh, my love. He might as well go now. As the previous poster said, stay strong. We're all here with you.

@sadandfedup21 I am sorry you’re going through this.

Firstly, take a deep breathe . As many others have said, you will get through this. You and your little girl are the priority here and you will be all she needs. Please don’t blame yourself either, you’ve done nothing wrong.

Do you have a separate room you can possibly stay in tonight given he’s not going until tomorrow? make sure you just gather important documents up like passports etc.

Sending big hugs OP xx

I'm so so sorry to hear this is happening to you OP 6m postpartum can be a really tough time anyway so of course you're scared and worried about the future. You will get through this and you'll surprise yourself with your strength. It's an appalling shitty thing your partner is doing and one way or another he'll get his comeuppance.

But for now you just need to get through it one day at a time. Lean on your friends and family, speak to your GP or HV for support and advice.

Try to get some sleep and good luck

I'm really sorry. I would bet my house he's got someone else, probably someone who's dumping her own partner right now. It's hard to believe it now but you will be happier once this bastard is out of your life.

Any man who can bugger off with one day's notice when his partner has PND and a 6 month old baby is not worth having. How dare he?! It'll be hard for a bit but honestly, your life will be way better without someone like that in it.

I’m so sorry this has happened. I am glad you have some family and friend and £7k savings that is a good start. And a job to return to.

You will need to sort immediate issues of cheaper housing if you can’t afford to take over tenancy. Ask him if he will so you can get your name of it or give notice ASAP. Prioritise finding somewhere affordable for you and your baby. Then consider if you will stay in your current location or consider moving near family for support. I would do the latter if at all feasible. Is your job in a large organisation tgat you could relocate with to an office near home? If not how is the job market in your field, could you get a new one whilst on maternity leave.

So much for you to deal with with a 6 month old as well. I am so sorry, it will be tough but you will get through and hopefully find a partnership with someone who deserves you.

Find out from partner how much he intends on giving you for child support, register with the CMS ASAP as your claim is only backdated to the date you made the claim. You can claim online. They will take months to process it and so try and agree with partner he will pay you from now otherwise he will owe a few a lot by the time they process it. There is an online calculator to work out how much he should pay.

Good luck.

And I say this with experience. My abusive ex twat filed for divorce when our baby was 6 weeks old but refused to leave "his" house (jointly owned). The courts made him leave in the end because of domestic abuse. We thrived after he'd gone and that baby is 18 in February! Apply for child maintenance through the child maintenance service and for universal credit and housing benefit in the morning as you are now officially single. If he says he didn't mean it or gaslight you that you misheard/made it up he's just starting a cycle of narcissistic abuse.

So sorry lovely. He doesn’t sound great having previous form.

Please message your family and friends, tell anyone in real life. Even if they can’t be there physically they can emotionally. Also they’ll know if he starts to become abusive.

@FooFooFloofyFoof

Any man who can bugger off with one day's notice when his partner has PND and a 6 month old baby is not worth having. How dare he?! It'll be hard for a bit but honestly, your life will be way better without someone like that in it.

I agree. My gut feeling is that there is someone else. I’m sorry OP. Stay strong for your little girl, you two are a little team xxx

He also said he wants to "come back to look after the baby" from time to time when I need him. 🤷‍♀️ fucking confused

Don't be confused - he is mucking you about.

He is too pathetic and selfish to be a proper father and is running away.

It is horrible this is happening to you, I am angry for you. But you are better off without this waste of space. No decent man acts this way.

So sorry OP, what an utter shit he is. My ex did this when our youngest was 6 weeks old. I was completely blindsided, not even a whiff of him wanting to leave then boom, bags packed, didn't love me blah blah blah.

Personally I'd tell him he may as well bugger off now.

How utterly shit. I'm sorry OP. And yes, he's banking on you being confused by that vague offer. Don't fall for it and agree to anything whilst you're still in shock.

Did he say where he's actually going though? He must have somewhere lined up which means he's been working up to this without letting on.

It sounds like he has thought it all through and it’s over. You need to focus now on what your next steps are. Please line up a support system of people who care about you. He isn’t worth your time or thoughts now. I went through this and know the pain, desperation and heartache you’re feeling but it WILL get better. You’ll come through this part of your life with strength and confidence. Take care of yourself and your child. ❤️