Health Anxiety - Part 5

[AJ297]

Sorry if someone else was going to do this, I just didn't want to lose you all 😂

@MrsWhites
@argueifnecessary
@tmh88
@Skyliner001
@TheSilentStars
@hildagardecrowe
@BigGreen
@goolies
@iamsodonewith2020
@KAP232
@polkadotpixie

Sorry if I missed anyone!

I’ve just had an absolute melt down and rang the gps 5mins before it closed saying I need something now for my anxiety I can’t wait the weekend. My gps presribed me diazepam and ringing me next week. I keep thinking I’m going to have a bowel obstruction cz of the pregnancy and my already issues with my bowel 😢 x

Honestly I can’t think of anything but that I’m going to die 😢

Oh @EXA1912 I’m glad the GP prescribed you Diazepam. I know that feeling of fear and the grip
it has. How are you coping with your family - do they know what you’re going through?

My extended family think I’m nuts I think that I’m worrying over nothing but I’m not. I’ve not told them about the pregnancy they’ll be mad I think because I had been advised against more babies because of complications last time I think that’s why I’m so worried and also because I’m still having issues from my previous pregnancy that causes me anxiety everyday anyway. I don’t know what to do I feel really trapped. X

Christ just read about Helen McCrory dying of cancer at 52. Such an amazing actress. It just seems to be everywhere and that’s what terrifies me. But then I look at my 90 year old mum
who’s still going strong....I need to accept my own mortality somehow.

What about your close family @EXA1912 - do they know how scared you are? I’m isolating myself more and more as I have the “luxury” to do that as I live alone. I can imagine with a family to look after that feeling of being trapped must be strong. Do you share any of this with friends? I tend to keep it private from my friends - one of them has just texted to ask me how I am and I’ll have to tell a white lie.

My close family don’t live close and they think I need to concentrate on my mental health but it’s hard when my mental health is being affected by my physical health. My partner understands but I think even he’s getting a little fed up as it’s been ongoing a while now. My kids wonder what the heck is up with me all the time. When they see me cry they now ask me if it’s because I miss nanny (my mum) all the time.

I’m going to get them to have a good look on the scan on Sunday and also examine me and my bowel (embarrassing but I’m desperate) so I can get some proper info on it all x

Evening ladies, having a wobble tonight, not really sure why but a breast examination is all I want to do. I checked Monday and they were fine, I'm trying to check every 2 weeks as I don't think my HA will last a full month without checking. A close friend of mine left work today for a new job so not sure if I'm feeling over anxious about that and I also start a extra job next week, hopefully lots going on to keep me busy x

Morning @KAP232, hope you slept. Checking is the bane of us with HA! May I ask why the focus is on your breasts? I’ve been through periods of intense worry over mine, mainly to do with a fear of inflammatory breast cancer which started when I found a small bruise on a breast. Now I avoid even looking at them if I can! I’m currently terrified over a red lesion in my mouth which. I think might be caused by biting the inside of my cheeks when I’m asleep. But of course I’ve googled and found it can be the sign of a rare cancer and am halfway down the rabbit hole again. Anyway good you’re busy, distraction really helps.

@HildegardeCrowe

I have slept although feels like I haven't! Not sure about anyone else but my HA really drains me.

I have had a couple of lumps before so that where it all started they have always turned out to be nothing serious, thank god. Also a friend of mine had breast cancer at 32 and I think that has made everything spiral even more. I also work for the NHS dealing with peoples meds so I see a lot of people that are on letrazole and tamoxifen which also triggers me x

Oh it drains me too, I’m thoroughly exhausted with it all and am currently on long-term sick which I hate as I like my job. And gosh, another one who works for the NHS (me too). This seems to be a common denominator amongst though of us here. HA does seem to start with a particular scare and along with working in healthcare, can really set us off.

Morning everyone, how are we all? Does anyone have any plans for the weekend now that we are allowed to go out again?

I’m hoping to get out for a walk, distraction is always needed at the weekend for me.

Haircut for me! Could hug my hairdresser if I could. Yes do a lot of walking as I have a dog and hope a friend can come along with me. Have also been inspired to buy some new underwear by another thread on MN about why women neglect themselves in small ways. The pants in my underwear drawer are ancient!

Tried to post this on Monday twice and it didn’t post… cue days of anxiety wondering whether it appeared in another thread I was watching by mistake, can you imagine! 

Apologies in advance for the essay, wanted to reply to as many of you as possible. I just keep reading your posts and nodding, yip, yip, me too, me too!

I don't work in the NHS but I am 'healthcare adjacent' in a womens health related job. For the fanjo worriers, your vag is a ridgy tube, it's not likely to be symmetrical so don't stress. It's also collapsed in if that makes sense, as it needs room to expand for things going in and out so can feel all folded in on itself. Imagine the sleeve of a puffa jacket with no arm inside vs when you put your arm in 🙈😂 Totally normal.

@polkadotpixie I'm glad to read you have endometriosis, well, not glad you have it but obviously better than OC xx

@Iamsodonewith2020 I do get those symptoms with anxiety. I get hypersmell (if that's a thing!)

@KasparKat Great idea to note things in the calendar and then if they've gone, no worries!

@Goolies Great to hear all looks good with the breasts. Mine are exact same. I only get pain on one boob. Funnily enough it has massively reduced since getting the clear mammo and US.

@GransKitchen I am the same regarding one thing being sorted and then something else coming up. It can feel never ending at times.

@Dollsandfoo I love your typo 'a little breast mouse'! I'm going to keep that one, these breast mice are a pain in the arse! In seriousness though, I completely understand. My HA got much worse after having my DC too. I also finds mornings hard as I get the weird vibratey thing when I wake up.

@MrsWhites I'm 40 and my periods are all over the place. I've put it down to perimenopause and stress as recently had a clear smear and no symptoms of anything else. Now my HA is a bit better I've had my first normal cycle in months. @Skyliner001 I get the spotting and brown blood before my period too now (not vaxxed yet). It also feels like it's threatening to come for days before it finally appears! Also, well done on the breast exam and not spiralling! I haven’t done mine yet this month.....

@HildegardeCrowe I completely get the three cancers in one week thing. I'm the exact same, especially with breast blemishes.

@tmh88 I have a wee lump on the top of my head, it's not bone. I think it's from when I bumped it years ago. It never changes size or anything and a friend has a similar one too from a bump so it doesn't set my HA off! I did read somewhere that this can happen after a hard knock. Also, I do feel much more tired when I’m anxious, and lack of sleep makes it way worse so it’s a vicious cycle!

@KAP232 Glad the 'sisters, not twins' has helped! That was the best advice I ever got from a Dr at the breast clinic recently x

Welcome to all the newbies. I completely understand and you've said out loud what alot of us do. You're not alone here x

With regards to what has helped me massively with HA, I'll post with a name change as could be outing. Just look for a melon related name :)

@KAP232 health anxiety exhausts me too so I naturally think that’s me on deaths door logically I know it’s because I never feel peace 😂

@MrsWhites no real plans this weekend! Might take DS to a toy shop this afternoon as it’s been so long since we’ve been in one 😂 I have booked some trips to theme parks coming up too so looking forward to that! I’m trying to make an effort now on family things as I think I’m depressing the full household!

I did have a brainwave this morning however I woke up and felt the peasized lump thing in my stomach (think it’s just cellulite) then I poked at my collar bones, then my neck, then my head, ribs etc the works and thought get a grip you would have to be very unlucky to have a problem with every part of your body! My flavour of the weekend though is my stomach! It’s all lumpy and gristly and logically I know it’s because it’s full of stretch marks and cellulite from having DS but of course I’m think stomach cancer 😂

@StooriMelon thanks I think it is where I bumped a couple of years ago but it was at dps aunts and uncles house and I did it on the bloody bathroom cabinet when I bent down and rather than going down and saying I just bumped my head and made it bleed I spent about 20 minutes up there with toilet roll on it to stop the bleeding and went back down! I was too embarrassed to tell them

Well.. ruined my morning by googling myself silly! Hope everyone else is doing ok x

@tmh88 if it helps at all, I don't think stomach cancer would be a small lump as it has a lot of layers of muscle and fat and skin to reach before you can feel it so will most likely be more golf ball sized if not bigger. Pea sized I would think would be balls of fat in the skin, you'll likely find the same bits around the backs on the knees, upper thighs and forearms x

Guys I’ve been having such a panic, I honestly think I’m going to die whether I carry on or not in the pregnancy. I was on to 111 last night because I couldn’t pass wind or open my bowels 😢 what if I carry on it’ll be worse, what if I don’t it could make it worse too. I’m so scared. X

So, here's what has massively helped me with anxiety in general but especially the HA. It's a coaching process focused on the present called presence in action.

You work with a coach to identify the emotions you're feeling (can be harder than it sounds but we have tools to help) and then identify the 'fictions' that are driving those emotions. For example, and to simplify it massively, I'm feeling anxious because I'm believing I have cancer and will die. The next stage is identifying the underlying beliefs and patterns that drive those thoughts and feelings. It's different to CBT because it's about being present to what is currently going on, not telling yourself you won't die of cancer or it's unlikely (we all know that doesn't help HA). You might die of cancer, but right now you're not. It's also really good because mostly, the thing you think is the big problem, isn't actually what's driving it.

The process has also had an unbelievable impact on my life outside of the HA. Once I started it I realised most of what I thought and believed were things I had assumed, so really, fictions I told myself. Like, if my boss is short with me I automatically stress she thinks I'm shite at my job so I'm actually creating the stress for myself by making up a reason in my head about why she was short. How I respond to literally everything and everyone in my life has changed since doing this, so much so that I started training a few years ago with the coaches who developed the process and I now coach people one-to-one. I am in continual training to keep my own personal development as well as do group coaching in future too. I still have bad times, but I now have a fabulous coaching community to lean on that helps me get through, plus all of you! ❤️

My own fiction is that I come across as a bit evangelical when I talk about this! It has genuinely changed my life though. If anybody is interested in having a session please DM me for details. You could do it with me or I can put you in touch with a different practitioner, they are based around the UK and can be done via zoom or in person (covid rules permitting).

Morning all, how’s the weekend going? @StooriMelon, nice to meet you and thanks for your understanding of rampant cancer fear? Are you a little calmed today @EXA1912, good luck with the scan. Hope you’ve managed to curb the Googling @tmh88, I remember the days when we had nothing but the Family Doctor book! Do you work full-time @KAP232? The longer I’m off work, the more I think that maybe dealing with hospital referrals isn’t the right job for me but I’m only a couple of years off retirement so don’t know what I’d do instead. Can’t believe I joined MN over 20 years ago when I was pregnant with DD (and I was pretty ancient then) and am still here!

I got my invite for breast screening yesterday and that’s put me into a panic as I hate the wait for the results. I know it’s the sensible thing to do though. All of you will be too young for breast screening! 😀

@EXA1912 hope you’ve managed to settle a little! Worrying like that is awful! But you are getting all the correct monitoring and as hard as it is to believe the drs/midwives/nurses will want the best for you x

@HildegardeCrowe yes I’m much calmer today! I didn’t sleep very well the night before and it always makes me worse to be honest! How are you doing? X

Thank you @AJ297 your right and it’s been there at least a year that size! Would probably even go down if I lose my lockdown 14lbs!x

@tmh88
I am so much worse with lack of sleep. In fact if I'm up in the night I dread the next day so much because I know it will be anxious and angry and tired.
I have started doing some YouTube dance videos in the evenings, I do 35mins of Latin and then do some stretching and back/neck exercises on a mat and I find it is helping, especially if I have a sports drink after. I feel hydrated and calm.
But today I have a headache and head pressure but managed to make pancakes with my DDs (our Sunday tradition) and trying to pluck up the courage to talk about moving to my home country with my DH.
@HildegardeCrowe
I know you suggested it to someone else but maybe it would be a good idea to look for a receptionist job for a couple of years then. I get triggered reading illness stories on social media and normal media so can't imagine what it would be like dealing with masses of cancer referrals etc.