Health Anxiety - Part 5

[AJ297]

Sorry if someone else was going to do this, I just didn't want to lose you all 😂

@MrsWhites
@argueifnecessary
@tmh88
@Skyliner001
@TheSilentStars
@hildagardecrowe
@BigGreen
@goolies
@iamsodonewith2020
@KAP232
@polkadotpixie

Sorry if I missed anyone!

@EXA1912
Hi and welcome.
Really sorry to hear about your mum.
Just wanted to ask if you're on anxiety medication?
Also, do you think you might have PTSD from what you went through from when your mum got ill? Maybe addressing that would also help a bit?
I know someone who's severe panic disorder is caused by her PTSD (of also someone dying) and when she started therapy for that her panic attacks hot better too

@EXA1912 I’m so sorry to hear about your mum and cant begin to imagine how devastating that must have been. I lost my brother a few years ago and my health anxiety spiralled shortly after.

I wish I could offer you solutions but i really don’t know how to get out of this spiral but I do know this group is wonderfully supportive and we are all here for you.

My biggest fear is leaving my son. My brother left his kids behind and I see the impact it’s had. The thoughts consume me all day and I literally move from one issue to another. I’m also having gynae issues at the moment.

Sending you love and hugs and always here jf you want to vent/ chat etc xx

Hi thanks for replying both. I’m not on any medication at the minute but due to speak to the GP next week and ask her for some. They put me on sertraline a bit ago but I stopped it as I was in a very heightened state of health anxiety at the time (ringing the gp And 111 multiple times thinking I was about to die) and i couldn’t work out what was real symptoms and what was just side effects of the sertraline. She also gave me diazepam a bit ago as I was really bad but I don’t wAnt this long term. She said she wants to see what’s going on with the pregnancy (I have to go for a scan next week) before she puts me on some meds.

Gp has asked me if I’ll have a telephone call with the psychologist next week, I was meant to have one this week but I panicked and didn’t answer the phone to him. He’ll maybe be able to tell me if it’s PTSD too, it’s maybe a combination.

I feel like I’ve made the whole situation worse too by getting pregnant. I feel really stupid for thinking I was infertile and needed a hysterectomy. I paid to see a private consultant recently and was begging him for a hysterectomy. He told me I could have one but he’d rather find and treat my issue first if he can.

I’m really glad I found this group as I’ve felt so alone in my thoughts and although I wouldn’t wish this on anyone I’m glad I’m not the only one who has these thoughts.

I feel like when I have no health concerns I’m ok but as soon as anything crops up and can’t be sorted immediately I spiral out of control and that’s what’s happened here...only now I’ve made it 10 times worse for myself as I feel like I’m going to die if I have the baby and going to die if I don’t. Feeling completely trapped. Xx

Hi everyone, need to catch up on how everyone is doing so will hopefully get a chance to do that later on.

Just wanted to say hi to @EXA1912, welcome to the group, I’m so sorry about your mum, no wonder you have health anxiety.

@Goolies - get yourself some vagasil cream from the chemist, it’s got lidocaine in it which is slightly numbing, it takes away itchiness and burning!

Thanks @MrsWhites

Can I ask you all do you all never feel hungry? I honestly never ever feel hungry, sometimes forcing myself to eat makes me gag. What foods do you all find helps? X

Sorry to hear other people are in the same position as me!

@EXA1912 so hard I know exactly what your going through I lost my mum in December and it definitely made me anxiety worse! I’m the opposite in that I comfort eat! I’m currently trying to diet and exercise but the exercise ache makes me worry I have something seriously wrong so not fully getting there!

Hope everyone’s ok x

Just catching up with everyone and welcome newbies 😊 you’re must definitely not alone with this debilitating condition and hope you’ll find hope and support here. @AJ297 please let us know how you get on tomorrow and don’t beat yourself up about making the appointment. @tmh88 that’s how I feel; am older than you but am constantly thinking I won’t see my daughter’s children or be at her wedding (she’s 21).

I’m waiting for some blood test results but won’t be able to speak to GP until Monday because
she works part-time - grrr don’t they all these days but she’s brilliant so need to deal with just her because she’s so sympathetic. Am convinced I have blood cancer and am expecting the worst. Hate being off work but there’s no way I could function. Instead I’m at home, drinking everyday to quell the anxiety and feeling spaced out on Pregabalin and Citalopram. Know this will backfire big time. I’d encourage all of you to find a really good GP who understands your HA rather than dealing with different doctors all the time. Mental health services are dire in my area and my GP is the only one who helps keep me functioning.

@EXA1912 I’m the same as @tmh88, when I feel anxious or just generally rubbish I eat loads of crap! It’s why I now have about a stone of lockdown weight to lose.

I have started some home fitness classes today so hoping to keep that up at least every few days. Hoping that a bit of exercise will perk up my moods!

You’ve all made me feel really welcome, u don’t actually know how much it means that I’ve found other people I can relate to. Thanks.

@tmh88 it’s absolutely heartbreaking isn’t it. I literally haven’t got over it and it’s been 3 years now. I miss her everyday especially when I’m like this cz she’d basically tell me to stop worrying and she’ll sort anything. Also I’d know if the kids don’t have me they’d have her which would be the next best thing.

@HildegardeCrowe I’m sure it’ll all work out fine but I know how u feel. Also I’ve found my Gp too, I hate it when I can’t get to speak to her because she knows me very well now and sheS so sympathetic but can be firm with me when I need it too. I trust her now. She’s the only person who can reassure me about things to be honest.

@MrsWhites I really wish I could eat loads, I literally struggle so much to eat anything some days, I’ve lost a stone in a month without even trying 😫 also it affects my bowel so bad, I’m always on the phone to the gp about it, That’s why I have to force myself now x

@EXA1912 stick with your GP. I also struggle with eating enough; do you have to cook for family? I live on my own so can easily go days without having a decent meal. Am living on a mixture of Complan, soup and ready meals ATM!

@HildegardeCrowe yeah I have a partner and 3 kids to cook for so they always get fed but I just have a couple of mouthfuls most the time. If I’m home on my own too in the day I have 2 red bulls and 2 aptamils and maybe a pack of crisps 🤷‍♀️

I had bloods taken at the hospital the other day and I need to have more tomorrow and I asked my Gp to ring me tomorrow after she sees the results but she said “I don’t think I need to but I’ll txt u if I do”...she’s trying to limit my calls to once weekly because at one point I was ringing everyday 😫 I feel awful and ungrateful about this pregnancy because I know loads of people who would love to be pregnant but I’m absolutely freaking out about it thinking of all the things that will go wrong, the only thing I can be positive about is the baby at the end. Xx

Oh but I’d only get the baby if I don’t die 😫

*actimel not aptimil that’s baby milk 😂

Hey @EXA1912, congrats on being pregnant. You aren’t going to die, believe me. Your diet sounds much like mine 😊 I too am trying to limit my calls to the GP and feel embarrassed like you do. They are very understanding though. Please don’t compare yourself to other people; we are who we are, warts and all. All I can say is breathe, slowly and deeply and know the fear will pass.

@HildegardeCrowe thank you but I have actually had complicated pregnancies and births previously and at my last they didn’t recommend I have anymore as the risks would increase so atm I’m very very worried and U can imagine that those risks I’ve ran away with and assume I’m going to have them and die so i feel like if I continue I will die but if I don’t I will regret it and could die anyway. Just want the baby without the pregnancy 😫 I can’t believe I thought I was infertile I feel like such an idiot. Xx

Oh bless you @EXA1912, you know you’re catastrophising don’t you! You are in good hands, please try and trust the doctors. You have 3 healthy children and you’re going to have another one 😊 your fears are in your head but I know how debilitating they can be. Take care and hope you sleep ok - can you sleep?

I hope I am catastrophising but I also know that the risks are very real and they do happen so I just think that’ll be me 😫

Do you think if I ask my Gp what she’d do in my situation she’d tell me? I’m not sure she would but I feel like I’d trust her judgement now.

Health anxiety is so debilitating, I feel like I miss out so much on my kids lives because I worry so much about not being there for them 😔 x

Yes you must trust your GP, I trust mine more than anyone. And know that the risks are small. I have the weekend to get through before I get my blood test results and am just trying to distract myself - lots of good TV and sleep. But these must seem like a luxury to you with your already large family! You’re going to be ok and please be open with your GP about how you feel.

Hello! Thank you all for asking how it went 💕 I'm so relieved that I finally had a consultant that felt the lumps, I nearly cried because someone finally believed me and felt them for themselves! It's all fine, lymph nodes and he thinks down to psoriasis. So now I've found another issue 🤗 at the side of my neck near the back near my shoulder I have a stringy bit on it but it's not on the right hand side as prominent. Trying to reassure myself it's because my right side will be more tense due to being dominant side and all I'm feeling are floppy ligaments 😂. Hope everyone's days been ok, I'm going to have a catch up now x

@HildegardeCrowe Thank you, I’m so glad I’m finally found people who actually understand my thought processes, I posted on a pregnancy board and a few were saying “well terminate then” but I want this baby I just don’t want to do the pregnancy/ birth part cz I feel like I’ll die. Unless u have health anxiety you don’t get it. I will defo be telling my GP everything I’m feeling, tbh I feel she knows me that well now she’ll already know what I’m thinking. I don’t think she’ll tell me what she’d do if she was me though but I wish she would 😩 x

@EXA1912 I had a high risk complicated pregnancy with my twins. I'd had LLETZ which had shortened my cervix meaning I had to have a stitch and be put on bed rest as they didn't think that my cervix would be able to hold the babies in. Every appointment was high risk this and high risk that. I was on blood thinners, hormones, I had gestational diabetes, ketones in urine, the list goes on. But I ended up with two beautiful healthy babies born at 37 weeks and home the next day. High risk doesn't mean end of the world, even though it may feel like it sometimes 💕

@AJ297, once we are reassured about one fear, another inevitably takes its place. It’s as if we have a space in n our heads that always needs to be filled with a health worry. What you describe on your neck sounds normal so do try to stop poking.

I know I’m not going to be able to wait until Monday to get my blood results so will call surgery when it opens and ask for an emergency consult with another doctor and ask them to give me the results😟 I’m a nightmare and they must be so tired of me.

@AJ297
I think as we get older out necks get worse and worse. I think I read from somewhere that if you have a neck MRI it usually comes up with a list of "problems" but it is only really a problem if it affects you in a negative way like causes pain, stiffness etc.

I have two massive lumps on my neck. One's been there for years and is hard and a Masseuse once told me it is where the muscles attach and the other lump is to the left and it is ganglious (apparently not a word but should be lol) and I suspect my head symptoms might be to do with that. My GP refused to send me to a physical therapy though so I will have to pay for massage. 60€ an hour...
I also do neck exercises but they don't seem to massively help.

I also have Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (self diagnosed but I've had both my knees dislocated before and can lick my elbow, put a leg behind me head and do other party tricks) so I find it difficult to hold my head up sometimes and my neck gets tired really easily

@AJ297 I always move onto something new too! My necks really funny and muscly lumped, I also have about 4/5 lymph nodes in my neck to make it even more worrisome

Hope everyone’s doing ok! I can’t wait to see gp next week as I really need some help to not be like this anymore! I’ve finished hypno now and I think it’s safe to say it didn’t work..😂