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Original poster

Would you find somewhere else to stay to give DH and DSS 'space'

298 replies

Hop27 · 11/03/2021 08:28

DH has asked if I can stay somewhere else for the weekend to give DSS and him space. No family near and wouldn't feel comfortable asking friends. So it would be a hotel. Is this the right thing to do?

OP posts:
NoseinBook3 · 11/03/2021 08:43

Maybe as a one off if there were somewhere I could go. He could book you a spa... if they were open

KihoBebiluPute · 11/03/2021 08:43

DSS (13) won't come if I'm about

You absolutely can't set a precident that you will exclude yourself from your own home on the say-so of a child. You are (I presume?) married to this man and are not going anywhere.

DH can take DSS elsewhere - camping, hotel, whatever is legal where you are. There is plenty of space in the world, your home is not up for negotiation.

InkyOctopus · 11/03/2021 08:43

Well it sounds as though your relationship has pretty much broken down. If you are not in an extra area of lockdown then maybe I’d go away but then start conversations about what the future looks like. Could you afford to live apart? Is this relationship over?

needadvice54321 · 11/03/2021 08:43

@Hop27

Not in the UK. DSS goes through phases of really disliking me. DH's ex is putting pressure on DH to leave me, because he should always put his child first. Large 4 bed house. Have offered to hide in my room for the weekend l, spend the day away. But DSS (13) won't come if I'm about and DH wants to get to the bottom of it.
No I wouldn't, esp if the child is saying they won't come if you're there Shock!

Unless there's some sort of backstory where you're a wicked witch and lock him in the garden shed for the weekend.. Wink

Do they have chance to spend a bit of time together just the two of them? Do you always insist you have to tag alone?

MuddleMoo · 11/03/2021 08:44

I'd offer to go out for a walk but no way should you be moving out. DH needs to show you are united.

mummywantstobeslim · 11/03/2021 08:45

No way. He is treating you like something scraped off the bottom of his shoe, not an equal partner. Tell him to take his 'ds' to a hotel himself if he is so concerned.

NormanStangerson · 11/03/2021 08:46

Your other thread about your SS is concerning.

CausingChaos2 · 11/03/2021 08:47

As a one off I don’t think it’s so bad. Surely preferable to your offer to lock yourself in your room. Take your pick of a nearby city or a country retreat.

Dontbeme · 11/03/2021 08:50

If you go OP I would strongly suggest you don't come back. You have had years of this and it doesn't seem to be getting better.

grapewine · 11/03/2021 08:50

Yes, permanently. No 13 year old would be treating me like that. If they need to get to the bottom of things, they can go somewhere.

Oldbutstillgotit · 11/03/2021 08:50

RedcurrantPuff

Don’t go, what kind of message does that send to the kid who frankly needs a boot up the arse and to get over himself.

Love this 😂

Branleuse · 11/03/2021 08:50

how long have you guys been together? Whos house is it?

I think depending on these answers, id give serious consideration to whether I wanted to come between a parent and their kid

mindutopia · 11/03/2021 08:51

On the off special weekend, I'd like time away on my own. But given that it's your DSS who is refusing to come if you are there, I think it's important to maintain a boundary that that isn't acceptable to kick you out of your own house. If your dh wants time away with his son, can he not go off for a weekend away with him?

Original poster
Hop27 · 11/03/2021 08:52

Married 6 years, together longer. Joint ownership of the home.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 11/03/2021 08:53

It depends.

Can you reasonably in your country book a hotel (with your DHs card) or would you end up on a floor of someone's house?

Is he ACTUALLY committed to getting to the bottom of it?

If so I would but it would be a one time offer and the next time he asked if be packing for good

Original poster
Hop27 · 11/03/2021 08:53

I always make sure they have boy time and have never locked anyone in a shed for the weekend. Would be happy to stay in a shed myself tbh.

OP posts:
Oldbutstillgotit · 11/03/2021 08:54

I know it’s frowned upon but I have just read some of your previous threads and I have no idea why you are putting up with this shit .

needadvice54321 · 11/03/2021 08:54

@Hop27

I always make sure they have boy time and have never locked anyone in a shed for the weekend. Would be happy to stay in a shed myself tbh.
Then stand your ground, I haven't read your other thread that someone commented about, have you been having trouble for a while?
EL8888 · 11/03/2021 08:54

Hahaha. No

BettyBeStillNow · 11/03/2021 08:55

Has he not got over you "poisoning his food"?

I remember your situation about giving them space every time he is at your house.

You need to give more of a back story as you have been together almost as long as that child has been alive.

Chooseausernamenow · 11/03/2021 08:55

@Hop27

Not in the UK. DSS goes through phases of really disliking me. DH's ex is putting pressure on DH to leave me, because he should always put his child first. Large 4 bed house. Have offered to hide in my room for the weekend l, spend the day away. But DSS (13) won't come if I'm about and DH wants to get to the bottom of it.
If you go out this time your step son will think he can control whether you are there or not, ie insist you’re not each time he visits. If you were a new partner I could understand this, but given that you’re married, I absolutely wouldn’t leave the house. Your DH can take his son out for a walk. Your DH also needs to show a united front with you, to your son and his ex, to show that they can’t dictate the situation at your house. I’m sorry you’re being tested like this. It’s not a easy situation.
sobloodyconfusing · 11/03/2021 08:57

I’d go for a walk for an hour or so to give somebody space - have done this quite a few times throughout the pandemic, for example to give graduate DD who has moved back home a bit of peace to get a Zoom job interview done.

But as soon as my walk was finished I’d be right back home. There’d be no bloody way I’d be putting myself out trying to find somewhere for me to go all weekend when I should be in my own home.

Sorry this is happening OP sounds rubbish Sad Flowers

Milkshake7489 · 11/03/2021 08:58

If there was something else going on (problems at school etc) I'd say it would be a kind thing to do (and a night in a hotel sounds like heaven to me!).

But given the situation, I think you should say no. Presuming you haven't done anything cruel to make dss dislike you, his mum is massively overstepping the mark by telling dp to leave you. In all liklihood she is feeding dss dislike and leaving your home might fuel this fire for both of them. Will you stepson (and his mum) then think they can demand you leave your home whenever they want you to?

No, maintain your boundaries. 1:1 time can easily take place outside the house.

Fireflygal · 11/03/2021 09:00

I don't know the back story but it is reasonable for your H to have time alone with his son however he should do the relocation not you.

Blending families is really difficult, especially when children involved and many 2nd marriages fail as a result.

I would suggest if it's gone on for a long time your H needs to be getting external help to resolve the situation.

Radio4Rocks · 11/03/2021 09:02

Let him take DSS to a hotel. Don't leave your home. Your DH needs to grow a pair and not be dictated to be a child and a bitter ex.