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Original poster

Would you find somewhere else to stay to give DH and DSS 'space'

298 replies

Hop27 · 11/03/2021 08:28

DH has asked if I can stay somewhere else for the weekend to give DSS and him space. No family near and wouldn't feel comfortable asking friends. So it would be a hotel. Is this the right thing to do?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 11/03/2021 08:28

Why does he want space?

dementedpixie · 11/03/2021 08:29

No I wouldn't be leaving my house. Can't they go out somewhere if they need space?

steff13 · 11/03/2021 08:29

I think if they need space, they should go to a hotel. Why do they need space?

Knitterbabe · 11/03/2021 08:30

No

Myyearmytime · 11/03/2021 08:31

Whose home is it ?

Brunt0n · 11/03/2021 08:31

Apart from anything else, you can't really book a hotel easily right now in the U.K.

And no, I wouldn't be leaving my house. I'd tell them I'd keep to myself?

44PumpLane · 11/03/2021 08:31

Yeah unless there is some backatory of DSS having a tough time and DH needing some 1:1 time for a genuine reason I don't see why you need to leave.

All of us in families are suffering from "people fatigue" but if he wants the alone time he has to think of a solution and sort it out!!

Oldbutstillgotit · 11/03/2021 08:31

Definitely not. If they want space , they go somewhere else .
Assuming there is a back story ?

RiojaRose · 11/03/2021 08:32

No. But if they wanted to go places and do things without me that would be fine.

RootyT00t · 11/03/2021 08:32

Can he not just have a boys night or something with him and you can be in the bedroom with TV and a drink etc?

Felifox · 11/03/2021 08:33

How old is DSS? Why do they need space, is it because they don't see each other often? Are you in a small flat?

combatbarbie · 11/03/2021 08:34

Erm why can't he make alternative arrangements?

Original poster
Hop27 · 11/03/2021 08:37

Not in the UK.
DSS goes through phases of really disliking me. DH's ex is putting pressure on DH to leave me, because he should always put his child first. Large 4 bed house. Have offered to hide in my room for the weekend l, spend the day away. But DSS (13) won't come if I'm about and DH wants to get to the bottom of it.

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 11/03/2021 08:37

No stay put. They can go out for a hike or something

MyLittleOrangutan · 11/03/2021 08:37

No way. How ridiculous. They can go camping in the garden.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 11/03/2021 08:37

Where exactly is he expecting you to go?

I think its his responsibility to make any arrangements. Either for him to stay elsewhere or arrange something nice for you (easier said than done atm).

ineedaholidaynow · 11/03/2021 08:38

If this was your child with him, would you think this was a reasonable request?

Why do they need space?

ChaToilLeam · 11/03/2021 08:39

No. It’s an unreasonable request and should not be indulged. Why should you be pushed out of your home? There is plenty space in it.

Porcupineintherough · 11/03/2021 08:40

No. Are you going to be expected to do this every time he comes round? He can take him out for the day to talk. Or to a hotel. You stay put.

MyLittleOrangutan · 11/03/2021 08:40

Cross Post. Maybe if DSS wasn't treated like the king of the castle then this wouldn't be happening. Think a 13 year old boy has the right to kick a grown woman out of her own home!
He needs to sit down with his son and explain that you don't have to like everyone but you don't get to dictate who other people like.

Unless you really are an evil stepmother.

BuddhaAtSea · 11/03/2021 08:40

Who’s house is it?
If it’s jointly owned, tell him to do one. If it’s yours, the same applies. If it’s his place, think very hard about getting your own place.

My DP has a small child, mine is late teens. I like my weekends to be free of blaring cartoons at 6 am, whinnying children, I’ve done all that, it is part and parcel of being a parent, I’m not judging, but I’ve gone past that stage. So the weekends he has his child, I go to my house, I meet friends, I do stuff. Occasionally I will join them if they organised something like family occasion, but I think it’s important they bond and he parents without me being there.

So I can understand the need for space. It’s a pandemic out there though, would you risk a hotel? Tell them to get on their bikes and you’ll see them at dinner.

DarkMutterings · 11/03/2021 08:41

As a one off yes. If there's a current issue that needs resolving and within your country's rules I'd go away but somewhere nice so it would be more I was going for a treat not bring banished! And I'd be very clear to DH he needs to make it known this isn't the start of a regular occurrence.

To be honest I can't abide my Step Mother, they've been married almost 30 years. So I sympathise with a 13 year old boy but ultimately he needs to learn to accept the situation. My Step Mother and I had some rocky times during my teens, and have now settled in polite indifference.

NormanStangerson · 11/03/2021 08:42

OP, this is awful.

How long have you been together?
Do you have children of your own or together?
How is your relationship generally with your H?
Can you expand on his ExW putting pressure on him to leave you?
Why do you think your SS dislikes you so much?
Who owns your house?

Please note I dropped the ludicrous ‘D’ from all of the above relationships. From the scant info we have, they do not sound very D.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 11/03/2021 08:42

Aside from the pandemic, I’d be willing to do it for a weekend. Not routinely though.

RedcurrantPuff · 11/03/2021 08:42

Don’t go, what kind of message does that send to the kid who frankly needs a boot up the arse and to get over himself.