14 months of motherhood. In my opinion, without the initial rush of love/ hormones added to a pre-existing urge to procreate (which is like an insanity, to me), I don't think many humans would do it. It's dull, boring, relentless, seemingly pointless. There's nothing to be gained from it and everything to be lost.
Also, in my opinion, it gets progressively worse until about 3 or 4 years old when they become more "human". They could become annoying, irritable, boring humans, or they could become funny, delightful, interesting humans. Some of it is down to nurture, some to nature.
It's also reasonable to expect that after 3 or 4 years of spending every day with something or someone, you would become attached to it/them.
None of this necessarily equals love, though, and humans NEED love.
You are a person deserving of a chance, but so is your baby. You are an adult who can and should exercise self-control and self-determination. Your baby cannot do either of these things, and had no choice in the matter of being born. That was on you and only you (the flip side, if you will, of how a termination would have been your choice and only yours). Children have (I believe) an entitlement to at least one caring and loving parent/person holding the position of parent. Ideally, two or more. Otherwise that child is set for inevitable problems as an adult.
If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't be thinking about myself so much as worrying that I'm holding the child back. Perhaps he would be better off with a loving father and step-mother? Or, a loving father and no mother/step-mother because that might be better than a fully present mother who you can't escape but who you know doesn't care for you. There are times when stepping away is the loving thing to do.
None of these comments are a judgement of you. These things happen. You obviously feel something (responsibility, duty, affection?) because you're asking strangers for help. You clearly want to do right by your son.
Maybe talk seriously with your DH about how you feel and what's best for your DS. Perhaps you can absent yourself for six months or a year, see how you feel. Perhaps you separate/divorce. Perhaps you stick together with you working FT and your DH becomes a SAHD. There are options.
This sounds like a very difficult situation, and guilt isn't productive. Try to find a solution, absent your own feelings. Your situation isn't conventional, and might call for an unconventional solution.
