Parents of anxious kids/teens support thread(part three)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Filling up a second thread,here's a new one to keep that support running!

This thread is a supportive,non judgemental space for those who have anxious children,or care for children with anxiety

You can pop in and just offload,or stick with us and share ideas etc

Caring for an anxious child can feel like it dominates your existence and drains every last drop of energy you have,and the sadness of watching your child's distress can be overwhelming.only those who have lived it truly understand that

We also love to hear successes.it can be hard in real life sharing something you are proud of your child achieving if others do it as standard.we get that and it's good to have somewhere where people are pleased for those little wins

You are no longer alone

Nights are definitely tougher.ds seems save up worst his anxiety for as dark was approached,and dd2 steadily declines also from 6pm-remind me of newborns screaming hour 6-7 pm but in stressed teens and it continues into the night.
Day I let mine handle consequences for lack homework.i check if have any and if say no,or I do in mo then don't it's their own fault.mube require lots reassurance rather than alone time.nor great esp as I don't sleep well(staying asleep issues)so they ear into my sleep time and then I still can't sleep later I start most days on a back foot!

Nights are hard here. As horrible as I know it is, I still have my twins in the same bed with each other because of Ds3's anxiety, but still, DH will end up in with them by the end of the night 4/7 nights, and if he's working nights, Ds3 will end up with me with ds2 following suit when he wakes for a wee in the morning. DH and I haven't spent an entire week in the same bed for 3 years, but it is what it is. We've decided that they are going to get their own beds for their birthday's in November and I'm already dreading that. Can already imagine both boys and DH ending up squeezed into one single.

When DS' were younger we frequently ended up with 5 in a bed. DH can sleep with them sprawled over him. I can not, so often decamped. Lukasak multiples frequently share a cot, as long as they're happy why not a bed? Who care what others think, parenting multiples is very different to singletons. For a while when DS' were smaller they shared a double bed. Now all 3 have doubles in their rooms so when they all descend I can slope off to one of their beds more comfortably.

Day DS1's emotions are closely linked to mine. He is more anxious if I am stressed or down. Many parents with DC with additional needs feel physically and emotionally drained, at least some of the time. They often go hand in hand. Carer burnout is a real thing.

Zoo DS1 needs constant reassurance too. It can be exhausting.

DD's were relatively easy teens, I am expecting DS' to be a whole different ball game.

Hi everyone
Its been a while. 1hop - so pleased for you about the sleep clinic referral :)

Dd ptsd is worse. She has taken herself of sertraline. New camhs psych has suggested fluoxetine so she is going to try that. She is having 6 sessions with a primary mental health practitioner about anxiety, and then is being referred for emdr. They think the food stuff is disordered eating and want to sort the ptsd out before going ahead with eating disorder clinic.
Blood test results had some low white cell count and she keeps getting sore throats so they are repeating the blood tests and checking a special immunity blood test. Its probably because she doesn't eat much.
Lots of meltdowns. We are all tired.

Sorry things are still tough Anne we are always here to listen.how have YOU been?

I've had fun and games here today dd2 utter meltdown over looking fat and ugly in EVERYTHINV led to taking self to bed and cry eyes out 45 minutes
Camhs medic for D's waste timehe wants D's on Prozac,D's don't want it...

Had referral letter for youngest to be reffered to camhs

Had call from iass that school for D's aren't happy that he has zero attendance past 12 month and are refusing agree meet in hols to organise their duty of care educationally whilst we iron out plan/sort forever school.they offering 15 th sept
How hard we have worked get him up to 3hrs work a day I'm not prepared let it go,do we will be using summerschool access from current roll school to help us til sept,then I've left message for EHCP team to org something for the first few weeks of sept.not impressed is an understatement...
I felt bit sad after chat lead Sen today,we have had a lot of laughs,divulged lots of our lives and held each other up thru lockdown.ive seen tough teacher exposed as someone who worries about getting the care right for all her students to point keeps her awake at night worrying she's missing something,if says will get it sorted it is done by when she says it will.shes become more or a friend in many ways.but I understand we all moving on..

That sounds really tough, you’ve got a lot on your plate. I find crying helps a lot sometimes. The majority of teachers care silly amounts re their pupils. I remember worrying about each and every one at some point during the year. I do miss it sometimes and often think about returning. Then I remember the stress.😬I’m just a TA now.

I had quite a positive day. Scary CAMHs lady was nice and we had a productive discussion, helped by being calmer I guess. Think I’m starting to accept how poorly ds is. Think I thought I could just fix him and I can’t. I’ve always been quite successful working with children at work. I’m starting to realise MH is very different and harder in some ways.

I’m a secondary school teacher and often lie awake at night worrying about pupils. I think if you’re fully invested in the job it’s hard not to be. I’m sorry things aren’t more positive with your DS new school Zoo.

It's good to see you Anne. Sorry to hear DD's MH has deteriorated, hopefully EMDR will help her. I long for the day DS1 will be able to engage with it. Fingers crossed the repeated bloods come back OK. Are you managing some time for yourself?

Zoo sorry today has been another difficult day for you and DD2. Hurrah for DD3's referral though, that is good news. Why doesn't DS want to take ADs?

That doesn't bode well. The school named has to admit DS. They got the chance to raise concerns when they were consulted. If the aim is to amend the EHCP without DS ever attending their school I would press the LA to continue EOTAS. If DS is going to attend I would push the school to arrange a better transition. Wherever DS attends, or doesn't, ultimately the LA have a statutory duty to ensure the provision in the EHCP is delivered.

day would he be open to you coming in to share breakfast/lunch or a drink perhaps?in my house lure something nice to eat/drink might sway tolerating something?
It doesn't have to be healthy (although preferable) a mug of coffee and a bar of dairy milk in exchange you sit there 5minutes is a win in my book!
I would gently say also it's my job as a mum to check in you are ok and I know that it's really annoying but give me 5/10 etc minutes now and I will just stick head round door later,rather than feel need keep pop in and out throughout the day.

In answer to your question about me, I am knackered. But there isn't an outlet. Dh and I are working at home so we are all stuck together for the foreseeable. I worry about dd1 who has to live with dd2 constant meltdowns and our 'pandering'to her just to survive. What will her view of it all be when she is older?

Zoo - good news about the referral for dd. My dd will try mess even though she is phobic of tablets as she feels that bad, but it has to be their decision.

1hop - not sure she is ready to engage with emdr to be honest. At the moment the camhs calls are her whispering to me, and me answering the questions over video as she doesn't want to talk.

Rosie - nice to hear teachers feel like that. You would have to be a robot not to worry about some of the kids I think.

Day - I would just go in to the room and gradually stay longer each time. To start with I would take treats and try so build up talking.

Sorry. Paragraphs seem to get lost on the phone app :(
Talking therapy would depend how severe the issues were and how rigged a thinker the individual is i imagine

Anne I hope DD can access EMDR. It is life changing for a lot of people. By persevering with other therapies/medication we aim to get DS1 to a place where he's able to access it. DS struggles with virtual appointments too.

Can you go for a walk on your own to get some time on your own? Social care assessments might give you all some respite. Or asking for parental leave. Your local young carers group may be able to support DD1.

Due to a LLI DS' have taken tablets since they were young, so DS1 sees it as a few extra to the many he already took. At first DS' practiced with tic tacs, party sized smarties then full sized smarties, jelly tots. Now they take a handful in one go. When practicing one tip is don't put the tablet too far back on the tongue and don't tilt the head back.

Day talking therapy isn't a quick fix. There's not going to be a miraculous recovery whatever therapeutic input he has now.

day I'm so pleased you seem to have found someone who can help.a long slow road ahead is realistic,but for some things accelerate as improvement spurs improvement.im glad she was kind,and that she didn't just say he will be better in a few weeks
You do need comfort at a time like this so look to how that's going to happen.talking here helps with fears,the overwhelming all consumingness of it all.what about thing that you like to do,that make you feel happy/cared for.at present for me it's a very soft blanket I wrap myself in after a shower with scented gel I love.a chapter of a book.comforting foods that also showing myself self love as nourishing me like fluffy jacket potatoes,pasta with lots green veg,mushrooms and cheese or huge trays roasted veg cooked and pop in fridge for exhausted moments so I can whip up some couscous,open a can chickpeas and add some seeds/nuts and foods waiting for me
I do eat way to many sweets as lack sleep leaves me exhausted,so I'm not a paragon of virtue,but these little things I look forward to,along with walks in green spaces,to get me thru tough parts of the day

day you can drive yourself crazy with hindsight/what ifs
Draw a line under them and accept where you are now,and how you are going to move forward from here
Dd2 often is panicky at night.i sit with her awhile and she knows if she feels REALLY baf/scared she can wake me but I have others to are for and don't sleep well so I have to get sleep in where I can

I try to just accept things but when you see the damage to ds’s life it’s hard. Anger, worry and sadness are a weird mix to handle. I’m finding the continuous presence of all the above drags my mood down. Just starting to feel continuously flat, don’t feel I can ever enjoy anything properly as it’s always there. iykwim. I’m not normally like that. Still trying to do all the right things and it’s nothing like ds is feeling but it’s horrible.

Re night time. I really wish he’d come into me. He was talking about thinking about death and there being no hope of a recovery before I went to bed. I said don’t lie all night alone. Just bring a blanket and curl up next to me but he never does. That said I’m not sure many 16 year old boys would. Wanting him there is for my own selfish reasons ie knowing he’s safe so I can sleep properly. Just feels like a gamble every night.

I hope they sort the medication /next steps soon. Does anybody know how long after they do the assessment and it goes to a doctor that you hear re next steps?

day I'm waiting to hear if medic will "see" dd2,so I don't know how long it will take

Wow so glad I found this post. I have 3 children. My beautiful little girl who was 6 yesterday suffers with really bad anxiety. I've just found out she has autism, adhd, anxiety and OCD. Her anxiety and ocd is heart breaking. Even yesterday for her bday we went to a theme park of her choice. And watching her anxiety winning at times when she got too worked up to go on certain rides she was desperate to try. I get immensely proud of her when she does something even with heightened anxiety. She needs constant reassurance. This is 24 hours a day. Her anxiety is up at the moment so I'm currently sleeping on her bedroom floor ready for when she wakes crying and getting worked up x

Welcome dollypopsmy D's has always been a bit anxiouson the other one DEP who is struggling and what's mum most.i have insomnia so it's not really any difference where I lay down anymore

Day apparently in order for DD to see medic she has to go to panelas it's referral by g.p I'm rather narked it still have to be approved,but I'm "just" a mum,what do I know.....

Been looking 24 hours here,their dads being highly unhelpful which sets D's off and dd2 is start fret about returning to school/GCSE results,along with potential second wave covid.i would really like a few hours recharge by myself,but it's never going to happen.best I can hope for is maybe an hour.am planning to do a face mask and file my nails later with dd2.thinking cheesy pasta with lots veggies for my tea.goid for me and very comforting