I don’t think I want to be here anymore

[Wafflingonagain]

Oh god I started to type this out but there’s so so much I can even include it all. I just thought I’m done

Been thinking of you today, Waffle.

Thank you all again, it’s such a cliche but I’m so touched by the kindness of strangers. Hoping to make a gp appointment in the morning providing they have any left. Have spent the day with my little girl just playing and trying to switch off the darkness in my head.
Thanks you all so much again xx

Been thinking about you too Waffle. I really hope you get the help you need

If there are no appointments available, tempting as it may be DO NOT GIVE UP!!!!! You matter to more people than you realise - including us lot now!!!
Keep posting - let us come on your journey with you, you are not alone

You really don’t want to come this journey, I’d don’t even want to know me I’m such a mess

Well done for having a positive day with your daughter. Many days go by that I don’t find time to play with mine. You are struggling rn, you are not “a mess”. You matter, you just need a helping hand.

I really can’t thank you all enough. “Family” don’t give a shit, she’s just attention seeking, will get over it etc. No child should have to go through what I went through and now I’m realising I am the one who will break the cycle by sticking around and being a mum to my kids and you on this forum have taught me that. Thank yoy

You*

You sound like a great mum to me, your little girl will have loved that you spent the day playing with her. I hope you get an appointment. Go easy on yourself.

now I’m realising I am the one who will break the cycle by sticking around and being a mum to my kids

💕

I don’t even know why I’m posting here, what an attention seeking bitch I should just fuck off silently

That sounds like something someone has told you, someone horrible, rather than your own thoughts.

Whatever you went through as a child wasn’t your fault & shouldn’t have happened!

You CAN be the one to break the cycle, you can be the mummy your children need. Love them - that’s what really counts.

Friends are the family we choose for ourselves

It’s ok to drop contact with so called family who just put you down or let you down. They have NO right to your attention/love or anything else.

Tell the Receptionist it’s an emergency & that if necessary you’ll go down & wait in reception. Take NO crap. Xx

Waffle So good to see you back and have had a good day with your daughter. Get the help you need tomorrow, insist on an appointment. You are an amazing Mum and your daughter will benefit so much for having you in her life. Surround yourself with friends if family aren't helping. You can and are a survivor which is the best lesson ever that you can give your daughter.

@Wafflingonagain you sound like a lovely mum, despite how you were parented. I'm so sorry for that little girl that was you, not getting what you needed. I'm so pleased your little girl shall have a better shot at this than you did.

Sending you a big hug, and a strong back to lean on, when you feel the need.

Your little girl will have LOVED spending the day playing with her mummy.

Best of luck tomorrow seeing the GP.

Hello, love, and so glad you’re here and posting. You are irreplaceable and I’m sure your little girl would tell you the same. Trauma distorts how you think and feel, and I hope you are getting some support with your ptsd. You can heal from this in time. If you can, find a good trauma-informed counsellor or psychotherapist - they can really help you.

Can you share with us a positive moment from today something funny or something that made you smile when playing with your little girl? Your being a great mum and they love you deeply keep trying the GPS just talking is a great start.!

You really matter. You do.

Xx

OP, the only way from rock bottom is up.

I haven't seen the whole thread but make a GP appointment, call Samaritans, keep to us on here.

Your daughter needs her Mummy and you deserve to live a happy life cx

Oh @Waffle, I got goosebumps reading your last update! You sound so determined and it’s amazing so ‘hear’ you say those words! Yes, you WILL break that cycle, because you are taking all the right steps! So proud of you and I don’t even know you. But I know how desperately hard it can be to just put one foot in front of the other, and yet here you are, 24 hours on and you sound so different to last night. It’s wonderful, thank you for coming back on.
I know you probably still feel awful, but just look at you tonight, making plans for tomorrow to get better bit by bit. And as a PP said, we would love to walk alongside you if you let us. We all need encouragement and unfortunately sometimes it’s not the people ‘closest’ to us who can provide it.
I feel a mess at times too, and I would bet that 90% of the posters on this thread would say the same. Your MH does not define you or any of us. No matter what you think right now, you are an amazing person and you are loved!
Sleep well tonight! xx

I know exactly what you mean about family and breaking the cycle.My family has been incredibly cruel to me in the past. I’ve had some lovely things said on here to me. This is a brilliant community. Keep posting.

So happy to see your post today.

Feel proud OP, one day your children certainly will. The strength of your love and commitment to your children is awesome. Keep reaching out when you need to. You are deserving of all the help you need and the children are deserving of their mum receiving it too 🌼

I should have just read down a bit and I'd of seen your update silly me!

Proud of you and your positive attitude towards getting better, I've been where you are. Keep us updated and sending love to you xx

Hello @Wafflingonagain, how are you doing? xx

Hi, @Wafflingonagain ! I hope today is going well.

Hi @Wafflingonagain, how’s today gone? Did you manage to get an appointment? Any plans for you and yours this weekend? Big treat for me - I’ve got a £ shop face mask!!!!!

Thank you all again. I’m still here, managed to get a docs appointment and they’ve tweaked my meds, I won’t feel the benefit for a couple of weeks so I’m trying to plough through. Having issues at home that aren’t helping and self harm is at the forefront of my brain. But I’m alive so that’s something I guess