Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

I don’t think I want to be here anymore

203 replies

Wafflingonagain · 02/02/2020 00:02

Oh god I started to type this out but there’s so so much I can even include it all. I just thought I’m done

OP posts:
Screamqueenz · 02/02/2020 00:21

I promise nothing is that bad that you can't pull yourself back.
Talk to us, please.

anothernamejeeves · 02/02/2020 00:21

Is there any specific one thing troubling you?

Original poster
Wafflingonagain · 02/02/2020 00:21

I truly think she would be, I have bpd, ptsd and depression and I’m trying so so hard not to pass it on to her and my son

OP posts:
mnthrowaway202020 · 02/02/2020 00:22

Why do you think you’re fucking your children up?

SummerWhisper · 02/02/2020 00:23

Are you in a safe place? Are you at home? Thanks so much for replying. It means a lot to us that you reply Flowers we are with you Flowers

anothernamejeeves · 02/02/2020 00:23

I'm sorry but you ask any child who has lost a parent particularly to suicide they will never say they felt they were better off without their parents. Your kids love you unconditionally you are all they have ever known and no matter what want and need you around

isthepopea · 02/02/2020 00:24

A friend's mum committed suicide when she was around your daughter's age.

My friend is late 40s and never, ever got over it.

You are literally irreplaceable to your children. They only have one mum and I can promise you that they need you.

You need help and that's ok. We all do sometimes.

Screamqueenz · 02/02/2020 00:24

You're going through a tough time, it's Okay to reach out.
Your children love you, I am sure of that, and clearly you love them. X

mnthrowaway202020 · 02/02/2020 00:24

I have bpd, ptsd and depression and I’m trying so so hard not to pass it on to her and my son

Well, let’s be honest here. Losing their lovely mum (especially in such a horrible way) could realistically lead them towards PTSD and depression as it’s so traumatic. She’s 9, that’s so young to be able to process something like this. She needs you.

Original poster
Wafflingonagain · 02/02/2020 00:25

I was under the crisis team and went through a course then they discharged me and left me with my meds and my head. I don’t even know why I’m posting here, what an attention seeking bitch I should just fuck off silently

OP posts:
UndertheCedartree · 02/02/2020 00:25

@Wafflingonagain - I have all those things too and worry about my children a lot too. That is because you're a good mum, that you care. I know this sounds silly but try to think of what you can do to just get through the next 5 minutes. Like make a cup of tea, put some washing on, smoke a cigarette. Do you have any coping skills you have learnt to deal with the BPD? I could suggest some, if you like?

bitheby · 02/02/2020 00:25

She would be so much worse off if you died. I don't think anyone truly ever gets over something like that in childhood.

SummerWhisper · 02/02/2020 00:26

As far as I know, those things are ate not passed on. You are not risking or damaging your children. They will do you proud. Imagine them graduating, having a job they love, starting a family. You have so much to live for but it's understandable that you feel down right now. There is help. Are you in a safe place? Flowers

anothernamejeeves · 02/02/2020 00:26

No you shouldn't
A problem shared

Boredbumhead · 02/02/2020 00:26

Your daughter is much better with you. You are her world.

Cheeringmeup · 02/02/2020 00:27

You are not alone - share what you feel comfortable with.
Your daughter would not be better off without you, please don’t think that. Focus on her to get you through this hardest time.
Whatever is going on, please know that it can get better and that things can improve.
We’re all here for you x

Monsterjam · 02/02/2020 00:27

You are not attention seeking you are seeking help which is a whole different thing. What course did you do with the crisis team? Did it teach you any techniques to cope when you feel like this?

Original poster
Wafflingonagain · 02/02/2020 00:27

I can’t do this anymore

OP posts:
SummerWhisper · 02/02/2020 00:27

Are you at home Wafflingonagain? I want to know that you are in a safe place Flowers

Original poster
Wafflingonagain · 02/02/2020 00:28

I’m sorry I posted and dragged you into my shit

OP posts:
UndertheCedartree · 02/02/2020 00:28

@Wafflingonagain - you are not an attention seeking bitch. You are asking for some support like hundreds do on MN everyday. I think it would be a good idea to book an emergency GP appointment tomorrow.

Seren85 · 02/02/2020 00:29

Please please call someone. If you don't want to talk to someone that you know, please call the Samaritans. Number above. You are a good mum, because you care about being a good Mum. The rubbish ones don't notice! You are worthy. You're important. It doesn't feel that way now but it is categorically true. Just please call someone.

Worriedteacher2018 · 02/02/2020 00:29

Don’t leave your child. She loves you. Reach for any help you need. You can get through the night and on into tomorrow. You are valued. X x

Ancientruin · 02/02/2020 00:29

@wafflingonagain

Please carry on ‘waffling’ talking

Fuzzywuzzyhadnohair · 02/02/2020 00:30

You are posting because you are a good mum who wants help. It’s not attention seeking. Your daughter would not be better off without you, the fact that you even think that shows how far you would go to put her first but it’s not the right way. Please keep talking here and phone the Samaritans, there is help out there and you don’t have to feel this way.