Can someone 'sit' with me?

[Youtwohumpedcamel]

I have MH problems. This week I've been especially unwell.

It's all come to a head tonight. And I'm wanting to SH.

I don't really know exactly what I'm wanting from this thread. I feel incredibly lonely and I'm struggling with all my thoughts. I don't know what to do.

Can someone keep me company please?

Well I'm around to chat. By the way, you're strong, you're beautiful, and you've got this.

I know exercise is good but I'm lazy about it - but
just walking around the room really does help. Just anything to distract yourself from yourself. Smash those intrusive thoughts down.

Another thing I was told - the connections in your brain are kind of like water finding channels and the thoughts tend to run down the old anxiety ones by default, but you can make dams by practising changing to another thought every time your mind does this, and after a while the water will consistently go down the channel you want.

Other things - you know those phrases like 'I'm all over the place' or 'up the walls' or 'pull yourself together' - they're all signifying when your mind is flying around away from your physical body which is actually in a very safe place. So your mind and body aren't connected. Probably not phrasing that very well... But concentrating on feeling the floor under your feet and hugging yourself might help. Just standing in your socks and feeling the floor. It's safe and it's not moving. Try feeling it with each toe and part of your foot. Give yourself a hug with your arms. Squeeze yourself tight. I tap my breast bone sometimes. Lightly pressing your forehead just above the start of your eyebrows is supposed to help too. You could do a little routine of walk, hug, stand, hug?

Thank you so much. It's so hard fighting against your own head isn't it?

I did a type of yoga that was kinda like yoga dance?? That was really good, loads of videos on YouTube. I might do some of that tonight, especially as I can put YouTube on the Tele now. That analogy makes sense, some dams would be great. I've had mental health problems all of my life, for as long as I can remember. I must have been and 7 or 8 when I tagged, I remember just suddenly realising that there was something wrong with me, that I was different.

That makes a lot of sense, I often feel disconnected from my body. I do similar with blankets/duvets, to me they are safety. They feel warm and soft, comfy and safe. I thought k might have a bath too. Baths do similar, make me feel safe. Maybe because they're both encompassing? I can definitely try those things, I've heard of the forehead one.

I've made it through the day time! My son goes to bed in 10 mins so I'll have something to eat then.

Tagged = twigged

Great. Make sure you're eating things you both enjoy and are healthy for you. You deserve the best.

Have you heard of gravity blankets? I am very tempted to get one but they're quite expensive - but maybe with your inheritance you could put some money aside for one? Apparently it's a blanket that is like a hug. Supposed to be great for stress.

Your mental health and 'difference' is only because your parents were arseholes by the way, you've had a completely normal reaction to that. Don't forget that. It's not your problem it's theirs. There is nothing inherently different about you except exceptionally strong spirit and mental determination. Many other people would have gone under. Sending you mental hugs.

The yoga dance thing sounds great - would you mind sticking up a link if you have a chance?

I made stir fry. It was good. I've now got some chocolate gatteux to eat

Yes I have! It's money I'm owed from somewhere, thankfully no one has died. I hadn't thought of buying one as they're so expensive. But actually I could totally afford one, it'd likely help a lot. I love blankets! Defo going on my list of things!

My stepmum was especially awful. I never met such an evil person. Evil is the only way to describe her.

I can't find the one I used to do, it was great, it start off with 'ain't no sunshine'. But there's loads on YouTube. YouTube search Body balance and les mills. Yoga to pop music is much more fun! I've actually just remembered how I used to do it with my daughter, so so funny watching her do it. Maybe I'll do it with the kids tomorrow, it'll be great!

Do - something to look forward to.

I'm very tired this evening - I took it into my head to set the alarm to see the moon eclipse. I got up and it was cloudy so I saw nothing. I did go back to sleep but I think it wrecked my sleep a bit.

I sometimes used to do yoga with my other half, just used to end up in fits of laughter because it was so funny watching him trying to get into the poses
luckily he didn't mind, I think it could be really fun doing yoga with little children
it's great you do that with your daughter I bet she loves it and thinks her mummy is great fun to be with🤗

I'm off to bed shortly, Camel. I hope you're doing ok.

Yoga with an OH sounds fun too! I'm pretty sure my bf is breaking up with me, atm he's ghosting me. Complete silence so I don't know what's going on. It's not helping how I'm feeling. Yet at the same time I know there's nothing I can do and with feeling how I do, I need to focus on me and being well.

I went to sleep pretty well, but I've woken up now and can't get back to sleep. My heads going at a million miles and I feel really quite unsafe. Having a lot of dark thoughts and starting to make loose plans. I don't know what to do. I could phone the crisis team but I don't know what they can do.

I just want to sleep

Hi OP, sorry you are struggling. Have you ever thought you might be on the Autism spectrum?? Just a few things you mentioned, like being obsessed with numbers, feeling different from a young age. Anxiety & depression can be really common with Autism as it's hard to understand people, you can struggle more with everyday stuff, get tired easily & don't feel like you fit in. I'm Autistic & have found life quite difficult.

There's an online test here, if you're interested.I score quite high, 44!

psychology-tools.com/test/autism-spectrum-quotient

It has been mentioned but not sure.

I'm doing dreadfully today, i feel really unsafe. All these bad thoughts are in my head and I can't stop them. It's like an intrusive brain is in my brain.

I've spoken to my CPN and she's referred me to the crisis team. I'm scared. I've never felt so unsafe.

Camel, I'm so sorry you are feeling so terrible. 3am is the worst time of day. The body is at its lowest ebb. Have the crisis team been in touch? -(I live in Ireland so I don't know the procedure.) Did you get any sleep at all afterwards?

When you're tired everything seems a million times worse.

I actually woke up because of jaw ache, I was clenching my jaw so much in my sleep. My friend was awake breastfeeding so we talked a bit. I went back to sleep at about 5:30 for a little while.

The crisis team phoned, and I'm going to their hospital tomorrow. It's when my son goes to his childminder for a few hours (just to give me a little break) so I can go to that without having to drag him there.

It seems to come in kind of waves. Periods of just so low, so many thoughts, scared and confused.

I bought a notepad today so I could write things down. And earphones too to try and drown out the thoughts.

Nearly time to start the kids tea.

Ear phones are a great idea. DH listens to podcasts to distract himself. I'm more of a reading person though when I was very bad I couldn't read a book so I watched a lot of day time tv - reruns of buffy, homes under the hammer, that kind of thing - and did puzzles. I didn't have DC then! I'm usually not much of a tv person but I wasn't able to read, I just couldn't concentrate.

It's good that you've been able to get an appt with the crisis team Camel, I hope you can let us know how it goes for you.
I can relate to the jaw clenching, I had that a lot when mine were young, it's no fun at all :(
how are you getting on with the notepad?

I find music really helpful. And I love reading, though I'm struggling to read like I can usually. It's so hard being ill like this with kids. I feel like a shit mum.

My CPN is amazing. Worth her weight in gold. She cares, genuinely cares. And does Absolutly what she can. So she's sorted out the referrals. And given me a plan. I think if she wasn't my CPN, we'd be really good friends.

I woke up and my jaw was on fire. So painful it was unreal. Then my head started going and thinking.

I have a plan for tonight. I'll get kids to bed, then have a lovely long hot bath. Probably try and read if I can.

I'm trying so hard to cling on.

Do have a bath. Any chance you could order the gravity blanket sooner rather than later? I get a pain in my face when things are very stressful. Could you massage your jaw a bit when you're in the bath?

Hope you had your bath and are snuggled up under plenty of snuggly blankets.

Hi Camel just wondering how you are.

Your cpn sounds great Camel, how did it go today?