Parents of anxious kids/ teens support thread

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi
Welcome to parents of anxious/ teens thread.idea is to share tips and advice and listen and support each other on days things are getting tougher

Zoo - ah how lovely!! Thank you!! x . Looks positively serene. You are so lucky to have nature at your doorstep! What part of the UK are you in, if I may ask ? DCs look so happy here

East of England Viking
There are 3reservoirs under an hour drive away each with rolling British countryside and pathways to be walked(and some cycled) to enjoy

Zoo - sounds divine, especially this time of year!
My old school friend (more than 30 years ago now ) met and married a man from Huddersfield fresh out of uni and they raised their DCs there. She posts stunning photos of her many hikes and walks in the area on social media. She's close to Bronte Country .

Oh,lovely!!
I'm just over 2hrs nearest beach and smack bang in middle some beautiful English countryside.we have a sea of vivid rapeseed oil fields in the spring summer.this time of year there's lots haybales and ploughed earth.i love autumn when the leaves go hues of red and gold,conkers and acorns falling,the first frost's making tips of long grass sparkle....
(Don't like dark mornings mind,or having to get out of a cosy bed in the dark and finding it's cold enough to rummage for slippers and jumper/bathrobe etc😂)

I love autumn too - crisp, cooler air is almost therapeutic to me. And yes the colours are beautiful!

Hi ladies!
Checking in to see how everyone's weekend has been.
Sending positive vibes for Monday morning!!!

Hi Zoo - hoping worry o'clock is not so bad tonight. Wishing the best for DS (and you!) this week

And positives vibes to everyone here from me as well this week!

Oh gawd. I feel like I’ve really messed up. I’ve always thought of DD as the anxious one but DS has come downstairs in tears two nights in a row. Yesterday he lost one of his transformers in the food court, it’s part of a big combiner one so he was devastated, actually sobbed which he really never does. We luckily got it back this morning. But then we were doing more shopping and he managed to drop the wheels off it and there’s no way those will be found.

Anyway he came downstairs this evening and said “sometimes when I do stuff like that I feel like I’m stupid” 😰 my poor baby 😰

I just think of him as not really being very emotionally aware, and yes he is clumsy and forgetful and impulsive due to his ASD and whatever else is going on (ADHD or sensory modulation disorder are possibles) and I had no idea he ever felt like that about himself 😰

Hi All

Hope you all have good Mondays. Not too hopeful for mine as DD1 was saying today that she can't possibly go to school tomorrow. However, she did admit that she likes school just hates the anxiety. It's quite exhausting really. Sometimes I feel like just giving in and letting her stay home but I know that I would regret it.

Cagliostro - I feel for you. DD1 takes up so much time sometimes with her anxiety that I do worry that I am overlooking any worries that DD2 and DS might have.

Zoo I hope that the first day of the new plan goes well.

Yes that’s exactly it, DD didn’t sleep for years (until she finally got diagnosed with ASD and was allowed to try melatonin which works brilliantly) and DS was always a good sleeper so he just got left to it while we dealt with DD’s meltdowns. And now we have the baby.

I am hoping to get into a better routine which will allow more one to one time with them both on the evenings when DH is home (currently only 3 but could be 4 in future)

Can’t help on the school stuff but it’s good that she admits she does like the school itself, that can be worked with :)

bigbusD's also likes learning,something we can work with as a positive
Cag dd2 has her fair share of issues and hindsight has noted this has been brewing for a longtime-we always thought he was ok and coping as dd2 was at the forefront..watching lil zoo she's a perfectionist who hates making mistakes so in reality I'm surrounded by them and trying keep on top everyone's needs isn't easy!don't beat yourself up over it.parenting is a constant adaption of need and I'm more often than not caught on the back foot over it!!
Viking thanks for good wishes.dp was around to pick up some slack last night.downside he had D's in our bed watching David Attenborough on his phone and D's was still there when I came up so was three in the bed(also known as mum has two inches of bed to cling to)I always fall asleep in minutes and woke up to find him snoring away on DP side!

What a great idea for a thread! I have the great combination of an anxious 11yo and a 7yo with ADHD.

Welcome Philomena
How has your Monday morning started?

We got off to a good start.ear defenders deffo helped with traffic.we been big up the baby steps school are asking of him and he was anxious but not hysterical.so proud of him as he walked off without any meltdowns with keyworker!!I'm now stood in student services waiting for him to return
Today he's in the library hunt for reference books on insects and trees for the state of his what lives and grows here project

I have CBT this morning,so dad's with me to watch him

Cloudy and damp here,but my heart's singing as we got here and he's in there.may not be everyday but chinks of positivity go such a long way!!

Hope others having reasonable starts to the week

Apart from me miscalculating how long DD needed to get dressed after a week off school with a sicky, headachey cold, not too bad! We still got to school on time and nobody screamed! I'm currently enjoying a bacon baguette, a banana and a large caramel latte in the Sainsbury's café before I do the shopping.

Welcome Philomena

Cag - melatonin is a life saver, isn't it? DS1 has been using it for years to sleep.

Big - sigh, the exhaustion of reasoning to get your kid to school when they don't want to. We've been there. One day at a time .

Zoo - I'm elated for you!! These little steps will certainly boost DS' confidence. One step at a time .

Dark and rainy morning here. Trying to motivate DS1 to do his science work. Told him my intention was to scan completed work tonight back to his teacher.
Parent fail - didn't notice DS2 had a bunch of spelling and grammar homework over the weekend. Will have to help him with the whole lot of it tonight.

Life has changed infinitely since we got the melatonin! Came in the nick of time too as she was given it a little while before the baby arrived. We have had three breaks from it now I think, as you have to take a couple of weeks off now and then.

I’m so touched out today with grumpy baby and clingy DD that I hid in the kitchen to eat my lunch at the counter 😳😳😳

cag hope you manage sneak in at least a short bit peace n quiet
Philomena no screaming on school runs a win!
Viking you can only do so much,if you forget something don't be hard on yourself

DS managed 20mins in library.im so proud of him.hes had couple wobbles today-horrible taking unit was packed(I waited an hour for a test today) and he's had another two wibbles at intervals with no certain cause.we revving up for nightime now,so glad dad's been around last couple days to give me a bit of a hand.he micromanaged D's last night so I didn't have to.pity it was in our bed so I woke up twice cling to edge with cat complaining but chew my toes as I was trying to stretch legs out !!

Glad he made it zoo very good sign!

@Stilllivinginazoo so pleased for your DS

@Bigbus my children are similar ages but I'm a single parent DD1 (12) DD2 (10) and DS (5)

We had a good week last week. DD1 managed afternoons in school Tues-Friday but when I started to get her ready today she freaked out. She got dressed and hair brushed etc then she kicked her door and broke it, attacked me, then wrote "kill xxxx" (her name) all over the upstairs of the house (on furniture etc)

I took her with me to a shop when she'd calmed down just for something to do. When we got back she stormed off in the rain with no coat etc

I was on the verge of calling the police when she came home

I've been chasing up camhs again (we moved house and were supposed to be transferred but it's taking forever) they seemed to take this recent escalation seriously thank goodness. Hopefully we will see someone soon

Her missing school today doesn't bode well for the rest of the week, I can't imagine her going in now this week, or after half term

Oh Rain - hugs and for you on this difficult day. Is this the first time DD attacked you? Hopefully camhs will contact you very soon as it sounds like they are taking it seriously. How are you coping personally?

The screaming resumed after school.

We've started new routines with DS2 to cope with the ADHD, but DD's easily wound up so she'll scream at him, we're all supposed to be really calm and quiet after 4.30, so I'll take her tablet off her but she'll fight me, I know that's not helping her anxiety, but I also have to deal with DS2's ADHD and help him sleep in, so I'm at a loss as to how to help them both simultaneously. DS2 has also learnt that pretending to cry and lying that DD's hurt him will get her into trouble.

Philomena it's very tough trying to juggle everyone's needs isn't it?
We are currently on devices ban as was causing lots issues between my lot(dd2 watch content inappropriate for youngest but let her watch it after youngest kept sneaking tablet upstairs at night etc)it's a rough storm as they all play up without them but I am adamant I'm not backing down over this!!
I was surprised how reliant they become onthen to entertain themselves.dd2 was livid 24hrs,but has actually picked up a book last night.....youngest still fighting for technology,but I'm hoping she will eventually realise she can amuse herself in other ways.not an easy ride tho...I shut myself in the kitchen for ten minutes sometimes and just try to breathe deeply and calm down or we all can end up yelling at each other!
Rain I'm so sorry things you're doing were so difficult yesterday.hope cahms get back to you quickly.do you have much RL support/help?

DS was hardwork last night.i slept on sofa as he came down insistent couldn't sleep/needed to be with me.am exhausted today.hes got it into his head snickers bars are deadly (dd1 has anaphylaxis,bit has never had a dangerous attack since adrenaline pen was prescribed/allergy tested and that was long before he was born.shes also allergic sesame but he eats sesame breadsticks,so no logic there)a workman on Friday left a snickers wrapper on kitchen floor(it was windy,door was open whilst they worked and I believe it blew out if his toolbox not deliberately littered) his dad stood on the wrapper and D's convinced as dad's been in his room in those slippers his floor is not dangerously contaminated...logic won't come into play and I walked away last night refusing to engage so started slapping himself round the face.dad spoke to him as youngest got very upset.not a great evening/night!!
Hoping today's a little smoother..a walk around grounds with keyworker looking for insects/trees/what lives and grows

Sooo day two
Not too bad,two very loud boy racer exhausts when we were almost at school unnerved him a bit more than I would've liked(glad of ear defenders we got at the weekend)so was jittery on entry but he went off to walk the centre paved area with keyworker(has brick planted areas with trees and shrubs) he returned within couple minutes in full panic.we looked thru his reference books then keyworker suggested a lap of the area.i said as it's damp today why not count spider webs.we all took a guess how many he could count them off they went again.i was really proud of him for having another go,so whilst wasn't easy he did a good effort!!
How's everyone else doing?

Zoo - your DS is making gains - well done! There will be setbacks of course (such is life ) but he can build upon his steps forward.

Just got off the phone with DS1' psychiatrist to set up meeting with the school team. Hate dealing with it all but it has to be done.
I echo stress re: juggling everyone's needs. This is the first year DS2 is doing pretty well ....thankfully, as otherwise couldn't deal with DS1's problems. Previous years it was DS2 and school refusal because he was not properly accommodated. Now he gets bussed just outside our neighbourhood to a different school that can accomodate his learning needs. Vast improvement and alot happier but he has still has the occasional 'can I stay home?' and the odd complaint. Can't handle both DSs falling apart at the same time so this better not be a pattern!

Let's keep everything crossed(except eyes or we shall fall over our own feet!!) That kids continue to take turns,not try and all meltdown together