Parents of anxious kids/ teens support thread

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi
Welcome to parents of anxious/ teens thread.idea is to share tips and advice and listen and support each other on days things are getting tougher

nastycats that's amazing!well done DD for trying thatI'd be feeling super proud in your place
30mins was disaster this morning(I knew from the off he wasn't going cope) he was in a spin and they ask him go with them and wouldn't.theyre no classing this as refusal and note go gave us offers poor attendance ,not none so we need another note or be fined.
Trying again tom,dif time(later when roads are quieter) and see he can try an hour.im not hopeful tbh and am feeling very depressed today it's all getting on top of me

Be kind to yourself Stilllivinginazoo.

I've had couple major wobbles Viking I know I'm getting into dangerous territory for my own MH so tonight I'm cooking myself a nice risotto once he's been sent up with his little sister to read(older sister is very firm about having bit time with me to herself so we eat tog n watch TV❤️)and whilst his teas cooking go try quick tidy up so state house isn't adding to my mental load

Hope everyone's had a reasonable day!!

Stilllivinginazoo - I am sorry everything is so difficult for you at the moment. I hope the week improves and you feel better in yourself.

Stilllivinginazoo I can relate with MH. I am on ADs and thinking about taking stress leave from work. On the other hand, work helps to distract my nerves and intrusive thoughts. Think I need therapy too.
Taking DS to new appointment this afternoon and I don't know how he'll react. I wish I can just stay under this duvet all day but have to get ds2 ready for school and then off to work until the appointment. Hoping for a little hand hold and hoping to hear positive news from you and other posters about their children today.

Hi can I join in please?

I have a 14yo dd with anxiety, social anxiety. Long story, it started 2 years ago when she had a traumatic incident with a relative. She self harmed, was taken to gp, referred to camhs but turned away as not unwell enough. Has been having private counselling for 2 years now.

She cannot go out alone, needs someone to be with her otherwise she'll just not do it. Her friends m picks her up for school and drops her home as it's on the way. If friend isn't in school for whatever reason then she'll say everything to avoid going in. I have to be on the other end of the phone from work while she walks there and back. Walks through muddy fields instead of on main roads just to avoid traffic. Or more specifically the drivers, in case they see her. If she knows she has to walk alone she'll be vile towards us, shouting, attitude and so on.

She won't go anywhere such as supermarket, cinema, shopping etc even with us. So all clothes / uniform shopping is done online or without her there. A lot of arguments if clothes don't fit or suit.

I have a history of anxiety and depression and new diagnosis of ptsd. Caused by same relative that hurt her. She's now back in touch with them through her own choice and hearing how upset they make her, triggers me.

It's a constant cycle and I don't know how to break it. I don't know how to help her anxiety and make her more independent. Her life is just being wasted by sitting at home

One of her biggest fears is crossing roads at traffic lights, as she fears the driver sitting watching her cross the road. Puts a lot of pressure on family and friends to walk right beside her when crossing and gets angry / upset if they're one step in front or behind.

I was at my gp last week due to my own anxiety and I mentioned my dd. He asked for a reminder of her auto and I'd said she's now back in touch with relative. He said apparently it's good for "character building "

How did i not see this thread before??

Hi all,.ive been open about my dsd anxiety and mental health on other threads but you never really want to go into major detials as it can derail the op thread.
My dsd is 14 shes been living with us full time for a year now. (Unfortunatly alot of damage was done by mum, although mum doesnt relise or accepts it and wasnt done purposly if that makes sense)
She self harms, has attempted suicide multple times, tries to starve herself. She has cycles of eposides we are currently on week 5 so expecting a spin down next week. We are under cahms weekly, and she is schooled at home by the local hospital education team. We are having a review meeting next week to try and inttoduce to the idea of going in to a small deucation setting with other kids who are not in school due to ill health.
Shes watched 24/7 sleeps in our room as she doesnt trust herself (she has hacked all her hair off before when she couldnt access somethibg to cut with) sounds alfuw bit im constantly looking for things she may use, coke can pulls, dressing gown cords, handbags, drawing pins, paperclips. Earings. Sounds terrible bit she has manipulated these in order to harm. She wont stay at mums barely spends a few hours with her. Has a hard time talking to dad. So i am her main carer and the only one she is close enough to talk. I also have an asd son who os struggling with college. Plus 9 yr old whos home with tonsilities and a 15 months old fun times. Oh and ihave siaticia just to make my life more intresting

Welcome mmmbeans my son hates busy roads.hes 12 but I could see him preferring to X muddy fields if was an option.traffic light sounds very stressful

Mamabearx4 welcome aboard.sounds like a rough ride for you.i hope with so many balls in the air you at least get 5mins time out for yourself even if it's a hide in the bathroom moment!we are here for you when the cycle kicks off

Viking good luck.

Sending positive vibes and please do let us know how you get on

Another day,another failure into school here(later time didn't help,nor did a stranger meeting him-theyd promised X as usual teacher was at a meeting,he met her yesterday but total stranger appeared today- he was not only anxious and panicky but her persistence to try get him into class caused him to get very angry.not a side we see normally.which was both shocking and upsetting(he yelled at her and punched a table in student services with lots kids around gawking and sniggering>h es very down and upset now.i think it's really made him feel bad he got angry and is cross with himself(normally a very placid gentle boy)

In other news we have our cahms assessment appointment-8th November

Sending positive calming vibes to everyone today.i will pop back later and see how you are all getting along

Hello new posters! You all have so much on your plates.

I hope cahms can help Stilllivinginazoo. I was just typing this post when Cahms finally called after about 6 months or more to see if she still wants CBT about which I am personally dubious whether it will help but is all they can offer. They could only offer sessions in school-time which I don't think is appropriate as I have only just got her back into school so we have left it she will stay on the list but for a 4pm appointment and if one comes up we can review then. So far this week she has coped very well so perhaps it will all work out...

Fingers crossed cats things continue to flow smoothly.

Dd is home from school. Has said the reason she is the way she is, is because of her parents. Df is abusive and I have mh issues

I get it must be awful for her. It's like a punch to the gut when she says it's partly my fault.

mmmbeans it's hard not to take responsibility and as for guilt- I was told as a mum if you don't have any you aren't doing it properly!
Ultimately we are all a product of our environment to some degree.but children of alcoholic drug addicts don't all become drunken crack heads,so it can't just be what WE are.we are but a small piece of a big picture.
Also remember they spend a substantial hunk of time at school so do you feel the school has an effect?please don't beat yourself up over it
And a final note.teens lash out most at those they feel safest to do it to
Stay strong.keep posting.xx

nastycats that sounds really positive. Hope it all works out.

mmmbeans welcome - I'm sorry it has been so difficult. I remember having low self-esteem and hating to go out at 14. Has your dd self-harmed since the incident two years ago? Try to take care of yourself too - I know it's hard with mh issues.

Mamabearx4 - gosh it sounds so difficult and exhausting. Both my ds1 and ds2 have asd so I understand the stress with school. DS1 is 15 and hasn't been in school since last week - since making threats to others and to himself. He is home now but last week the school called police and he was admitted to hospital for assessment.

Stilllivinginazoo - oh your poor ds. How unfortunate that they had a different teacher meet him! Do you think he needs a break from the daily pressure of trying to attend? Would someone (doctor?) suggest and approve a short absence from school and have work sent home? I don't know - it would feel reassuring if the pressure was taken off of him for a bit.
Thank you so much for your support. I got emotional! Funny that before I found this thread, I had checked out a couple of local support forums that were suggested to me by an agency. But I quickly felt so comfortable on this thread - even though I am in Canada. I might not be of any help in suggesting UK supports and services, but the personal the support to me has been so appreciated.

Viking I find it's a very comforting corner of MN it's that awful feeling of being doo alone with it and face to face support still gives you a slight sense of judgement in facial expressions.we are here purely as a lifeline.others in same boat writing things we can relate to or feel tremendous sympathy for in similar vein.i hope your doc appt with DS went/goes ok(no idea of time difference!!)
School are not being very helpful tbh.doc gave note giving him a poor attendance reason but school are saying as current no attendance(turn up but going home) isn't adequate.hes had nothing educationally supporting in nearly 3wweks,nor are there any offers in pipe line so I've started doing a few simple maths questions etc to stop him rusting over
We took stroll in forest this pm.he lives it there so I ask him to verbalise why it's so special think what the smells,sounds,things you see and feel that add to it.we came home and he wrote a beautiful piece about it and we are planning to use it during major anxiety attacks as a simplified visualisation exercise.i have couple photos on my phone and he has the words.in mid panic I think it's too hard imagine things easily...fingers X it helps a little!

Lives in thereloves it there!!

Signing in, hi zoo and everyone.

Mum to anxious 11yo here, she is (high functioning) autistic and home educated due to school being hell for her.

Puberty approaching and I’m not sure what’s worse, the hormones actually causing mood swings etc or the anxiety and obsession over why she isn’t as developed as some of her peers 😰

Oh everyone has been so lovely thank you.

I'll definitely take on board all the helpful advice and try not to beat myself up about it too much.

She hasn't self harmed for 2 years however she has had urges and she also threatens to when she can't get her way. Which is really hard.

We're in the process of trying to organise extra tutoring for exams next year and keep having to turn away the tutors who are only available to come to our home before we are back from work. She'll not be with them alone, not even family friends.

Really sorry to hear of everyone else's struggle but so pleased there is this thread.

cag welcome aboard!hope things are relatively settled at yours tonight!

DS not having a good evening.hes deffo worse after 6pm....

Hello, all. Glad to have found this. Dd is 14 and has social and separation anxiety, plus health anxiety. She had counselling this year and is trying to put helpful things into practice, eg mindfulness and breathing techniques.

Off to read the rest of the thread.

Hello everyone, especially new posters.

I am very interested to hear if the coping techniques work long-term. Cahms gave dd some but they were not very easy or helpful and this is one reason why i am wary of putting too much hope in CBT. Also that people I know who have had it did not find it useful. I know it's something we will need to try if dd's anxiety starts really affecting her all the time again.

Sympathy to all those who have children who have problems with self harm. Earlier this year dd was hitting herself, banging her head and cutting her hair but has managed to control these urges recently although she still gets them. I really fear this starting again, especially as I used to self harm and know how hard it can be to stop. I hope all your children recover and can stop hurting themselves. Being a parent has so much to it I never expected!

Hello everyone,

I wonder if I can please join? My little girl is only six and suffers from anxiety. She says she has stomach aches. We have visited numerous doctors and none of them can find anything wrong. When I pick her up from school, she is either terribly quiet in the car, angry or cries. She is sleeping a lot but is then awake at night. She says she can't sleep because of nightmares that she doesn't want to talk about. I have gathered she has problems making any sort of close friendships at school although she plays with other kids. She finds schoolwork easy and is a bright, helpful little girl. Last year we did some CBT but she was very young for it and I'm not sure it was of much help.

I feel incredibly helpless. What ages were your children when their anxiety became apparent. I feel so helpless and at a complete loss as to what to do next and what the future may hold.

This thread is hard to read but also a great support.

does your dc find the mindfulness techniques helpful?

I have no idea what to do from here. 2 years of counselling and little progress. Has anyone's dc overcome their anxiety, or at least improved?

Warm welcome to all new posters!

Cagliostro my high functioning asd DS struggled at this age also. I've also wondered how much of an impact hormones and puberty had.

NastyCats thank you for your lovely post, especially the last paragraph. And yes, parenting definitely has moments we never expected! This morning I tried not to feel sorry for my situation after looking at a photo on the wall of me cradling my then 7 month old sweet baby boy.

Stilllivinginazoo oh how lucky to live near a forest! I've lived in a large city my whole life so don't have that luxury. I forgot to ask how your risotto was the other night . I hope your DS can get some sleep and be able to face the day tomorrow. He sounds like such a lovely young man. My d's appointment today was our first mutual parent-child counselling session. Incredibly hard at times. It was at a youth clinic as we won't be able to get an appt with the psychiatrist for another month. Making an appointment for myself soon to take time off work for this. DS now wants to be homeschooled full-time .

Jackietheduck it's wonderful you are proactive with your young dd. It sounds as though she has a lot going for her. Has her gp recommended anything else - I can see how she may be a little young for CBT.

to all

welcome jackietheduck my D's has always been on the anxious side but we just wrongly assumed he was coping.my youngest D's(known as lil zoo when I talk of her on another unrelated thread) is horrifically shy and frets if can't get things right first time.if you are ok based I'd recommend relax kids.they run 6 week workshops(hour a week)and are for children aged 5-11.groups are small (maximum is 10 kids I think)and they are designed to boost wellbeing using relaxation,mindfulness and positive affirmations.lil zoo did a "time traveller" course and they practised being in the time period(eg I remember they did Egyptians and stretched like cats)each week she bought home a positive affirmation card(I am brave was one)and she really benefited from it.i follow our local groups on FB.another one recently has been "monster play" - learn to make friends with the emotion monsters you have.built up her confidence a bit and I'm eager for her to attend another set before she's too old(11 end this month)I've recently heard that they're launching a teen version beginning of next year.i will be watching out for that! Welcome also to eel*(scrolling is hard on my phone and my capacity to remember names is awful so tend shorten everyone's)

Cats I've heard CBT often requires continued practise.along the lines of build a new path in your brain telling it this is safe/ok but it's a new path and the longer (and more deeply entrenched) path is still thereand habit send brain to that one so need keep practising goto new path until that becomes the automatic entrenched goto.id say from that its ongoing to remind brain not to revert?

Vikinghope long term the counselling helps.how do you feel about home ed?I'm super lucky to live in a town but have countryside pockets within 20minute walk.we have an old disused traintrack converted into a path that cuts thru glorious countryside and I cross a nature reserve walking lil zoo to school(in order for a supermarket to build on an old golf course that had badgers etc company struck deal with the council the rest of the land can never be built on and will remain wild and open to the community)so we are truly blessed to have green spaces (other than parks) where after a few minutes there is no traffic sounds and it's very soothing to the soul.there are two forests locally(about 20/25min drive in different directions)our favourite we can access on foot following footpaths off the disused railway line.i can't drive and walk everywhere so distance had never stopped me,it's a 3.5hour round trip but the kids love it as there's always horses and they ve grown up loving the freedom of running in front climbing trees and exploring!

Hope everyone wakes up ready for a new day regardless of the challenges ahead!!
Will check in later

Hope everyone is managing as best they can today .

zoo description of where you live sounds divine - had to read it twice . Can't do homeschooling as I work full time. Plus my 10 year old would want the same and I couldn't handle both of their needs.

Contacted my gp about stress leave. Picking up my letter Tuesday morning.