Parents of anxious kids/ teens support thread

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi
Welcome to parents of anxious/ teens thread.idea is to share tips and advice and listen and support each other on days things are getting tougher

Oh zoo, you poor dear! How exhausting...I agree, there was no ideal way to get through your evening tonight. We all have days we wish we could erase from memory. I hope you're able to get some sleep - you are an amazing mum

Hello bigbus

I have a younger DS who's 10 and I definitely worry about the impact of our situation with DS1 who is almost 16. When DS1's anxiety escalated over the summer he scared DS2 with some things he said. I'm still on eggshells when the two are together because I don't know what DS1 might say...and there is a 5 1/2 year age difference between the two. How old are your younger Dcs?

Morning all
Panic stations as have council in today to fix up a new sink unit and long worksurface
Ocd for me as mould under sink and strangers touching stuff,anxiety for D's at noise it was always going to be a tricky start!!
Empty all cupboards and shove in my room whilst he's gasp and pacing
Girls have gone to school(dd2 dropping youngest) I go try eat somethingother than heroes and try keep D's busy.its the waiting for them to appear that's hardest as app is anytime 730am-6pm!!

Viking it's hard balancing everyone's needs and my D's doesn't have his usual brain to mouth filter when he's anxious and last night scared lil zoo half to death that UK spiders can bite!!(rarely do and not poisonous)then we have the guilt after that he said such things as he's a tactful kind child and hates seeing anyone sad

Goodness Zoo what a difficult situation. You really are amazing for managing all of this.

My dd1 (the anxious one) is 12, dd2 is 10 and ds is 6. I think they’ve become accustomed to the shouting to some degree which is sad. Actually things had been much better at home but this morning was very difficult as dd1 was very anxious. DH does not help. He’s always at work and when he is at home his idea of helping is to do the washing up (very helpful I know, but he leaves all the emotional stuff entirely to me).

This morning was pretty traumatic as I had to pretty much force (not physically!) a very sad dd1 out of the door but honestly I think once she stops going to school it will be really hard for her to go back. I feel a bit shit to be honest.

bigbus I think you are right.school prating around giving D's gaps at home have made it incredibly hard get him to go in now
I don't live with dp,never have(we both have anxiety and depression and when he's unwell I can't cope with him as his mum raised him to do as he pleases she was fearful if didn't get would kill himself she lost a partner to suicide which didn't help ) so I totally get being on the frontline by yourself all the time
I've learned if they're in a spin rarely remember what was said so try not to feel so bad.
We can only do the best we have to offer at any given time,as long as we give that no one has right to ask more of us

zoo has council arrived yet? Hopefully they can be in and out quickly so you can get on with your day x

Don’t feel I can contribute anything useful today as I had a panic attack myself and we are staying in 😣 feel horrendously guilty.

It was useful to remember fight or flight OR FREEZE though as it has helped me to understand why my panic attacks are how they are - I don’t do the hyperventilating shaking etc you see on tv, I call them slow burn attacks as they just build up and I feel paralysed by them and just can’t talk to anyone, I try really hard not to let the kids see it.

DD knew I’m not well though (been having ovary pain which is partly why I was panicking in case it gets worse while we are far from home)

We are having a chilled evening

cag if they at noticing age can you have a "panic box" I did a mental health group when mine were little that we had a box we only ever used when we felt iffy,be it very depressed,panicky,whatever.it had quiet toys in it for when nerves are frayed,few cheap treats(things like stickers etc not food)arty things perhaps as they aren't toddlers,books,puzzles etc.gives you a little bit of respite if you need to just be still and quiet and you can adapt to all their ages DEP what goes in?just takes pressure and guilt off you a bit

Can you believe I mixed up days?!it's tomorrow council are coming so it's bloody nightmare of dp taking lil zoo to hospital for bloods before school(kids dept open 8-1130)drop lil zoo and I'm hoping council have us first on list so it's done n dusted before 10 else I'm flying solo at meet at school...I hate how disorganised I'm becoming,would never have mixed these dates up a few months back.i blame lack sleep and living on my nerves😢

DD1 and I tried a Rescue Remedy pastille each tonight - it made us go a bit silly! She even said she was looking forward to school tomorrow! I think it's worn off now as she's apprehensive again but at least she is looking forward to the theatre trip tomorrow again which is a bit improvement - although she is very anxious about the tube journey so I've said she can bring her headphones and listen to something on the way. I've also managed to et DH to take the other two to school tomorrow so I can take DD1 so that's good. I can definitely see a slight improvement in things (DS remarked at dinner time 'thank goodness DD1 isn't shouting about her dinner today and DD1 didn't bat an eyelid) and I think it helps that half term is on the horizon. This morning I explained to her that she really has to go to school because once she stops it will be so hard to go back, and I think now that she is not panicking she can get that. This morning was really hard though.

I hope you all have good days tomorrow. I'm definitely hoping for a better day. Zoo I hope your kitchen is sorted quickly.

Bigbus aw,that's great news!!
DS takes rescue remedy drops.hes on the fence how feels about effect as he says body calm but kind still panics?!I think it deffo helps tho
Got my meeting at school today.wish me luck!!

Good luck Zoo I hope it goes well.

Morning all
Had meet today at school
I'm not sure if I've entered a parallel universe or they have back pedalled so far I'm just in a different week....

Plan is..
Monday - into school with a keyworker.goto library and select books on trees and insects.go to SENCO and drop off.come home
Day 2 nature walk around grounds with keyworker,noting insects and trees(if can find his phone take photos also)come home
Day 3-5 30 mins in SENCO working on what trees and insects live on school site with keyworker,go home
Following week half-term
Week after 30 mins continuing above each day.go home.review end of week appropriate increase in time there
Plan is to build confidence and trust in staff whilst do something that engages and interests him...

WOW!!! That sounds really positive! How does he feel about it?

zoo - wow what a change!! Sounds like a good plan, laying out specific tasks so DS won't have to deal with anything unexpected. Fingers crossed for you!

Thanks guys!!
Cag he's bit fearful,asked lots questions about how long has to stay days 1 and 2 but I think once he is there and busy doing something that he lives distraction will take hold

I'm feeling like worst mum EVER .we went kids choir at church tonight as confirmation on Sunday of some of them and D's had awful time.cry and shake thru 40 mins social play(shrinkle colouring and other art n craft activities- I got him to try doing his insect colouring book but he got to upset by various noises so we sat in church ,him crying til singing began)
He panicked throughout the hour but did sing a little(which I felt help his breathing,and I know singings very good for anxiety)he was just this side of hysterical entire time.we sat pee behind everyone and I didn't want to leave as I would've had to make him come out again to come back for the girls afterwards anyway and I'm scared he's avoiding everything and still escalating something has to change.i feel bad making him do it,but am fiercely proud of him for hanging in there and staying to the end.opinions?right or wrong? Doubt myself so much these days....

Hope everyone else has had. Reasonable day

Zoo - don't be hard on yourself. Your son knows you aŕe 100% in his corner. And the fact that he saw how proud you were of him today means so much to him.

Cag - hope you are feeling a bit more settled today. I think many of us with anxious kids struggle with anxiety ourselves. We can relate - not only to our kids but to each other.

Hope everyone has a lovely and peaceful weekend .

I’ve really struggled with DD the last couple of days but it’s all my fault - she can tell when I’m not “right” - she doesn’t see anything dodgy etc but she knows, and she gets clingy, which just really gets to me as I’m autistic myself and hate that “touched out” feeling - I’m actually generally really tactile and cuddly but sometimes I just want to tell her to leave me alone!

I think you did the right thing zoo

Thanks guys

Cag perfectly normal to want reassurance of most important person in our life is off kilter,as is wanting time out feeling out of sorts.but totally get you...dd2 used be like that.gets angry/snappy now.ds wants to be near,lil zoo keeps out the way!!

Things been ok at yours Viking?

Can I join? Dd 17 suffers with anxiety and is doing her A levels this year. Things got pretty bad last week and I took her to the doctors on Friday. He's said he'll refer her for counselling but she doesnt think that's what she needs. I struggle with depression and anxiety and am struggling even more now because of this. I don't know what I can do to help her. I hoped the gp would prescribe antidepressants but he doesn't want to do so. we're giing back in a week. Any point asking again? Does anyone's child take antidepressants and are they helping?

fishhavefeelingtoo welcome
I was told this week as aren't first line of defence (in UK) but we were discussing my dswho is nearly 13.as your DD older I'm not sure not very helpful
Many of us here have anxiety/depression at varying levels.tbh if weren't sufferers before our kids got anxious perfectly normal to develop it as it's a very stressful time and not easy being a parent to a strung out child regardless of their age.my advice here is self care.if you can get a few me minutes take them!!I don't live with my partner so I know it's easier said than done,but a comforting meal/clean hair/painted toenail/reading a book for a bit(insert whatever floats your boat) does help keep you on balances does making sure you do something you enjoy.i love to bake,walk and sing and try and do at least one every other day(don't drive so I walk ALOT but I ment walk somewhere pleasant and quiet)
Sending virtual hugs and and large dose of support

Thank you stillliving

I'm a single parent but it's easier to take me time now that dd is older. I'm just tired of worrying on top of everything else that is difficult.

So you think gps can't prescribe ADs for teenagers?

I hate the thought of her taking medication, but the situation isn't getting better .. next year she'll be at uni on her own and what then? I'd like there to be a solution before then ...

I've recommended headspace app to her etc but she just says it doesn't help .. no idea if she tried it.

Zoo - things are ok...a bit of everything this week. When I don't worry about DS, I shift to some random health anxiety concern.
Psychiatrist signed off DS for one month of school (will do work from home). She doesn't see a particular risk for harm/self harm. Has a concern about eventually transitioning back to school, possibly changing schools although current school has higher level of Sp. Ed support compared to others. DS won't be happy either way when the time comes but we'll cross that bridge when we get there.
Both DS 's get out of control when DH isn't here (he's working) and my nerves are slowly getting frazzled. I don't know how I became so ineffective dealing with them when they are together.

Welcome fish . My DS1 will be 16 in a couple of months- no meds although I feel for you. I've asked about ADs for him on a couple of occasions. Where I live it seems to be one of the last courses of action - depending on the severity. As parents we just want to take their pain away, don't we?

A soothing pic for you Viking local reservoir and forest!( DS and lil zoo running off into the distance!!)

And view of the water...