Parents of anxious kids/ teens support thread

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi
Welcome to parents of anxious/ teens thread.idea is to share tips and advice and listen and support each other on days things are getting tougher

oh my goodness Stilllivinginazoo you have summed up how it feels exactly - it's the seeing your child a shell of what they used to be which I think hurts most because it is painful and is so worrying for the future.

My DD is only 9 and has suddenly developed severe anxiety with daily nausea, some panic attacks, school refusal and tbh refusal to do anything which takes her away from me or her dad. School initially waved away our concerns, but now her attendance has dropped enormously they've decided to take notice it seems and have made a couple of concessions, but don't seem able to suggest much.

GP rubbished my request for CAMHS referral, but second GP agreed it was needed, however I now realise waiting lists are long and our local CAMHS has shocking reviews so I feel at a loss again. We're awaiting assessment, but I wondered if there is any advice on how to go about finding a private counsellor as it seems the only choice??

I had mixed feelings when I found this thread as I feel relieved not to be alone, but extremely saddened to read about all these struggling children and teens. It's heartbreaking. Then to see the empty room where the MP's were meeting to debate youth MH services (or lack of) just reinforces how alarming things are

Serlingwellness - we are getting assessment by psychiatrist with the hope that they can then refer to a psychologist.
Gp should know some private ones, the practice certainly should

Thanks...i will ask at the practice. Hope yoi get the referral

seekingwellness we all get that,wish we weren't here but glad we came!!
Pop in and out,post everyday or occasionally.share good things,small achievements or dump a bad day.we take everything because we KNOW how hard it can be

Well dp has totally lost plot of his MH (depression and anxiety) and unravelled spectacularly yesterday incl ignore us at a church sale and sit outside,sleeping instead play D's when it got too much there and as I was try sell stuff to raise funds paint D's room he was ment be looking after him,refusing any our choices things to do on bright sunny pm,instead opt 45 mins drive to see field sheep and lambs on busy country road.he then parked halfon path of bridge over motorway and expect us trudge back to look at said sheep without footpath and was mad we refused!!he proceed go bed on return ignoring offer take us to shop and when paper lampshade caught fire in girls room melt half bulb...tocap off he left at midnight asking D's to lock door behind him,effectively telling him he was leaving without any reasoning...
Naturally D's didnt sleep,he knew I was exhausted as I'd had trail shops despite having painful hip and palpitations yesterday so he sat alone in his room on his phone fretting( was so sad he didn't wake me)
He's really struggled today
BUT I took him to a fun event at a local wild life area(has a barn in middle that's becoming a community hub)there was a man with giant snails, stick insects,tree frogs,snakes etc and D's sat at back and got to hold some.he LOVED the stick insect best and it was lovely to see him braving a room with other children(about 15?) in and enjoyed,Albeit briefly,the joy of holding the various creatures.so so proud of him❤️

What a mixed day you've had! Sounds very demanding and stressful for you

seekingwellness it was,but I try to hold on to the good bits and we did have some cracking ones yesterday

Hope everyone has a good Easter weekend

Dd worrying about going back to school on tuesday already :(
She has also talked about hoping about a proper diagnosis after seeing the psychiatrist and wondering if she is autistic...

eust we have lots of anticipation anxiety.its exhausting,and frustrating in equal measures.good times wasted and all that.im trying get D's to live in the moment easier said than done and keep reminding anticipation us rarely as bad as reality

I agree zoo. It is so frustrating. So much wasted time when the reality is never that bad.

Snap. My daughter has got in the habit of carrying a plastic cup around all the time incase she's sick due to continual nausea. These past couple of days she's finally relaxed and not needed it which has been amazing but today she's been talking about returning to school and the cups made an appearance

EustaciaVye

'Dd worrying about going back to school on tuesday already sad'

Yes my dd has realised she has pages and pages of home work and cannot remember anything. As well as my trying to help her she is being incredibly rude to me so if it were not for her mental health issues I'd probably just leave her to it.

Seekingwellness that sounds very hard.

Italian- yeh...not gonna lie, it's pretty crap. I just feel for her more than anything. I wonder what the future holds and am quite worried...i imagine it's the same for all us parents and carers on this thread

Seekingwellness "I wonder what the future holds and am quite worried...i imagine it's the same for all us parents and carers on this thread"

I am new here so still finding my feet. Our situation is so mixed. one minute my kids are flying high and doing well the next a loud noise or an unfortunate day has they talking about ending it all. Very, very up and down.

I just feel I need to do all i can to help them and then relax and think I've done my best. I'm very lucky DH helps so much I know some parents have partners who are crappola or simply not there. It just not easy and not what I expected at all.

It is hard on all of us. That why we are here. Dd has been reading up on autism as I mentioned we may ask the psychiatrist about it and she is now pretty convinced she has aspergers. A lot of the criteria seems to fit but I dont know. She has been very open to the idea and is just keen for someone to tell her what is wrong so she can start dealing with it tbh. I dont want her getting her hopes up for an easy solution because I know there isnt going to be one.

EustaciaVye

"I dont want her getting her hopes up for an easy solution because I know there isnt going to be one." I am sure you know autism presents very differently in girls to boys. My girl is not typical which is why (probably) it took to 13 to get a diagnosis.

Also, in one sense, whether she gets a formal diagnosis or not I think you can help your dd (as I am sure you do) with all the normal stuff of self esteem, (being different is OK - and more than OK it is great, it is her, even if sometimes it is hard), doing what works (not having too high expectations on things that are hard while also encouraging), cutting out things that make life difficult (bright lights, crowds, loud noises, stress, etc, not all of them but the ones that work for you.)

Some things that helped, I think, - ear defenders, reminders where needed for stuff in the early days, not putting on pressure re school work, allowing for quirkiness (room decoration), not stressing re cleaning the room (endless task that lead no where and now at 14 she has actually started tidying and decorating of her own free will) and we also went with things (sports etc) for a short time, even though she lost interest quickly.

I don't know if this is teaching your grandma to suck eggs so feel free to ignore.

PS - I also had to bite my tongue a bit (A LOT) and allow her freedom to make mistakes because negative words sometimes led to a meltdown!

Thanks greyhound. That's helpful.

Dd is amazing and she is who she is. Her anxiety is crippling at times and I am convinced it is partly because she is too clever and sensitive. She gets overloaded from a sensory point of view so struggles with noise, crowds, dark etc. Friendships have been ok when 1 on 1 but in y6 she was bullied in a group and that has wrecked her self esteem. She cant read the social cues very well and takes things quite literally.
She has experience school refusal and food refusal along with panic attacks and they are my biggest concerns - the food is really tbh as the options are reducing all the time.
Despite all of her issues she is still top of the class, putting pressure on herself and trying to be this perfect child. She exhausts herself. It breaks my heart

EustaciaVye "Thanks greyhound. That's helpful." Thank you.

Some similarities here too! Although dd is dyslexic. Definitely not top of the class.

We have self referred dd to eating disorder clinic, it is better if caught earlier. PM me if you want to.

XX

DD is 14 and sleeps with light on. Sad to know but good to know these things are 'normal' for some.

Dd is 12 and sleeps with light on. It used to be like Blackpool but just one lamp now.
She got very stressed by sound of a lawnmower outside earlier. :(

Dd is 18 and still falls asleep with the light on but I can go in and turn it off once she's asleep.

I just noticed it's on page 39. Will someone kindly be setting up a second thread? (Whether Stilllivinginazoo or someone else - I'm new so i wouldn't want to take liberties and do it myself!)

Threads stop at 1000 posts,so I will start another soon.we aren't disappearing!!

Gosh you guys were busy yesterday!

Sorry everyone's go so much going on

DS also won't sleep without a light on,used have to be very bright,but as he now joins me every night he's settled for minimum night light...

Greyhound may I ask about room decoration??
We are currently set to start doing D's room.at present it's Oxford blue walls and ceiling with white woodwork,blue furniture,grey metal midi sleeper bed and clutter everywhere!!
We have put couple shades pale green tester paint on walls and I was hoping to go pale green and whitebut few different soft textured blankets.i am worried he might reject it all,or elements won't work we have limited funds to say the least.anything Im obviously about to do wrong?

Also I realised how much things have changed yesterday
I did my usual (clues for egg) hunt and he found it very hard rather than exciting and whilst girls happily had lots candid silly shots eating some chocolate he didn't,and when we were just messing with camera after taking selfies en masse he just wanted cuddle me and smile appropriately..
Lots laughter from the girls,but he was so much less so and it made me feel quite sad
Dp has also totally cracked and stressed over things like no holidays,days out to zoos etc as his anxiety he sees life as a list of to dos that will make everyone happy so know he's thrown as convinced it's going to be utterly miserable from here on in
We actually had a lovely day overall yesterday
Church,egg hunt, slow stroll in sunshine over local nature reserve enjoying sun on our faces,birdsong and watch dogs playing together.(ive definitely learned to take a step back with them all and appreciate little things)after lunch we watched a film then everyone did own thing for a bit(I had a nap.whoo hoo)before regrouping for dinner and group pictures.i sat with him and his new soft toy sheep whilst he show me his space book before he went up for the nightand he gave me lots tactile strokes and cuddles and I hugged him tight and remembered why I love him so dearly

Phew. I knew this thread was here somewhere - very relieved to have found you all.
DD (20) broke down at a family lunch yesterday, as she is suffering from terrible anxiety. She has generally been a happy girl, lots of friends and socialising.
Now at Uni, has a steady BF and summer job which is busy but not intellectually demanding. Drinks alcohol, occasional smoker but no drugs.
I can't bear to see her in such distress, it's heartbreaking.

smokeandbone welcome
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad breakdown.anything particular trigger it?