Parents of anxious kids/ teens support thread

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi
Welcome to parents of anxious/ teens thread.idea is to share tips and advice and listen and support each other on days things are getting tougher

Aah poor thing :( it is escalating really quickly isn’t it, from what you’ve said in our years on Fledgling threads it doesn’t sound at all like he is ever aggressive breaking things etc?

School nurse sounds like a good thing, not nice to have a home visit but will be helpful for them to see him in another environment I think as without the panic of being in the school building he may be better able to describe his feelings and worries.

Is he coping ok when doing the work you’ve set him at home?

Hi rain best of luck to DD for tomorrow.

Ambling along here, anxiety is coming out more as controlling behaviour ATM which is driving me nuts, but I am the same (we are both autistic) so can’t complain. It’s not too bad ATM but am treading carefully where home ed is concerned, she’s doing well with the new workload but tends to rush and I’m trying to push her to do things to her potential. But given her anxieties are deeply rooted in not feeling good enough, especially when it comes to maths (absolutely sure she has dyslexia and/or dyscalculia), I have to be so careful. It’s also really tangled up in her feelings about not starting secondary school - it was a long drawn out decision process and I know she made the right choice to stay out for now, but she also worries about what her old school friends think. So I’m really focusing on making home ed work really well for her needs (DS is quite happy plodding along behind her, he’s 9 and also autistic but without much anxiety or as many learning issues) but it’s wearing me out tbh.

Best of luck tomorrow rain🍀
Let us know how you get on
Cag he is the most gentle boy I've ever known.kind and sensitive.i actually cried see him like that,it's so alien to me

Zoo - you poor things. That sounds horrendous. I'm praying for some peace for you both and for some compassion and understanding from the school and those who are meant to be helping.

Rain - I'm so sorry you and DD are going through this. I do hope you actually get some practical support tomorrow.

Hope everyone else is ok. I feel a bit of a fraud as my dd seems to be coping best of the children on here at the moment. HofY has made her an appointment with the school counsellor for tomorrow and we have only had mild panicking about her French test. Weekends are much better than school days at the moment.

I do hope those of you in real crisis can find help.

@Stilllivinginazoo they are concerned for him spiritually because he broke a box when his brain was in "fight, flight or freeze"?!! 😡😡😡 What about understanding and forgiveness? What about not judging people? Sounds awful, your poor son

Indeed rain
State he's in I'm phoning in tomorrow and making very clear he's not coming in til assessed by MEDICAL PROFFESSIONALS capable of deciding what he can handle at the mo.excuse my French but if don't like it they can fuck off to the far side of fuck off and then fuck off some more

Nasty cats so good to hear DD is in a calm spell.long may it continue!!keep popping in anytime of course

Right I need try and get in some pasta whilst D's is colouring upstairs.in such a spin tonight lil zoo(sister age 10,so younger but they are close) us up there with him in his room so he's not alone in a state(he can't cope with that)

I’m so glad to see “freeze” mentioned. I always felt defective as I don’t do fight or flight. Not sure if that’s down to ASD or learned experience (abused as a child) but it is the bane of my life, I feel paralysed by anxiety. But everyone always says fight or flight only. 💐

Hi Rain. Very sorry to hear about your DD struggling. It is so difficult, especially in a new school. Good luck tomorrow. Fingers crossed.

zoo I'm completely speechless with that woman's treatment of your son at school! Even after poor DS' meltdown, she kept pushing him??? Wtf??? I would have done the same as you, and am happy that the nurse seems to understand! Absolutely agree, do not bring him in until he's been assessed. Poor child's mh is most important right now. Let's be hopeful that this could be a turning point!

cats always good to hear good news! Hope her progress continues.

Cag sounds like you are doing what's best for your DD right now - hope you find some "me" time in there to prevent burn out.

Today was a national holiday, Canadian Thanksgiving- so no school. Tomorrow morning have a Dr. appointment to get a letter of absence from work.
Wishing all a promising Tuesday.

Belated happy Thanksgiving Viking

DD is in school! Only for half an hour, and it's been an exhausting morning but she's gone in! Hurrah!

Congratulations rain wonderful news!!hopefully she can build on that💐

@Stilllivinginazoo thanks, I'm sure that most of her difficulties are the anticipation, not the reality, so I'm really hoping she'll be ok once she's in there

Hello, I'm really pleased to find this thread.I did post a thread in pre-teens before about my dd1 (12yrs, just started yr7) who has anxiety - mostly it's a fear of people vomiting. It makes her really hypervigilant and she told me she always feels anxious. Sometimes it makes her get really angry and agitated but this mostly happens at home and outwardly she can present as ok, but inside she feels terrible. She had been managing well at school (just started secondary) until a boy she was sitting next to said he thought he was going to be sick and she burst into tears and had to leave the room. She said that the teacher who took her out was really nice to her and after a very anxious weekend she did manage to go back to school, so I am really proud of her. Since she has been more open with me about how she feels she has actually been less angry at home (I was starting to get worried about the impact of all the shouting on her two younger siblings).

It also affects what she will eat, where she will go, who she will see. She has a lot of other anxieties as well but this is the worst.

The school said they will look into a school counsellor for her. The GP also says he will refer her. My DH has health insurance through his job so I am wondering about private but was wondering how you go about finding a good psychologist? I saw that some of you have had private counselling so would really value some advice as to how to find the right person. Thank you.

And thanks for starting this thread. Being the parent of an anxious child can be quite a lonely experience, especially if you are the only one they will really talk to.

Welcome bigbus
You are not alone please come and talk to us.no judgement and as we have both UK and further shores on here times vary when people are inline.as thread leader I will always try and pop in as often as I can

Hope everyone's getting on ok today!
I kept D's home.he has escalated significantly after yesterday's "set to" at school with staff
Doctors tomorrow.ive seen her before with anxiety/depression and she's lovely so I'm hopeful she will at least have some ideas for us!

Oh gosh bigbus I am a recovering emetophobe myself so deep deep sympathy. It doesn’t rule me as much anymore but that fear when I have even the slightest idea that someone might be sick... it’s instant and all consuming. My DD has been through phases of it too when younger, mainly to do with herself being sick so food became an issue for a while. I bet in a big school with germs everywhere it’s awful, especially this time of year as “freshers flu” does the rounds at the start of term :(

Zoo I’m really glad you kept him home today. Fuck them. They have made your boy so much more unhappy through their vile behaviour yesterday 😡😡😡

Ok day here as we had friends round and that really seems to be helping, combining social time with learning (doing anything remotely academic in front of friends was a huge no for ages due to bullying). Some worries last night about periods again. I don’t think she will start for at least another year TBH but a lot of her friends are more developed.

Welcome bigbus

Great news rain !

zoo Good luck at the doctor's tomorrow. She sounds like a good support to you and hopefully can offer some helpful advice. So glad you kept DS home!

Saw my doctor this morning too - she signed me off for two weeks then returning part-time for the following two weeks. DS out of school for uncertain length of time - having challenges sorting therapy for him. Can't see him finishing high school at this rate when he is adamant to never return. Having trouble finding information on homeschooling ASD teens in my country....and what that means for post secondary education.

Can I join please ? Mum to an anxious 7 year old here. A year or so ago I started realising a lot of her meltdowns and defiance was anxiety related - she does well in school but new places /situations /test stress her out and she is extremely conscious of what other think or what she thinks others think. Took her to the GP but it wasn’t super helpful - her school nurse harness heeen very supportive.

Welcome aboard bloopity
Post as often as you feel the need.we are hear to listen/support/handhold

Viking glad doctor's note is sorted,but not a long term fix for you.would the doctor know of any services or places to find help?or his school?have you tried FB/social media support groups local to you for brain storming?

Hello bloopity .

Thanks zoo - was feeling positive after the doctor's as she gave me a few tips. It was only when I started googling for more info I realized some did not apply to my SN DS. Also looked for some FB local groups for SN homeschooling - but kids were alot younger. Oh, and I'm not easily offended at all so never worry about suggesting what may seem like the obvious! When I'm anxious it is so difficult to think straight, so I totally understand.
I hope all goes well with your doctor appointment today . Here's another odd suggestion for your DS when anxious walking around outside. Are baseball caps popular in the UK? When my DS was younger it was difficult to take him places because of over stimulation. He began wanting to wear a baseball cap as the peak that protrudes at the front filtered out a good amount of stimuli/distractions. He was able to stay much calmer with it on. I think anything like ear plugs, hats, sunglasses could help DS feel more protected rather than 'exposed' when outside which might be helpful?
Thank you for the hugs and flowers - I send them to you as well!

Oh,that's a good shout Viking he has a baseball cap somewhere will try that
Doctor was lovely,really gentle with him(he got himself into such a spin as she was running late and was bust he pace her office clutch his chest and in full anxious mode/behaviours in all its technicolour"glory")
She offered try chivvy cahms,but says tbh we lucky to be seen so quickly(6week wait)they unlikely move any faster but willing to try.suggested him trying to write a bullet journal of feelings(had Google wtf that ment) and said unfortunately gp can't offer much as cahms are specialist in field so whilst she's super sympathetic and can see how much he's struggling there's not an Awful lot can do.if school give specifics of what want in note they can have another one.she has noted it in all computer tho,so at least they've seen him in full swing and she did check his heart try reassure him it's working ok,also breathing as he has mild asthma and worries over that too.she never expected it to soothe him really,but tried bless her.

School were as expected difficult.letter of parented consent for doctors note has been done and delivered.merts arrange for Fri after one that was mean D's answered phone and hot antsy over me saying she intimidated him I didn't shout.you didn't have to with that tone and being trapped in student services.hence she snap we need meet then with head year and SENCO,attendance to see a way forward YOU agree to.i REFUSE to roll over to soothe attendance figures at risk of his wellbeing so bring it on
I may have anxiety myself but I am fiercely in my kids corner when they need me to be and I can do calm,polite and very logical so bring it on sweetheart!

Thanks all for your kind welcome. I have bought a book called ‘My Anxiety Handbook - Getting back on track’. It’s for 12-18yo and it’s got great reviews. I’m reading it now before I give it to dd.

Sorry accidentally hit send!

I’ll let you know how I get on with the book.

Do any of you have other children? How do you manage to minimise their exposure to the high levels of anxiety?

Thanks in advance

Weren't trailing a book at present bigbus
Tbh not going too well as "worry time" just causes him to snowball and having ten slotted minutes a day when he's allowed to share his fears reducing him to hysteria

I've four Dc in total.dd1 bought house and got engaged last year(23yo) dd2 is 14,ds, 12 and lil zoo 11 at end of the month.tonights been how not to live with anxiety-ds kicked off whilst I having hour n half with dd2(we eat dinner n watch stuff on TV with higher rating parental guides than other two allowed to watch n chat)he'd opened his window( despite be told not to as he got too hot) then spider was sat in way and despite not be scared spiders convinced himself it would bite him and he would die if he try shut window and got hysterical lil zoo was upstairs and was terrified as she has very bad fear spiders so couldn't help him and dd2 was livid he interrupted her time and threatened not come home tom.i refused go up and engage and all hell broke loose
Eventually he shut window.snortly after he started panicking so badly dd2 gave up n storm to bed.he bought himself down to me and has been waking me EVERYTIME I drop off complaining he's hearts not feeling right.im losing will to live girls play up everyone has to be up n dressed by 730 as council coming to fix in a new sink unit and work surface so I need to empty cupboards etc in morning
Aaaarrrggggh

Aaah zoo :( if he’s still awake can you set him to work emptying the cupboards himself? Distraction plus might tire him out a bit?

He was so hysterically out of control he wasn't able to listen,let alone follow instructions cag he's now fallen into exhausted sleep and I'm too physically tired to move but brains racing with rage and frustration.nor one of our better days and deffo not one of my best parenting efforts.....

Ah I see :( don’t beat yourself up zoo my lovely you are dealing with an impossible situation here. 💐