To think is this it?

[Isthisit33]

I go to work. I come home.

Then I go to work and come home.

Five days a week. Then weekends I sit.

No money to do anything, nothing I really want to do anyway. No one to do it with.

Sometimes I feel like even in jail I might have people to talk to.

OP looks like you want people to agree that you're hopeless. You're rejecting all suggestions and seem to have posted here to help yourself wallow.

If you don't want advice then why bother?

It seems to me there is more than one thing going on here.
You have no friends to talk to
You have no hobbies
You live in a house share with people you don't like
You refer to work as you go, you come home so It sounds like you don't have job satisfaction?

You have tried the GP and anti-depressants
You have tried social groups
You have tried volunteering
You do not want to try any of these things again

Going to the GP and asking for help is hard, because to get help you have to really push for it and it sounds like at the moment you are in a place where things happen around you and you feel you have no control, and so going to the GP again, may not help because you aren't ready to push for the help and support you need.

I don't believe any one thing will solve all of your problems but I do think it would be good to try and draft a plan. You talk about death as though it is something that will happen to you, not something you will take control of but you need to draw a line mentally about what thoughts are and aren't OK to handle on your own.
Thinking you would gladly take someones cancer is one thing, thinking if you don't look both ways when you cross the road is another. Can I ask you to write down some emergency numbers for the groups people have suggested it here. If your thoughts ever turn to playing an active role in ending your life you will phone for help. Make that decision today that you will do that.
If you can do that, you are starting to take control.

Then move to the next thing.
Is there anything about your job you like, dislike is there a dream job? Do you need to study? We spend a lot of time at work and it's important to try and be happy in what we do. If you like your job, great make an active decision to say, I like my job and I want to be there. If you can't lets look at what you can do to take control and change it. Can you study for free, is there a course that needs paying for - that is an investment in your future, you may meet like minded people, you may not but the class is about getting you a job you want any other interaction is a bonus.

Nothing will be achieved overnight. There will be a long period of time of trying before things seem better but every change you make acknowledge that you have made that decision to improve, remember all the decisions you have made to improve and in time you may work yourself out of the situation you are in, or you may feel stronger to demand help and have enough hope to want the help

I just want to say OP that I've been where you are and came out the other side and now live a happy and fulfilling life.

Do you have family - parents grandparents brothers or sisters that you can spend some time with? Not being alone for a while can take your mind of things. Also they can help to motivate you.

It is worth seeing the GP. Sometimes medication can take a while to work - mine took 3 months and I was in the verge of giving up when I started to feel a bit better.

Regular fresh air/ exercise can also help. Also indulging yourself every so often - treating yourself to chocolate or something else you like.

I hope things start looking up for you soon, it's a lonely hopeless place but I know from experience that there is life on the other side if only you are brave enough to look for it.

Morning @isthisit.

You sound like a person who has given up and your feelings of hopelessness make this a self-fulfilling prophecy. I know what it’s like to have “tried everything”. It’s should destroying as you just end up confirming that there’s nothing out there for you. Feeling odd or that you don’t fit in anywhere is one of the biggest pointers for adult female (late diagnosis) of autism. Have you any family history of asd? I only ask because it might just be that you’re being very hard on yourself but that you are wired brain-wise, slightly differently.

Can you have a think on this. Read up on some female experience of late diagnosis and see if you recognise yourself.

Soul destroying...😡

I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way. It's a very horrible situation to be in. Our society is set up for family life after about the age of 30, and isolation and loneliness is a real problem for those without families. With the cost of living being so high, this is a double whammy.

I'm in a similar situation and know the compounding feeling of failure when you try things and they don't work; try the GP and get nowhere; try talking to people but they don't understand/label you as weird/get frustrated with you. It all works to smash your self esteem into tiny pieces, and make you feel like you have no worth.

I don't have any magical fixes. I have good and bad days. For me, the main thing that works for working on my self esteem is (recommended on Mumsnet!): www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=47

I try to 'fake it' to pretend I am somebody who has friends, purpose and confidence. I have a couple of 'coping strategy lists' - one of cheap helpful things (like going for a walk) and one of unhelpful things to avoid. Writing down my thoughts, whatever they are, really helps too.

There's a lot of frustration on this thread. This is somebody who has tried many different things. And they haven't worked, in fact made things worse. And who is in a very hard place. Please be kind.

OP, what would your ideal day to day life be like? In all honesty, what would your day to day life entail? Would you have a different job? Would you have a partner, children? Live somewhere else?

Some of it's down to the perspective you have on life & how you perceive other people living theirs. You work right? Do you interact with your colleagues at all? Do you know much about them? To you, do they 'seem' to have the perfect life?

Many many people can appear to have the perfect life, when in fact they don't. I'm married, with two kids. For 98% of the time my day to day life is pretty much mundane - it's more or less the same thing day in day out, there's nothing spectacular going on. You mentioned Facebook - it's a bragging platform for a lot of people - think of it like movie trailers, showing only the good bits when the rest of the film is actually quite boring. Get rid of Facebook, you don't need to compare yourself with anyone on there. I deactivated my account a couple of years ago & haven't looked back.

You have to try & take that first step if you want things to change, even if it is just going for a short walk, or saying hello first to someone at work. Make an appt with your GP, at least you'll be talking to someone & there are other ways they can help you, not just give you tablets. I really hope you start feeling a bit brighter OP

Sorry you've had some awful posters on here op. They've probably made you feel twice as bad.

You feel hopeless and unmotivated and you even feel suicidal. You've recognised all this. I think last night you just wanted to interact with human beings on some level and express your feelings. There's nothing wrong with that. It's one of the ways the mind copes with negative thoughts actually.

Unfortunately many posters have not recognised this and instead chosen to kick you on the floor whilst you are already doubled over in pain. Humans can be nice, huh? Your rebuttals and negative responses and hopelessness are actually part of the disease you are suffering from; depression. Posters have gotten angry with you because one evening you decided to discuss your hopelessness - just to put thoughts in writing for an actual human being to hear - and instead of suddenly feeling positive and motivated to try suggestions within an hour, you remained chemically and emotionally in the same place. Well of course you did. The severity of your feelings can not be cured in a few hours by a few suggestions of volunteering.

The majority

...of posters are not qualified or even experienced in what you are dealing with. There are many here who do understand and feel you could perhaps be helped professionally though I appreciate you may not feel that way. If you would like to talk I will listen

OP, its physically impossible for you to have tried everything.

The key word here is "try".

If you aren't willing to try, then nothing will change.

You need to ask yourself if you are content with feeling like this for the rest of you life? If yes, carry on.

However, it sounds like you're at the bottom of the barrel, in which case - it can't get worse. So trying is only going keep you in the same place, or improve things.

I kind of see where your coming from - I'm a natural introvert and find forming friendships very draining.

My take is that you need to be happy just being you. Take other people out of the equation for now but go to the cinema, go to the theatre, go to restaurants and sit on your phone. Book a holiday somewhere warm, scenic and quiet and at least be isolated in an uplifting place.

Photography sounds like a perfect hobby if you're anyway inclined. It doesn't have to be perfect - it's just for you.

Have you seen the film Amelie? I know it is twee as fuck, but there is something rewarding about doing small nice things for other people, without ever expecting anything back. I think that’s why people are recommending volunteering - not just so you’ll meet people.

Do you ever go to see films on your own? I kinda like it. Also going out for sushi. You don’t feel so conspicuous when you’re sat in front of a conveyor belt of food!

Is there anything you’d like to be good at? Drawing? Painting? Musical instrument? You have time. Loads of it. You have access to libraries. You could literally learn anything.

Hello OP,

We're so sorry to hear you're feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

OP

You have had some awful replies here. MN never stops surprising me with how horrible some people can be to someone who is clearly very unwell.

The suggestions of what you could do to improve your life are well meaning, but not helpful to you at this point. That is a part of the depression, when you are this depressed you have lost all sense of hope and people giving you ideas on what to do isn't going to be met with 'yep, ill get right onto that'.

AIBU is not the best place to reach out. MIND are great, they also have a support line and of course the Samaritans. Or even the Mental Health board here.

You don't need advice from people here on what hobbies you could do etc and I hope people stop. It isn't helpful.

What you do need is professional mental health support. I know how hard it is to get that support when you are in the place you are in now, but I really do hope you will go back to your GP and get that ball rolling very soon.

If you just want to talk to people without getting advice on how to improve your life, think about starting a thread on the MH board here so you can just talk to people.

Much love to you, and I really do hope you ask and get professional help very soon

Unfortunately many posters have not recognised this and instead chosen to kick you on the floor whilst you are already doubled over in pain. Humans can be nice, huh? Your rebuttals and negative responses and hopelessness are actually part of the disease you are suffering from; depression. Posters have gotten angry with you because one evening you decided to discuss your hopelessness - just to put thoughts in writing for an actual human being to hear - and instead of suddenly feeling positive and motivated to try suggestions within an hour, you remained chemically and emotionally in the same place. Well of course you did. The severity of your feelings can not be cured in a few hours by a few suggestions of volunteering.

Absolutely this!

I can't believe people offered suggestions and expected the OP to respond positively to them, and when she doesn't, because you know, she is severely depressed, they go on to berate her for rejecting their suggestions.

OP just wanted to talk, to reach out. She didn't want people to try to fix the problem by telling her what hobbies she could do. She just wanted to talk.

Have you thought about changing your job at all? A new start with different people and a mental kick up the bum might help you to feel differently. Please think about it.

Have you thought about changing your job at all? A new start with different people and a mental kick up the bum might help you to feel differently. Please think about it.

Seriously, can we stop please.

She is severely unwell, she needs professional help. You think she is in the right place to change her job now and that this would cure her of her crippling depression? She wants to die, changing her job right now is not going to help that.

Some people don't want others to try to 'fix' it. They just want to be listened to. The human nature seems to be for people to jump in and go into problem solving mode. It isn't what the OP needs. She just wanted to put her feelings into words and be listened to.

OP

I completely agree with U2 above.

Some people just do not get it. Do not listen to them. There are people who do get it.

I've been through periods of deep, diagnosed depression in the past. Honestly, I've found that sometimes all you can do is hunker down and wait for it to pass, like a weather front. It does, it will.

The only person who can diagnose the OP as "severely depressed" is a doctor or a psychiatrist. You have no idea what her condition is, if any. Stop being so dramatic.

Are you kidding me?

OP says she wants to die. You do not have to be a psychiatrist to realise she is severely depressed.

Do you really think that someone who keeps telling us they just want to die is anything other than depressed?

I think your post in the most ignorant one I have read on MN for a long time.

I hope I’m not putting words in your mouth OP, but I imagine this thread to be like this. As carefullydrawnmap said, sometimes there is no fix, you just have to hunker down. I’m sorry you’re finding things so hopeless OP.

Oh I love that Storm

I also love this

This thread sadly highlights how ignorant people still are about mental health.

If someone had cancer and none of the treatments had worked, people wouldn't get angry with them, so why do people get angry with people who are feeling bad, but don't instantly feel better at the suggestion of a bit of volunteering.

I've felt in despair at times in my life, it's been too difficult to even open the curtains and go for a shower, just breathing felt heavy and painful.

Jesus Christ! Some of you are utterly fucking vile.

Chocolate stop being such an unmerciful thunder cunt. What are you getting out of it, exactly?

Hi OP

How was work today?