I am falling apart

[Aveiam]

I can't calm down and I have the worst thoughts, I am actually just falling apart and I have no one literally no one to help me, I don't know why to do

[MiddleClassProblem]

[Aveiam]

He just made me take him to another girls house I feel really sick but my stomach and chest don't hurt much at the moment physically I am by myself again tonight

[MiddleClassProblem]

What do you mean? Please get some help. If you know he's not coming back, tonight is the night to make yourself safe. You can do it. Just a phone call x

[Aveiam]

I haven't been to a&e and he hasn't come back yet I'm just here by myself now.

[fruitbats]

Aveiam You know that he does not deserve you. Is there any way you could leave. He hurt you physically and now he has made you take him to a girl's house?

[Aveiam]

Honestly o don't believe I can ever be away from him I end up back here in the same place and a worse situation every time. I am too broken to be away from him. I need him to function and I hate it. He will kill me if I leave. I don't know what to do.

[MiddleClassProblem]

Please ring women's aid. They know what to do. They can help keep you safe, help you start over, help make you stronger so you don't feel you need him.

[Oly5]

Please call the police and get some help. You deserve a wonderful life away from this man. You don't need him. He is controlling you. Leave

[fruitbats]

Aveiam You were in so much pain the other night that you considered ringing an ambulance. I don't want to frighten you, but who's to say that he won't kill you if you stay? You have nothing to lose by leaving - and everything to gain

[Aveiam]

I don't know. I don't know anything is just feel so stuck. I can't get through to women's aid. I could call the police but they're probably tired of me now. I have left so many times and I'm still here. Im stupid and worthless

[FusionChefGeoff]

You are worth way more than this - you deserve to be happy and free. You are stronger than you think.

Please keep trying women's aid - and the police. They will help you.

We are here in the meantime.

Will he be out all night do you think?

[fruitbats]

You are not stupid or worthless. Many, many women return to abusive partners. I was once told or read somewhere, that it takes something like an average of being hit 39 times before a woman leaves a physically abuse man. The police won't be tired of you. They will still help you

[Aveiam]

I don't know what to think or feel or anything because I'm told over and over that it's wrong and I know I wouldn't want this to happen to anyone else but I 100% feel like I deserve this and until I get rid of that I can't leave and stay away. He's not that bad if I keep coming back. He hasn't been home since no

[BettyBaggins]

"I 100% feel like I deserve this and until I get rid of that I can't leave and stay away."

Why would you deserve it?

[watermelongun]

You can let other people take over. Take yourself to hospital / GP / someone you trust. Have you got DC? Take them too. Tell them as much as you feel you can - enough to put some wheels in motion. Let them call the police if that's what needs to happen. Don't worry about the bigger picture right now, just take one baby step first. Little tiny steps, one at a time. Starting with getting yourself somewhere safe if that's what needs to happen. You can even break it down - 'I just need to walk to the car'; 'I just need to drive to a&e' or whatever it is.

You say you're hurt, is it physical? Are you injured? One small reach out, don't fight it, just reach and let someone help you.

You can absolutely do this.

[watermelongun]

And forget about getting rid of the feeling of deserving it first, that will come in its own time, when you're feeling strong (because you will be strong again). That's what will hold the wall against him in time, and keep him out. First you need help to start building that wall. This is something you do just one brick at a time x

[MiddleClassProblem]

I think you don't feel you deserve it because of what happened in the past. I think that's even more of a reason to fight for a better life. Everything you've been through can't be for this. You really can turn it around. You really do deserve better. I know it's hard to see any other life right now for yourself but there is another way, there are many ways, options. You just have to have the faith to find them. We can't make you see it but they're there. You can email women's aid if you can't get through in the phone.
[email protected]

[watermelongun]

Keep posting too, let mumsnetters support you (we'll mix the cement )

[Broken11Girl]

Oh love
You can do this.

[watermelongun]

Are you ok op?

[Aveiam]

I saw someone in a&e last night who has referred me to the domestic violence team at the hospital I think. I am in loads of pain and started throwing up blood. But it looks like he's not coming back as I came back to loads of stuff missing from the house. I'm worried but I don't know what else to do. No children I had a daughter who passed away. I'm on my own

[MiddleClassProblem]

Did you've throw up blood after the hospital or before?

You need to live elsewhere even if he's never coming back

[MiddleClassProblem]

Ps well done for going to a&e

[Aveiam]

After, I have been in bed all day I don't want to do anything at all. I'm really scared about what's happened to him and where he is

[Aveiam]

I'm sorry for being so stupid