I drank almost a full bottle of lactulos due to the fact I've gained weight :(

[Goodheartflyinghigh]

Hello. Thanks for reading.

Yes. I'm serious. No I'm not joking. Yes I understand this was a bad idea. But I am very logical person but I had a moment were I weighed myself. Realised I'd gained 4 lbs. And I started boiling over. I grabbed the bottle poured it into a cup and downed it. This was 2 hours ago. I've had lactulos before but usually the correct amount and didn't start working till next day. In this case I've been sat on the toilet for 30 minutes going like water.

I was just so angry. I have weigh in at my gp tommorow and I've put on 4lbs!!! I'm so upset. And no. I'm not shallow. It's not even about how I look. This is just not going well. I don't abuse laxatives usually. Only done it once before recently maybe three weeks ago. But didn't drink this much. When I was younger I had extreme issues with making myself sick. But don't do that now. I have no idea why I did this with lactulos. Or how I lost that much control to drink that much. Now my tummy is killing me. You wouldn't believe I'm a mother. ( no my kids didn't see me do this they are with there dad) but I'm not a teenager anymore. So I shouldn't even Consider doing this. But I didn't even think.. What is going on.

I hear you liz. This is a bad cycle. But yiu say il never achieve my goal. But I did achieve my goal once.

All in all I just want to be happy. But that seems like an even more un achievable goal.

Morrizap. Okay your right. If I ate the way my kids eat. I would be pretty lean. But it'd to late now. Because I've messed up my body. My metabolism is so slow. I have been able to put it into perspective. And realise 4 lbs out of 2 stones is not that bad. I do feel abit crazy now I think back to last night then again to this morning. I just get so desperate.

I feel better today because I'm back in control. So I can see clearer. I know I need to sort something out. I think Monday next week. Il try and fix this.

It's so hard to read tone in writing. So il say I really am so so greatful for everyone who has responded. And you are 100 percent helping. And I completly see I am not right In the head. It's just only this minute. I am not ready to get help from the gp. But I do want to get help for myself. And take responsibility myself really. As an adult. But I want to lose weight too.

But gaining weight doesn't prove you don't have an eating disorder. I know you don't want to accept it but you do have an eating disorder, it is very clear from your posts.

If you went to your GP they wouldn't think that you aren't caring for your children properly. They'd think that you weren't caring for yourself properly. Which is right. But I don't think you are ready to face up to that yet.

By starving yourself you are messing up your metabolism further which will make it harder in the long run.

Cross post op.

This would be easily solved if I wasn't so lazy. Did more excersise. And less of the other stuff. But I'm just so lazy.

Olivia. I'm sorry but you are wrong. A few years ago I went to my gp. To tell them about depression and a re occurance of my eating beinf dodgy. Instead of helping me she altered my health visitor who did not leave me alone. . And it came back to bite me in the bum. When it should have been my ex they were focusing on. To cut a long story short. I did not get any help. It caused nothing but agro. So I'm sorry what your saying was not the case. But thank you for the suggestion. They found out that I was a great mum. And pissed off after a little while.. Me? Got no help. And felt like I'd done something wrong.

There older now so don't have a Hv. BUT NOT worth it

She contacted not altered *

Il look at the links posed for abc. And beat. But I will be fixing this without the help of my GP.

I know I'm a bit late but...

I have done the same thing when I was in the midst of my eating disorder. I was eating what I had been made to eat, but my head decided that the answer to my world's problems would be to overdose on laxatives and lactulos.
I didn't shit for a month because my digestive system was so fucked up. I only managed to finally poo when I was hospitalised due to a severe kidney infection.

You know in your rational brain that it was a silly idea, but the eating disorder feels triumphant because you have 'resolved' the 'problem' of gaining 4lbs. But, you are now in pain.

2 stone loss in 2 weeks sounds incredibly dangerous to me, although my disordered brain is immediately like FIND OUT HER SECRETS YOU NEED TO LOSE THAT MUCH. But it's an unhealthy cycle and will not bring you the happiness it promises. I know it's hard when before people would go insane and rage at you for losing 3lbs but when you are classed as 'recovered' and lose 5lbs, everyone is like 'you look so good' and 'well done'.

I've lost weight since last Monday, and to be honest it has triggered me to go further. That's scaring me because now, I can see that I have a lot to lose metaphorically ie jobs, driving, uni, boyfriend, family and my future.

You can and will get through this. If I were you, I would get lots of warm drinks, possibly some crackers or dry slice of toast to settle your stomach acid, and watch tv and go to sleep.

Sending

It's an addiction. Honestly I'm not in a place I would relapse now. My DH for better or worse knows all my triggers and kicks my arse if I need it.

Do you have people on your fb posting diets or doing slimming world? I used to find that awful.

Step one is try to work out why you slipped back.

You are reaching or are already at crisis point regarding your mental health

It's time to come off mumsnet and seek professional help in real life
I think you know this

Wishing you peace

I'm sorry you didn't get the help from your GP when you needed it before OP. How about some of the other charities others have linked to instead?

For what it's worth you sound lovely but I am worried for you in respect of what you are posting, and I do think you need some support.

I have to go to work now, I'm glad this thread has made you think. All the best OP.

noisyrice

Thanks so much for commenting.

I really hope that the weight you lost doesn't trigger you to get back into this.

You are stronger than me :)

And I'm so glad you realise what you have to loss. It shows your still in your sane mind.

And that little disordered side wanting to know the secret. The secret it. It is not worth knowing. Because that stupid thing I did. My blood work still isn't right from it.

So you keep on doing the right thing. It is worth it in the end

OliviaBenson

Thanks for your help and have a great day :) yes il be looking into contacting the charities :)

Okay Mercelady. You are right :)

You won't achieve your goal because you know you are cheating, then consider weight gain as the punishment. But you think cheating is the only way so do it again , if perhaps not in the same form. You come across as defeatist that all normal ways of being healthy are now out of your reach. Somehow you don't deserve them to work, you need the ongoing battle.

Not big and not clever. I'm glad your oh is so supportive.

My ex trys to make me get fatter so he's no help and never has been :p

And yes. All over Facebook is about weightloss.

The reason I slipped. I can't be 100 percent sure. I just felt like I was drowning. Things get over whelming. So to clear my head. I end up here again.

Liz. I'm thinking about what your saying. " all normal ways of beinf healthy are now out the window" I really don't know. I think back when I thought I was healthy and food wasn't a problem. It actually was because I was eating constantly. Bad food. And this attempted that went wrong. Was actually in the start was about being healthier. And getting into a better frame of mind. I want to be healthy. But I can't do this 1lb a week loss thing. But I will find a balance.

I want to be happy. I do want to like myself. But I never have. So I suppose I need to find a way to stop doing these challenges with myself.

I'm not educated about eating disorders but there is a weight loss plan called Lighter life where you replace food with supplements and then gradually reintroduce yourself to eating healthily. They offer counselling as well to get to the root of your problems with food. Could you ask your doctor about that? You need medical approval to start the plan.

Last one from me before I go, why can't you do the 1lb a week loss? Is it not quick enough for you?

A loss is a loss and it will be more sustainable in the long term.

I'm also dubious about your claims that you can't lose weight the normal way due to your past issues. I think that is part of your disordered thinking, therefore justifying to yourself that you need to be more drastic in your attempts.

How much do you weigh op and how much do you think you need to lose?

Lighter Life is a dangerous idea, ILost.

I don't believe that plans like that should be used in any circumstances other than acute medical need (eg to lose weight before life saving surgery can take place).

Sorry, Stick I didn't realise Lighter life was dangerous please ignore my advice.