I drank almost a full bottle of lactulos due to the fact I've gained weight :(

[Goodheartflyinghigh]

Hello. Thanks for reading.

Yes. I'm serious. No I'm not joking. Yes I understand this was a bad idea. But I am very logical person but I had a moment were I weighed myself. Realised I'd gained 4 lbs. And I started boiling over. I grabbed the bottle poured it into a cup and downed it. This was 2 hours ago. I've had lactulos before but usually the correct amount and didn't start working till next day. In this case I've been sat on the toilet for 30 minutes going like water.

I was just so angry. I have weigh in at my gp tommorow and I've put on 4lbs!!! I'm so upset. And no. I'm not shallow. It's not even about how I look. This is just not going well. I don't abuse laxatives usually. Only done it once before recently maybe three weeks ago. But didn't drink this much. When I was younger I had extreme issues with making myself sick. But don't do that now. I have no idea why I did this with lactulos. Or how I lost that much control to drink that much. Now my tummy is killing me. You wouldn't believe I'm a mother. ( no my kids didn't see me do this they are with there dad) but I'm not a teenager anymore. So I shouldn't even Consider doing this. But I didn't even think.. What is going on.

My concern is how you are minimising this as a blip, yet you say you've hardly been eating all week and then after taking laxatives you slept with the heating on to sweat out the water.

Looking at the whole picture and not just the laxatives, I'm sorry to sound brutal but you are in the grips of a serious eating disorder.

Please please try and speak to your GP about this, for your own sake. You really didn't ought to punish yourself either by not having your hair done. Of course you deserve to pamper yourself, why on earth not?

Euripidesralph, - you really are so smart. And you talk so intelligently. And explain things so well. I completly agree my mind needs to be calibrated. Thsts exactly it what you explained. Yes with people have not tought me growing up a healthy amount of control. I was controlled extremely as a child. And then once as an adult. I don't know limits with myself. I have taken over were others left of. I have no freedom from myself. You can't do thst. Yiu can have one bite of this. Don't eat for this long. Get rid of what you have had . I am not a failure if u succeed what healthy people cannot do. I feel so worthless so I make myself feel superior by doing things humans should not be able to do for that length of time. And the more I suffer in that process the better. The longer i go the more I suffer the bigger the achievement. I am then proud of myself for a short time. I feel I am worth something for thst short time. But you can't do that forever. So then you need to come back to reality. And become like every other person. But see every other person functions wonderfully as they are.. Not me. I'm back to being worthless. What challenge next to achieve?. If you do this. Then you can do this. But if you fail. You will get nothing. This is constant. With myself. And it's just so hard.

Olivia.. Thanks for your responce. You say why in earth not.. But I can't understand or see why I diserve it. When I said if I lose some weight il let myself have it done. I didnt do what I had planned. So why still give myself the treat. It's like you promise a child. Il give you this treat if yiu do your home work. They decide to not listen and watch TV all day instead. You wouldn't still give them the treat would you?

Olivia. I see how it sounds. I have never ever in my whole life. Done that heater and jumper thing other than this one time. Never ever even before. So I won't do that again. I'm honest about that. Thanks for reminding me about that. I agree that was so stupid. It made no difference anyway. So yes never again.

But you aren't a child and you are just using your lack of weight loss as a stick to beat yourself with.

You need to be kind to yourself. If having your hair done would make you feel better about yourself then you should have it done, irrespective of any weight loss/gain.

You haven't answered in respect of not eating very much at all last week though.

It's all linked and the laxatives agent separate to that at all.

You deserve to treat yourself because you need a pat on the back for admitting you have a problem and being honest about it. Have some well deserved from me.
The next step is seeking help. Your doctor will understand.

*Aren't separate. stupid autocorrect.

Not eating much isn't ok either.

Sorry Olivia what should I say about the not eating much last week. Your right. Out of five days I ate for 2 did not for three. And still put on 4 lbs. I didn't say anything as it's true I didn't. Bur I don't know what to say about that.

Thank you. I suppose I do need to sort myself out. No more laxatives is a start I agree with that. Monday - Monday. Il not touch laxatives

Yes I think it would have made me feel better.

I hate to say this. But the humiliation for the weight gain today. Has made me more driven. If I got my hair done. It may have canceled some of that out. Which then would have reduced my level of willpower I am going to need this week in order to lose 5lbs. ( lose the four. And then one extra)

But I promise. I can't actually say il never do it. But a good target of no laxative from today till next Monday. Is a start.

Why do you need to lose 5lbs this week? And how do you intend on doing that? Not eating for a few days isn't at all healthy and is all part of the same eating disorder. I'm pleased, you say you won't take laxatives, but not having food isn't any better or sustainable.

Please see your GP about this.

Olivia is right. You're confusing will power with an eating disorder. Healthy will power would be eating one biscuit instead of three, sticking to three balanced meals a day and choosing to eat fruit instead of a cake. It might help to be referred to a dietician so you can be given some sort of realistic eating plan.
Some cognitive behaviour therapy could help with your self destructive thoughts and give you ways to cope with your irrational impulse to lose weight at any cost.

You need to throw the laxatives out. Take them to the chemist and they'll dispose of them safely, along with the slimming pills, if you have any left.

You have kids who rely on you, so your target doesn't need to be in terms of pounds lost, but of how healthy you are, both physically and mentally. Feed them good, nutritious food and aim to do the same for yourself. Look at the websites that have been recommended to you. And ask your GP for a referral to someone who can help you with being well.

I feed my kids very well. And very nutrition. They don't any processed food. They eat a healthy balance of healthy food with say a cake every now and again. They say they don't want any more. Etc. They are perfectly fine healthy and fit for there age. I do not mention diet weight or anything around my kids. stick the dm so for sure don't need anyone saying " feed them good" I have that covered. And don't need any advice at all on them. How I treat myself is nothing or has no baring on how I treat others. But thank you for the advice.

I am actually a good mother. And I'd never not feed them correctly. They have no issues with food. And always get a variety.

No one is saying that you are not a good mother. But you need to be healthy and well to look after them. If you end up poorly. Cease of this, you physically won't be able to care for them.

Why can't you eat the same healthy food that you give them?

Because* of this. Sorry about my autocorrect.

Because. It makes me gain weight.

" feed them good and nutritious food " the fact that something in everything I've said. Made it sound like I need to be told that. I'd not good.

Neither am I going to risk going to the Gp because if my gp said that we would have problems.

Your all right. I realise I was very stupid. And il eat healthy. Thanks everyone. All sorted.

But you already do have a problem OP- a GP would simply provide you the help you need.

I very much doubt that the food you give your children would make you put on weight.

But I understand that eating disorders are complex. Please do read the responses on here OP and when you are ready to face up to this MN will be here for you.

Look after yourself and be kind to yourself.

With respect and not wanting to minimise your eating disorder can I ask why you are receiving depot injections